Beverly Hills Vamp (1989)

Bad Acting and worse Bad Screenplay

This movie was so-so. It had it's moments, but wasn't the greatest.

Fun premise, good actors, bad writing. This film seemed to have potential at the beginning but it quickly devolves into a trite action film. Ultimately it's very boring.

It's a good bad... and worth a popcorn matinée. While it's easy to lament what could have been...

First, you have to realize that Fred Olen Ray's "Beverly Hills Vamp" is NOT intended to be taken seriously, so if you watch it and end up complaining that it's "mind-numbing drivel" (to quote the previous reviewer), then you totally missed the point. The whole point is to be silly and show scantily clad babes, as Ray also did with "Evil Toons" and "Teenage Exorcist". With the presence of Eddie Deezen (who played the chatterbox Beatlemaniac in Robert Zemeckis's "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" and the obnoxious ventriloquist in Steven Spielberg's "1941"), you know that you're in for something zany.What I mean by the link to Peter Sellers and the Beatles is a loose connection. Britt Ekland was one of the many blonde sexpots of the '60s. She was married to Sellers for a few years. Peter Sellers co-starred with Ringo Starr in "The Magic Christian", a mockery of the British class system. Christopher Lee appears briefly in the movie as a vampire. Years later, Eddie Deezen appeared in Zemeckis's movie as a man modeling himself on Ringo. That's the connection.Anyway, this is a movie that you just have to accept as totally silly. That's all that it is: nice, silly fun with a lot of hot babes.I'd bed Britt Ekland any day.

Goofy vampire comedy from director Fred Olen Ray has Eddie Deezen as an unlikely hero(as he was in TEENAGE EXORCIST)needing to save his pals from Madam Britt Ekland's bloodsucking hookers(including the luscious Michele Bauer). Eddie is a screenplay writer, Tim Conway Jr. a director, Tom Shell a camera operator, all hoping lackluster movie producer Jay Richardson(dressed as Crockett from Miami Vice)will help produce their love story script. When they are given instructions to work on another movie project(Motorcycle Sluts from Hell, I believe was the title!), the trio decide to visit a brothel, where they encounter Ekland's vampire whores. Eddie, loyal to his girlfriend back home, Molly(Brigitte Burdine), is able to evade the vampire bite, but his friends aren't so lucky. So Eddie will convince Jay to help him combat the vampires(which results in Jay unable to fire a gun prop used in another movie)with help from the expertise of priest Robert Quarry on how to defeat them(through the usual means, holy water, stake through the heart, crucifixes). I think the best comedy derives from a phone conversation between Quarry and Richardson over how to kill the vampire with a stake with the obvious sex humor "subtly" implied as they talk about penetration and thrust. Dawn Wildsmith has a brief appearance as Richardson's secretary, more concerned with her nails than her abilities in the office. Richardson seems to spoofing a B-movie Hollywood producer, obviously more interested in titillation and nudity than performance and story. Lots of dialogue zingers poking fun at vampire movies and the genre as a whole. Everyone seems to be having a good time, but it doesn't have a high rating on the IMDb, so I reckon the sentiment wasn't felt from the audience at large. Deezen yucks it up with his animated face and nerdy persona, Fred Olen Ray depending on plenty of sound effects to bounce off his star when he comes in contact with hot chicks at Ekland's brothel. Amusing work from Ralph Lucas as Ekland's daylight "protector", butler Balthazar, who is very open about his sexuality, coming out of the closet and looking for action as Deezen comments about not being interested in the girls. The special effects consist of those vampires harmed engulfed with a glow before disintegrating when a crucifix is applied to their skin, stake plunged through the heart, or holy water poured over them.

Kyle, Brock and Russell are three aspiring filmmakers new in Hollywood. They phone up an escort ad and take a trip to a Beverly Hills mansion, but unfortunately for them the call girls turn out to be fiendish vixens of the undead …This is an enjoyable enough no-brainer of the kind Ray managed to crank out every few months in his heyday. As long as you don't mind Deezen's schtick - which is harmless and affable - there are some funny moments, busty babes and amusingly scene-chewing performances. Ray deserves kudos for convincing Ekland to appear, Quarry (old Count Yorga himself) is goofy as a priest-wannabe-screenwriter, Bauer in a beautiful red dress should put starch in any man's strides, and Ray's wife Wildsmith is an airhead secretary. Written as a sideline by Ernest D. Farino (a top-notch effects man), with some witty dialogue; my favourite line is when Lamb gets an oversize stake through the pump and croaks, "My, that's a big one.". As with most of Ray's films, there's a pleasing rinky-dink keyboard score by the talented Chuck Cirino. If like me you have an affection for scuzzy little independent movies made by hacks, this is a pleasant enough time-filler.

This movie tries to be as bad as "Dinosaur Island" but only sucks as bad as "The Phantom Empire" The excuse for a plotline plods along, the acting is reminiscent of the 2 by 4 in the wall to my left, and the camera work isn't working at all, my etch-a-sketch showed more talent and innovation even when I left it untouched. The script tries to have a constant stream of jokes, but none of them hits the mark, not even the one they stole from "Leisure Suit Larry". The only good thing about this film is all the nekkid chicks, but we only see them for about 10 minutes altogether out of an hour and a half running time. The rest of the time is spent watching 3 total nerds do nerdish things. The 'plot' follows the 3 nerds that go to Hollywood to try and get their movie made, get shot down immediately and then decide to buy some hookers. The hookers turn out to be vampires and they spend the last hour running about trying to kill the nerds, who are of course trying to escape.If you like the "So bad it's good" style of film making, then this film isn't for you. If you like genuinely good films, then this film isn't for you, either. Now if you into wasting your time with mind numbing drivel, then this is the perfect film for you.