The Black Knight Returns (2009)

Such a frustrating disappointment

Save your money for something good and enjoyable

Good story, Not enough for a whole film

Too much about the plot just didn't add up, the writing was bad, some of the scenes were cringey and awkward,

Yes, all the one and two-star reviews nailed it. This is essentially a disaster from start to finish. The costumes look like something made in an afternoon out of Hefty bags (seriously, I think they used Hefty bags for capes) and bedsheets. The acting is the usual c-movie amateur hour stuff you'd expect to see during the first hour of the first class of a community college Drama 101 course - it's so bad, I have actually watched it three times in two days - like passing a car accident, you can't look away.Also, keep a close eye on the old man... if you want a laugh, pay attention to how much he seems to be really, really hands-on with his nubile young protégée. lurking in his bedroom, creepily watching the young DK sleep... massaging him.... even some light S&M ("im going to teach you about endurance to pain" he says, having just knocked the young DK out and climbing on him, helpless on the floor)... kind of like a pervy old Alfred, from Batman.Also, for the first time in any review I've ever written about a c-movie, I have to say this is easily the first instance in which the lack of a competent makeup artist actually broke the fourth wall (this movie and its heavy overuse of close-ups in most scenes came off more like a Clearasil commercial than anything else - the zit count in this video is almost a drinking game in itself - drink every time you see a zit in a close-up). The film actually did not have a makeup artist - only a special effects guy labeled "Makeup Department" (no, Im not kidding - check out IMDb). I think everyone in the film suffered some allergic, zit-inducing reaction to the script. Why they felt it necessary to include incest in the plot, I still cannot explain (no, not kidding there, either).But, Im gonna try and offer some positives amidst the already well-covered and plentiful flaws of this video (sorry... I can't bring myself to call this a film). First, the music really was not half-bad (this being relative, of course) for such a nil-budget, weekend shoot - if you can ignore the fact that for about 50% of the video the music is so loud you can't hear the dialog. Second, they did try to make the most with nothing and I appreciate the effort. Third, a couple of the actors were not atrocious (the African-American computer guy, for example), though most were.Far and away the best part of this project was (as is often the case) the DVD cover artwork.Make no mistake: this is not a Batman movie - it's like Batman filmed by escaped mental patients.

I could not make it through the first 2 minutes without turning it off. So this review is for the first 2 minutes only. 2/10 stars is sufficient to tell you:1) The movie is not worth the time I just wrote this. But I am writing this so that you will not watch more than the 2 minutes.2) If you believe this was a grade school assignment, then it is definitely merits 2 stars for sheer effort. 3) If anyone who was involved in creating, producing and selling this movie are to read this, please try doing something else for your own sake.

A film like this was obviously great fun to make but to watch it you gotta be something special. The main points of note are the special effects, I have seen better from total amateurs on youtube. And the time dilation effect generated in your brain, this movie should be played to criminals in jail that way a 10 year sentence would seem like 100 years and with no repeat offenders. The writing is OK the acting isn't so bad, so if the budget was a bit higher this movie could have been worth watching but mostly its not. So if you have a choice of 90mins extreme torture or watching this movie think very carefully how you want to spend the time as its a close call between the two choices.

Easily the most awful movie made in years. Devoid of plot, good acting, intelligent writing, good action or even good-looking stars, one can only ask why this movie was made. With a threadbare plot based loosely on some kind of psychic rebirth of the Black Knight, who fights crime, the movie rambles on for nearly 90 minutes on nothing but the naked audacity of its makers. Any two clowns on the street could manage more realistic fight sequences than are staged here. The quality of this movie is not even bad-funny, just too bad for human viewing. As of this review, 7 viewers have, on average, managed to give this film just over 5 stars. I can only ask: are you kidding? A high school film class could easily best this effort. If I could have rated it zero, I would have. Do yourself a favor and forget you ever saw this title on IMDb.