I Love You, Don't Touch Me! (1997)

if their story seems completely bonkers, almost like a feverish work of fiction, you ain't heard nothing yet.

After playing with our expectations, this turns out to be a very different sort of film.

A film of deceptively outspoken contemporary relevance, this is cinema at its most alert, alarming and alive.

Blistering performances.

This movie was absolutely DELIGHTFUL!!! To me, the fact that the first-time young writer-director, Ms. Julie Davis, has not received greater acceptance (i.e. WORK) in Hollywood, is a veritable TRAGEDY of Wellesian proportions!!! (i.e. "Wellesian" as in "Orson") The same holds true for the lead actress, Ms. Marla Schaffel.I especially enjoyed reports that Ms. Davis was promoting this movie at the Sundance Film Festival by passing out underwear visibly imprinted with "I Love You", but also imprinted with an "invisible" glow-in-the-dark "Don't Touch Me". (What a WONDERFUL sense of humor!!)This movie beautifully captures the essence of our search for true, meaningful love, with all of its pitfalls and dead-ends. How anyone could fail to LOVE it totally escapes me. The fact that per one reviewer, it was based in part on Ms. Davis' actual life experiences, only ADDS to its fascination. I used this movie as a "litmus test" for prospective mates: I would rent it, show it to her, and if she didn't like it, the affair was OVER!

The 1998 film, "I Love You, Don't Touch Me" should have changed it's name to "I'm Garbage, Don't Watch Me." Despite this movie's flaws, it did manage to become, unquestionably, one of the worst films I have ever seen in my life...ever. Bad acting, horrible direction, and clichés every few lines of dialogue about the feminist female psyche make "I Love You..." not only bad, but painstakingly unwatchable as well. But hey, at least it had robotic, unfunny, campy dialogue working for it, right? Oh wait.

I can't believe there are people out there that don't like this movie. It's great! I saw it on a lark and it's wormed it's way into my heart as being among my top 10 favorites. A lot of people compare Julie Davis to Woody Allen. Yes, that's true. But I also think she's a lot like Susan Seidelman. If you've ever seen Smithereens or Desperately Seeking Susan, you'd know what I'm talking about. The film has it all-comedy, great singing and heartfelt emotion. Yes, a lot of what this girl says and does contradicts itself-but that's life and that's what makes this film realistic. This film has an independent feel and is not "Hollywood" at all. The ending is a little pat, but I forgive it that. I anxiously await Ms. Davis next movie! If you see this on cable, watch!!!!!!!!!!!!

This film harkens back to a time long past. About five minutes into the movie, I started thinking about my film school days, watching the sad projects of my classmates and trying to think of something nice to say about them. I couldn't find much here. This is about the quality of a 3rd year film school major, right before they drop out to study television. Everything seemed familiar, as if I'd seen it all before in a better movie, and downright unbelievable. At one point, the main character happens upon her cheating boyfriend in bed with another woman in the middle of the day. There's nothing new here. Even the staging seems a copy. First I wonder, are they living together? Well, she's a virgin so probably not. Then, why is she barging into her boyfriend's apartment without knocking. Or, maybe it's her apartment, but what idiot would bring home another woman to his girlfriend's apartment in the middle of the day. She storms out. Of course, the boyfriend grabs a ridiculous object to cover his groin as he runs out after her. In this case, it's a stuffed animal. He runs after her, yelling, "it was an accident!" Huh?The main character just doesn't seem all that interesting. She says (I'm paraphrasing), "Why can't I find a guy with a strong sense of himself, a large penis, and a large wallet." Wow, do women really tell other women stuff like that? I guess I've been giving them too much credit. My girlfriend says they don't. Who cares.