Coffin Rock (2009)

ridiculous rating

Dreadfully Boring

It's easily one of the freshest, sharpest and most enjoyable films of this year.

Blistering performances.

Coffin Rock is set in a small coastal fishing town in Australia where Rob (Robert Taylor) & Jessie Willis (Lisa Chappell) live together, their lives would be perfect except that after two years of trying Jessie has failed to become pregnant. Rob & Jessie decide to seek medical help & the first thing to do is check that Rob's spunk is up to scratch, he whacks one out at the clinic & leaves the sample behind to wait for the results. When the letter arrives Rob is too scared to open it & a big fight with Jessie ensues, upset & frustrated Jessie goes out drinking & ends up having sex with the younger Evan (Sam Parsonson) who has an obsession with Jessie & uses the tension between herself & Rob to get inside her knickers. Although Jessie regrets cheating on Ron life goes on, soon after Jessie discovers that she is pregnant but she is unsure if Rob or Evan is the father. Evan's already unbalanced mental state goes downhill fast & in a rage of violence kidnaps Jessie...This Australian & British co-production was written & directed by Rupert Glasson & is as dull a psycho sexual thriller that I have watched in a while, Coffin Rock just takes ages to do next to nothing. Although the posters & video artwork proudly proclaim that Coffin Rock comes from the 'producers of Wolf Creek' this is more of a slow burning drama that only really comes to life for the final twenty minutes & even then it's still pretty dull going. The best way to describe Coffin Rock would be a really bad Fatal Attraction (1989) rip-off with the main roles reversed, instead of the man having an affair & endangering his family life it's the female who has the affair & the main plot revolves around whether the baby is her husband's or one night stand's. I can't say I liked Coffin Rock at all, I thought the script was poor with a really plodding pace that kills any tension because it's just so slow & I thought the story was underdeveloped. There's never any reason given as to why Evan falls for Jessie, I mean he only sees her across a waiting room once & then suddenly falls in love with her, leaves his job, his home & moves near her to try & be with her which seems excessive for someone you have never even spoken to before. None of the character's are likable, from the rather possessive husband Rob to the nut-job Evan to stuck up friends & annoyingly grizzled locals who have never heard of razors before to the rather weak Jessie herself. The dialogue is sparse, the story never gripped or drew me in to it's world & just why the hell is it called Coffin Rock? While Evan's motives are baffling the film doesn't do a particularly good job of defining his character or making him menacing or scary or sympathetic, I mean most of the time he just talks to himself & in one bizarre scene starts sucking on a fish & bites it in half after someone calls him gay. As you would. Then if you manage to stay awake during this thing there is one final kick in the nuts as there is virtually no resolution to anything that happens, Rob & Jessie's relationship is left hanging in the air as the film just sort of stops.There is one moment that I found very silly in a film that takes itself so seriously, after Rob shoots his load into a bottle at the clinic he just slams it down on the receptionists desk & walks out! Wouldn't it have been better to hand it to the doctor? Could you just leave your bottle of man juice on the receptionists desk? I'm not sure I would appreciate it myself if I was working there for the minimum wage just answering the phones, you know what I mean? It's unhygienic for one thing. While some may find the Australian outback striking I found it boring, dull & grey with no need for the film to be set there anyway. Coffin Rock is maybe the first time Crab racing has ever been committed to film, I can't see the attraction myself but the locals here seem to like it. There's no real horror here, only one person dies & Coffin Rock is definitely more of a psychological thriller than straight horror. A boring one too. The whole film has very muted overcast colours which just adds to the overall dullness.Apparently shot in South Australia the film has nice cinematography, there's no fast editing or hand-held camera work & it looks fairly nice. The acting is good, everyone seems to be trying anyway.Coffin Rock is a really boring psychological thriller that really bored me, I found it a tedious & predictable waste of 90 minutes. I'm sorry but that's how I felt, so sue me. Unlikable character's, a snail's pace, no real incident worth noting & an unsatisfying none resolution means Coffin Rock just doesn't have much going for it as far as I am concerned.

After a visit to a city clinic to find out why they cannot conceive a child, a middle-aged couple from the country become caught up in a young man's obsession when he takes advantage of the woman through manipulation and confidential knowledge. A drunken, vulnerable moment with the young man leads to a terrible secret and tragic events in the town as the young man takes his obsession further.It seems that a lot of people didn't like this film but maybe they were expecting too much from it. I enjoyed the personal drama and the chance to observe a group of simple towns folk go about dealing with the events in this film.It has a common theme of an obsessed individual who wants to be intimate with someone who is already married. What makes it different is the setting in an outback coastal country town where everyone knows each other and the limited resources available to them. Not too much effort goes into character development, just that there is a general bleak outlook and a false happiness when the truth is hidden.A good example of light Aussie drama.

Those Aussies, they surely know how to make a good movie. Remember Wolf Creek. this one is from the same producer and I can tell you, this surely hits again. It's not your typical flick with blood and gore, this one plays with your mind a bit more and it works better with the score they use. Made me think of the remake of Last House On The Left. The story line is simple. A couple would like to have a child but the man has some problems. He love his wife but he can't make a child. His wife adores kids and that's what we see in the first 10 minutes. Argue about what to do he goes to a clinic to do a research on his seed. So far so good but troubles between the man and wife still gets worser resulting in the wife going out for a drink. Wrong. A one night stand happens and the movie starts. It take a while before it really starts but be sure, it starts. The weird thing about this flick is the almost no use of the red stuff, even no gore but I assure you, if you are weak you won't be able to watch it. And not being made in the US gives us a not expecting ending. Again the last minute hits hard. It's a great movie, go get it.

A great little thriller that walks a very thin line. Movies like that can easily fall into the cliché category. But the actors really save it from going there. I personally would have wished that some things would have been resolved differently. But still even as it is, the movie delivers on it's premise.Foreseeable and predictable most of the time? Yes, but as I said, still really enjoyable and very good. I watched it at the Fright Fest and the guy who played the villain (and pulls off a very mean scene) was there too. Actually a nice guy, which is a credit to his acting in this movie as a bad guy.