Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens (1979)

Very very predictable, including the post credit scene !!!

The Worst Film Ever

Surprisingly incoherent and boring

Just perfect...

This movie will stretch your patience to breaking point in no time. The constant droning of the on screen 'comedy' narrator, the repeated shots of bouncing breasts and grinding crotches, the hysterical orgasmic screaming of the female leads will have you exhausted with it all after ten minutes. If the tedium doesn't get you then the unceasing loud and overwrought music score will guarantee a headache. Russ Meyer's early movies were much more enjoyable than this last effort where he goes all out to be as 'shocking' and explicit as possible. The women are as amazing as usual (in a an exaggerated cartoon kind of way) for a Russ Meyer movie but if only everyone could have calmed down just a little then it may have been watchable. As it is, watching it just becomes a horrendous, never-ending, shrieking nightmare.

I don't know what offended me more in BENEATH THE VALLEY OF THE ULTRA-VIXENS. Was it the total crudeness of the story and the direction? The two blonde women with the disturbingly ugly fake breasts? Was it Kitten Natividad (who looks like Rosie Perez) portrayed as a nymphomaniac Charo on speed and who jumps on anything with a heartbeat? The German music and swastikas (what's with Meyer and Nazis anyway?)? Was it the pseudo-necrophilia where one of the blonde bimbos with the ugly fake breasts humps an old man in a coffin? The big chunky black woman who owns and operates a junkyard and forces her male employees to have sex with her? The dentist who's a psycho queenie homosexual man who wants to bed Lamar, the main character of the film? The incessant yammering from the old man, or from Kitten during the scenes with her dual persona, Lola Langusta (when she rapes Lamar, her husband), or from the Christian blonde bimbo radio announcer? Shut-up!!!! Is it the baptism scene? The unexplained reason why Lamar can't have sex without doing it doggy style? The scene of the vibrator dipped in vaseline? The all around ugly cast? People's blood being different colors, including a black man who bleeds white blood? The appearance of Russ Meyer during the nonsensical ending?I love earthy movies. And BTVOTUV is definitely earthy but it's too crude and unsophisticated to be enjoyable, even as a sex comedy. I mean, we're talking about something that's less sophisticated than an Austin Powers movie. Yessh! And the constant talking and music gave me a headache. This is Russ Meyer's last film, and was co-written by Roger Ebert(!!!), and even if it never takes itself seriously, it's an extremely overindulgent film, about everything, including the pervasive political incorrectness, which usually doesn't bother me but not this time. The political incorrectness in BTVOTUV is excessive.

There are some films that are entertaining, thought-provoking and well-made. There are some that try to attain these qualities but fail. And then there are films like this. Technically, this film should be awful. The acting is poor, the storyline totally throwaway and there is more gratuitous nudity than... well, anything else in this movie. It's about as politically incorrect as you can get. But on the other hand, it's unpretentious. It's as if Russ Meyer said, "Okay, let's get this straight. This is a sex comedy, now let's get down to the sex and comedy."Once you've got over the fact that this is a Dumb Movie And Proud Of It, this is a funny film. There are some sophisticated bits of satire- the very matter-of-fact narrator who links what is basically a series of sex scenes is reminiscent of those very moral public information films. There are also some jokes that are just plain stupid (the gay marriage counsellor is funny, if stereotypical).Of course, what Russ Meyer films are most famous for is naked busty women. Although I must admit that although the aim of the movie is clearly tittilation, after a while the nudity frankly becomes boring. We basically know that every woman who appears will get 'em out, whether for a sex scene, to sunbathe or, what the hey, just because she's a woman with large breasts. There's only so much you can take before it gets tedious.Otherwise, the movie is pretty much what you'd expect from a Russ Meyer movie of this era. Lots of desert locations, the same actors and actresses that appear in all of them, some truly perverse sex scenes (necrophilia, incest, paedophilia and the list goes on) and a sex scene involving someone babbling on in a foreign language.Broadly speaking, you'll like this if you like Russ Meyer films. If not, you'll be bewildered and confused.

Maybe it's because it was the first Russ Meyer movie that I had ever seen, but I happen to think that it is also his best. Because of this movie, I cannot hear the song OLD-TIME RELIGION without getting dirty thoughts. Sadly, most of the women who have appeared in this movie have never been heard from again (Anne Marie, June Mack, Sharon Hill) and I would like to know if anyone knows whatever became of them. Especially Marie, since she is a local girl. At any rate, this is just a plain, good, old-fashioned, dirty time at the movies. Since this year marks the twentieth anniversary of the movie, I wonder if there will be any special occasions to commemorate the event.