Stonehenge Apocalypse (2010)

It really made me laugh, but for some moments I was tearing up because I could relate so much.

Great example of an old-fashioned, pure-at-heart escapist event movie that doesn't pretend to be anything that it's not and has boat loads of fun being its own ludicrous self.

This is ultimately a movie about the very bad things that can happen when we don't address our unease, when we just try to brush it off, whether that's to fit in or to preserve our self-image.

There are moments that feel comical, some horrific, and some downright inspiring but the tonal shifts hardly matter as the end results come to a film that's perfect for this time.

Gosh - at least 2 noteworthy StarGate characters, and a mad-scientist loon who was determined to allow the apocalyptic cycle to complete so we all - or at least the worthy ones - could ascend. I guess this guy missed the Hale Bopp ascension. At least on StarGate, you generally had to EARN ascension! Ascending Earth en masse sounds like an invitation to create a race of Ori or more likely a bunch of rabid individualist Satan types like Anubis.Most Syfy-produced stuff these days is much less interesting than the stuff they used to do, e.g. Epoch. Sort of like the degeneration that happened to Hallmark when they started having to pump out a constant stream of romance novel garbage. This was at least more interesting than their current monster-of-the-week nonsense, which generally edges into the unwatchable realm IMHO.

The most amazing thing happened: I sat this movie entirely out and in a weird way I found it (believe it or not!) to some minor degree actually entertaining. How come? Well, definitely not on account of the script, which was terrible. Maybe the premise was kind of original, but that seems easy when someone appears to have said: let's concoct the craziest, most unrealistic and most preposterous sci-fi-story ever! The script does its utmost (and succeeds brilliantly) in making the premise NOT work: not only the basic story-line, but all the goings-on are totally surreal and illogical. An (extra-terrestrial?) device lies dormant for billions of years in or under the Stonehenge-monument to suddenly get activated, not for reasons of its own, but because some crazy scientist has found an ancient artifact key. By applying this key on a newly discovered ancient pyramid in Maine, USA (?!?), it sets-off a series of supersonic beams or waves that connect ancient pyramids all over the world and blows them up and start the count-down for a total destruction of mankind. Why, what kind of aliens or ancient civilizations, when?? We never find out. Why the crazy scientist should want to precipitate the destruction of the earth stays in the dark, apart from some ramblings about "a new dawn for a new mankind". Oh really? on a totally annihilated planet?!? Some big shot from the government is brought in to deal with the matter and he disdainfully whisks away every explanation that the present scientists venture to give. Well, you can hardly blame him, the scientists in residence (two timid and wide-eyed ladies and one guy who in the end turns out to be a double-crossing wimp) are forever exchanging totally incomprehensible scientific mumbo-jumbo while obsessively watching silly wave-graphics on their monitors. Then the army is brought in and the commander in charge decides to nuke the place. Yeah, sure, that must be the safest thing to do: throw an atomic bomb on this totally unprecedented and unpredictable science- baffling device!! It's only through the efforts of our hero, a misunderstood scientist who for some unfathomable reason seems the one person who knows exactly what is going on, that the world is saved. With (equally unfathomable) deduction he knows that there is another artifact key that can stop the whole destruction. Huh?? This key conveniently lies exhibited in some archaeological museum in the US. The poor guy, who had just rushed from the US to Stonehenge, Great-Britain, now has to rush back to the States, to steal the key (surviving a gunfight in the process) and then back again to Great-Britain, all this with supersonic speed within the flick of a few hours time while the count-down ticks away the fate of the earth. With his dying breath he stops the destruction in the utter last second. Apart from what I described just now, nothing else remotely exciting happens. Of course everyone is very busy acting flabbergasted by the strange happenings at Stonehenge, and a count-down clock also gives some sense of urgency, but that's really about it. We don't see any aliens, the people that are killed by the radiation are puffed away to nothingness within a second and the global catastrophes are just hinted-at by way of radio and television news-flashes. The special effects (if I may call them thus) are appallingly simple and cheap-looking. The whole Stonehenge area is CGI and looks faker than fake, and when the colossal monoliths begin to move, plowing through the ground as fast as a sharp knife cuts through a pizza, it's so ludicrous that you really cannot believe anyone taking this seriously. The same with the visuals of the Yucatan-, Bali- and Gizeh-pyramids collapsing and exploding: as if they used postcard-images, put a match to it and filmed the result. So the question remains: why did I enjoy myself anyway? For one part it was the pretty fast pace of the movie, which sort of kept you on your toes. And there was this eerie part of me that was compelled to find out with what crazy ending they would come up. But my enjoyment was mainly due to the acting, which was surprisingly good. Misha Collins, who we all know so well as the imperturbable Castiel in the Supernatural series, plays the misunderstood scientist in a very Castiel kind of way, which is rather subdued and (subtly) tongue-in-cheek, and here this works like charm. Torri Higginson is okay, albeit rather unobtrusive, as the female scientist. But the biggest asset is Peter Wingfield. He has an impressive screen-presence and acts with natural ease and authority, and although he must have thought this whole project as way below (his) par, he delivers a very serious and convincing characterization, and it all the more makes you wonder why he (like Misha Collins) went along with this preposterous movie in the first place.

The premise is actually intelligent and exciting, and if the people who took the idea were more talented and had a bigger budget, they could have made a good movie. But they had none of these things and the result is a ridiculous and boring film. It's a classic case of limited talents overreaching. The science often didn't add up, the sets were cheap, the locations were unconvincing, the action scenes were boring, the special effects were mostly poor, and the actors often couldn't get their accents right. Where are the makers of Godzilla when we need them? Their films, while cheap and tacky, were at least fun. But this is a joyless trip in spite of its end-of-the-world stakes. I never believed it for a minute.

First and final impression: I liked and am glad I gave it a chance, this is one of those movies that easily goes under everyone's radar due to generic reasons such as, not getting publicity, not going through the cinema and to be on low budget. For all intents and purposes it succeeded nicely to convey the story in a pace that kept the viewers interested and never bored, this movie kept it succinct and albeit short, introduced all characters as pieces to help reach for a conclusion and not try to forcefully spew out a story and character development/romance all in one, overall it is a nicely done movie and if people who like the genre watch it with a open mind and not hold unrealistic expectations for it, I'm sure they will enjoy it as I have