One-Eyed Monster (2008)

Wow, this is a REALLY bad movie!

Very disappointed :(

Fantastic!

There are moments that feel comical, some horrific, and some downright inspiring but the tonal shifts hardly matter as the end results come to a film that's perfect for this time.

Similar to likely most of you reading through these, I'm a fan of 'so bad it becomes good' cinematic art (well, efforts); and the DVD box come on for our edition was irresistible - disembodied buxom bum clad in one size too small fitting red panties! (Why mention that in connection with film viewing: coz even that was a disappointment coz although there is a scene in which porn star struck character (Laura / Amber Benson) is instructed (er, directed by director?) to remove her panties so to lure the disembodied 'dick' of the titular owner's, they were NOT the same! Bad distributors!) So, anyway, why add this one in? Most others have set out all the salient - and awful points: of course, if someone tells you its so bad don't waste your time watching, you're gonna wanna know why, or just disbelieve them, and still go ahead anyway, right? So, having not heeded the advice / warning, what could you look out for that would make you feel that the 80 minutes you invest in this twaddle will return something of movie buff value? Well, besides delicious dollies playing porn stars in a location straight outta most horror tropes (cabin in the, ah, woods) and yet in WINTER (there's obviously false snow all around) - and they're gonna do a get ya togs off shoot in such a climate? They don't even light up a fire anywhere and that's despite veteran actor Charles Napier first appears from outside as frozen up … then perhaps it would be to actually just listen to: because, yes as you will see from the extensive quotes sidebar, there are many lines that beggar belief (Wanda with Angel's, er, nether regions exploration advice has gotta be the most outrageous delivered in any film I've ever seen = kudos to scriptwriters - siblings? - the three Fields): so perhaps you would want to watch, if only to catch the contexts in which these daft deliveries are made. Oh, and that being it's about porn stars, then to see real life legendary '70's R. Jeremy and V. Hart attempting non porn acting chops: the former (deliberately so?) appallingly wooden, the latter (not deliberately, but desperately so?) some of the best facial scenery chewing, as she herself is presumably chewed on (or something!) from within. Oh, and in that context, again from the scriptwriters some profound commentary on ex porn stars lot in society. Oh, and that it's apparently the one of the pair on murderous penis (genre!) films (the other 'Pervert' = make it a double bill evening to tolerate its unwinding?) So that, in the end, if you still wanna not heed all the don't waste ya time invocations, then I would recommend you at least add in the challenge to make it a drinking watch = choose your favourite tipple and you can't drink until you hear the word 'DICK' (beware in C. Napier's central interminable monologue!) - guaranteed you'll be so blotto by end, you'll be spared the utterly pointless end along with oh so lame last line.

Humor in porn is usually stupid as hell. It's almost as bad as fashion peeps trying to be funny. This was in my netflix queue mainly because a friend has a part, and I wanted to check it out. I live in the middle of nowhere now and wanted to see a familiar face. Anyway, I expected it to totally suck, but ended up giggling through the whole thing. Kind of reminded me of cabin fever in its silliness. Where it lack compared to cabin fever (among other things) is a real punch line at the end. I hope these guys keep making movies though. They're clearly smart and funny. Keep 'em coming guys! (forgive the ubiquitous pun)

One just has to love a movie that has balls! Oh, wait a minute, I didn't mean it that way! A rather typical "monster attacks isolated group" movie becomes a lot more fun when the group is a bunch of porn film people and the monster is the penis of Ron Jeremy!And it just gets better. Ron Jeremy and Veronica Hart star in it and, before the unthinkable happens, they manage to slip some commentary on the adult business nowadays. Is it any different than the comments of disgruntled senior citizens in other horror movies? YES! Because they are porn stars. OK, maybe when I put it this way it sounds terribly cliché, but it somehow wasn't! All the reused scenes from other movies that I would disgustedly call clichés, in this one they become omages to classic horror films.Bottom line: it makes a perfect fun beer movie with a bunch of friends. Girls could not possibly understand this, except maybe for the Kegel references.

Okay, so while lying in bed trying to die of an awful, awful cold, I ran across this title on the movie guide and after convulsing into uncontrollable laughter, thought "Naw....it just COULDN'T be about THAT!!!.." Oh, but it is!!!!! I saw Ron Jeremy's name and thought "now that name sounds familiar..." Suffice it to say, it is indeed THAT Ron Jeremy, the all time super porn star of the 70s/80s who was known far and wide for his one-eyed monster.This is a very clever take on that theme. A porn film crew goes to Northern California to shoot a movie and get trapped by a blizzard, a "shooting star" (no pun intended) and of course the one-eyed monster that positively terrorizes the entire crew.Believe it or not, the production values are quite good, elevating this way above cheesy. Moreover, the ensemble cast is excellent while the writing is crisp, witty, and hilarious. Of course it was also sick and twisted but I laughed until I cried. The outstanding performance, hands down, is that of Veronica Hart, an aging porn star who eventually "saves the day." (you will NOT be well for how she does it!!!) Hate to be so cryptic but if your tastes run the gamut from the absurd to the sublime, this CERTAINLY being sublime!, this should DEFINITELY be part of your collection. It is quite funny and though it didn't cure my cold, it sure made me forget I had one!!