Pirates of Treasure Island (2006)

This Movie Can Only Be Described With One Word.

Surprisingly incoherent and boring

Perfectly adorable

Strong acting helps the film overcome an uncertain premise and create characters that hold our attention absolutely.

It's hard not to like Pirates of Treasure Island.You know you're onto a winner when the same location (in this case, the treasure island of the title) is described on separate occasions as being, 'hidden in the bowels of Satan' AND 'the devil's playground'. Not only does it create a kind of glib, cartoon element to the proceedings, but really makes you wonder what ol' Beelzelbub's getting up to these days.Other verbal highlights include 'Beware the one egg' (or something), 'All the powder in the world' (NOT in reference to cocaine), and pretty much every deathbed speech of the last ten minutes, as if being shot is now some open licence to soliloquise.The plot is the standard affair from the perspective of a bored, insipid landlord apparently keen to throw of the shackles of the easy-going beverage industry (complete with large-breasted obliging barmaid) to don a bandana and shout 'argh' at the rain, in a predominantly-ship-based 'adventure' that often serves as a mere backdrop for grown men to compete in a 'most audacious headwear' competition, talk in embarrassing accents and - again - shout 'argh' at the rain. Fortunately, the large-breasted obliging barmaid tags along to produce one of several dramatic 'You're a woman?!' revelations which, by the climax, sees our young hero leading a quartet of inappropriately attired floozies in a battle against the male oppressors - sorry, I mean Pirates - in what can at best be described as an abstract, watery pimp-off.Allegiences in this film may initially seem hazy, but allow me to elucidate: if a character has tits, they side with the protagonist. If they have a wig, they get shot. If they have a muddy face, then they're evil and must be stabbed by the people with tits. Easy.I'll close with some drinking game suggestions. 1 finger when you're unconvinced by a CGI insect, 2 fingers when someone inexplicably gets shot, and 3 when the camera deliberately repositions for the best angle of our leading lady's bosoms. If no-one yet knows she's a lady, down it.

The cover looked very nice, artistic. That was it. I'm sorry but I stopped watching this film after about 30 minutes. Scenes were long and drawn out, entirely shot on built stage sets. Acting was not bad, it is just that it didn't fit the film standards. I believe this acting style belongs in a theater...but in a high school theater. I've been acting my whole life, and now I am a film student, production, at University at Buffalo. I am 20 years old and I can say I do have some experience under my belt. Hell I was in a movie when I was 4, in Europe. It's called Psalm and it is actually on IMDb.com. Given this I can say this movie sucked. Actually sucked would be a compliment.I just recently read the forum posted by Leigh Scott. He thinks zombie flicks are the last on the intellectual scale of movies. He might had some degree in film criticism or what ever, but he can not make a movie. Does he really think that DEAD MEN WALKING is on par with Romero's DAWN OF THE DEAD, or NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, or the new low budget masterpiece FLIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. I'm sorry Leigh, but each one of these zombie movies has a social commentary, and it's more than just zombies. Have you ever thought of zombies as the terrorists. NO, think about it and you'll appreciate them more. And no, I am not a single punk male with nothing to do other than writing reviews.I simply take a moment of my life to write a review and save people some pain and misery. I'm sorry but I now a good movie when I see one, and yours are not.

Don't even bother with this one. Lance is the only real actor out of this whole movie. It's basically the Treasure Island story but with the worst acting I have ever seen in one movie. Horrible and cheap looking costuming right out of a Party City store. And where did that giant cockroach come from?! I bought a used DVD for a buddy who wants to see it. But I warned him. This has to be one of the worst films ever made. Plus, where did the good looking babes come from? They wouldn't of been there as women aboard ships were considered bad luck. Very rarely did you ever see them. They were no Anne Bonney and Mary Reed! Too bad they can't be charged with "Wasting Celluloid"!

As I was watching the display of some of the most awful attempts at acting that I've likely ever seen, I kept wondering, 'Is this a spoof? Is this the Hollywood version of phishing?' OK. You go in and rent a movie for the evening and see the pirates splashed on the cover and think, 'Oh, a costume drama, as it were.' Besides, there's Lance Henrikson, the poor man's version of Clint Eastwood-- you know: tall, rangy with the same tight-lipped twang and contempt-filled scowl in the eyes-- it's gotta be OK. Well, even an old movie watcher like me can get taken in. This strange, discombobulated version of RLS's classic, with the name changed only slightly and the same list of characters slotted into different roles, with characters out of the rejects of a small town high school play, is not merely terrible, it's amazingly awful. I kept looking for a point in which it would be obvious that this was a lampoon but the whole thing kept lumbering on, taking itself a lot more seriously than it deserved. I mean they pulled out ever device you can think of, from snatches of Jules Verne's Mysterious Island with huge insects to jumping around on a staged deck, supposedly in the midst of a raging storm at sea. After viewing this debacle, my wife and I were both left wondering: "How they were able to create this parody of an attempt at entertainment with a straight face?"