Guaranteed on Delivery (2002)

Just so...so bad

There is just so much movie here. For some it may be too much. But in the same secretly sarcastic way most telemarketers say the phrase, the title of this one is particularly apt.

it is the rare 'crazy' movie that actually has something to say.

There is, somehow, an interesting story here, as well as some good acting. There are also some good scenes

While Jalal Merhi would not officially put his career in action movies on hiatus 'til later that decade, 2001's GUARANTEED ON DELIVERY marks the last action vehicle he'd star in for about 15 years. It's understandable: Merhi was never one of my favorite karate guys, but he had done way better than this in his prime and seems to be running on fumes, here. Despite its cool cast and provocative title, this is a pretty boring action flick that, at best, is a poor version of THE TRANSPORTER.The story: When a security guard-turned-courier (Merhi) realizes that his cargo is actually a victim of human trafficking (Justine Priestly), both of them are hunted by the minions of the perpetrator (Olivier Gruner).There's few things that the film outright does wrong, but nothing it does otherwise ever really clicks. The story is almost completely devoid of surprises. The characters move the plot from point to point, but none of them really catch your attention – even Daddy David Carradine, in his role as Merhi's ex-employer, is forgotten as soon as he's off-screen. The look of the film is flat and the acting's exactly what you'd expect from a Merhi movies.The action's surprisingly minimal, coming from the guy whose movies used to be stuffed with adrenaline scenes. There's some shooting and some punching, but only about three scenes of gunfighting and fisticuffs, each. Carradine doesn't fight at all and neither does Olivier Gruner, leaving the brunt of the action scenes to be carried by Jalal. Though his on screen opponents include kickboxing star Luraina Undershute and the much-missed Darren Shahlavi, none of the fights are particularly good and they uniformly suffer from lax editing.Stay away from this one. Us action fans can do a lot better.

For a movie that boasts starring David Carradine, Olivier Gruner and Jalal Merhi... It's actually not that bad.Merhi delivers his best performance (which isn't saying much) and gives the best fight scenes he's ever had on screen.Carradine is sleep-walking through the role, but is entertaining nonetheless. The guy has a presence that most action star these days would beg to have. And Gruner, well, he is decent. He doesn't throw a single kick or punch in the flick - can the guy even fight? - but he's acceptable as a villain. Nothing special.The real star was the director, who managed to make this an entertaining film despite the low budget. Props to him for making a pre-"Taken" movie before "Taken" even existed. This is a solid action flick with some really good fights and a decent storyline. It's worth checking out if you're a fan of the genre. I remember renting this on VHS when it came out and being quite surprised with it. So much so that I tracked down a DVD copy years later and watch it every now and then. It truly is one of the better direct-to-video action flicks of the time. And that's saying something with Merhi in the lead.

Sometimes direct-to-video movies are hidden gems, but this is not one of them.(Mild spoilers follow regarding certain plot details.)Jalal Merhi plays a cop who then becomes a security guard who then becomes a truck driver who runs a service called Guaranteed on Delivery (G.O.D.). His latest job is to deliver a chest for some mysterious art dealer-types, which turns out to contain a tied-up woman. He helps her out, but from then on you'd be hard pushed to understand any of the motivations of the characters involved. Rather than contact the police, he decides to go through with the delivery. The reason: to earn a grand sum of $500, which will apparently solve all his financial problems. Also, the woman decides is quite happy to go with him and place her life in danger, even though his plan doesn't require the use of her services at all.One cliche after another follows, such as the fact that the art dealers just happened to be involved with the death of his wife years previously, the kidnapped relative who serves no other purpose in the movie (the bad guys don't even ask for a ransom, or give details of their location, yet the good guys somehow find them), the showdown between two guys with guns who decide to put them down to settle the dispute with their fists, blonde assassin chick in black leather, etc. etc. And there's also a pointless twist at the end which makes no sense.David Carradine and Oliver Gruner turn up in dull roles, very suited to a dull movie. If you see it in a rental store, and you've seen everything else, take my advice and walk out.Eccentric Brit rates it 2/10

Ray Stanton (Jalal Merhi) works as a bank security guard. A robbery takes place, by Olivier Gruner and his gang, and the shootout leaves Ray's wife dead.Unable to get back to work he starts his own delivery service, GOD - Guaranteed On Delivery, and personally transports packages. In one delivery he discovers he is transport human cargo, a girl which have been kidnapped. By the same gang that robbed the bank of course...Adrian Kaminski (Gruner) and his gang start hunt them to get back the girl. Bad plot, bad acting, and very bad and slow fighting scenes makes this a very boring film, if it was not for Olivier Gruner. He plays the bad guy very well with very good acting. Sadly he does not throw a single kick in the whole movie. He was really needed in the fighting and action scenes, because the last 20 minutes which contain the most action was almost the worst part of the movie, so that speaks for it self.Some of these low budget, bad plot movies can be pretty good because of the action, but when the action is bad also, then the movie really takes a turn for the worse. Olivier Gruner once again show how lucky the people behind the movies are to have him, because he is the only reason to see this movie.