Star Pilot (1977)

hyped garbage

It's funny watching the elements come together in this complicated scam. On one hand, the set-up isn't quite as complex as it seems, but there's an easy sense of fun in every exchange.

Great example of an old-fashioned, pure-at-heart escapist event movie that doesn't pretend to be anything that it's not and has boat loads of fun being its own ludicrous self.

A movie that not only functions as a solid scarefest but a razor-sharp satire.

I haven't done this in a while, but for Star Pilot, I'm going to use the plot summary from IMDb: "Aliens from the constellation Hydra crash-land on the island of Sardinia. A prominent scientist, his daughter, several young technicians, and a pair of Oriental spies are taken hostage by the beings so they can use them to repair their spaceship's broken engine. With that done, they take off towards their home planet, taking the earthlings with them. However, the humans attempt to mutiny against their captors, inadvertently sending their tiny spaceship hurtling into the infinite beyond." I used the IMDb plot summary because, even after watching Star Pilot, I'm not entirely sure what it was all about. The movie made very little sense to me. But even though I may have been confused during most of the movie, parts of it were still a lot of fun in a campy / cheesy sort of way. Instead of the usual write-up I do, here are a few random thoughts I have regarding Star Pilot:1. While the cast wasn't much to write home about, it's always cool seeing Kirk Morris and Gordon Mitchell outside a Sword and Sandal film. I just wish Mitchell had been in the film for more than 20 seconds. Other than getting his name in the credits, I'm not really sure why the filmmakers even bothered.2. There's a decent size chunk of the film "borrowed" from Doomsday Machine. The differences in film quality, acting, and everything else is a little jarring. It's shocking just how good the stuff from Doomsday Machine looks in comparison. The clips include a scene with Casey Kasem – minus Kasem's very recognizable voice.3. Why bother with the Chinese secret agents? It adds absolutely nothing to the plot. It seems like such an unnecessary plot detail that amounts to nothing in the end.4. I suppose that if I had to pick a highlight, it would be actress Leontine May's ever-shrinking wardrobe. She begins the film fairly modestly dressed, but by the end, she's wearing a full body fishnet with a few strategically placed feathers. In some ways, the 5/10 I've given Star Pilot may not be fair. The copy I watched seemed to be horribly cut-up. IMDb lists a runtime of 89 minutes. The version I watched was only 81 minutes. I'm not sure how much difference the extra 8 minutes would make, but I'd certainly be up for giving it another go with a complete copy.

When you are a science-savvy person, watching science fiction films is often a painful experience: whether it is completely unrealistic (but in a way dramatically understandable) gaffes like loud roaring sound effects in the vacuum of outer space, or the unbelievable idiocy of people who think "backup engines" are there to make a rocket go, well, back up ... one just never knows what offenses filmmakers will slap up on screen.Unfortunately, there is little one can do to prepare for something like _Star Pilot_, or however one wants to reference this particular Italian "science fiction" mess. The creators of this thing not only did not have a scientifically literate person on set, they all seem to have skipped every science class that was offered in their school careers! Other reviewers have pointed out the film's startling revelation that -- contrary to what science tells us -- it is actually quite comfortable beyond the confines of any planetary atmosphere whatever, and you can just twirl around between spaceships without the benefit of a helmet or any other bulky garb. Truly amazing. I was also amazed to note that when "Bellsy" was out in the balmy vacuum repairing the ship's antenna, gravity just seemed to switch on and off without warning - since the damaged antenna he removed visibly fell down and out of sight, no matter how much bouncing around (on a trampoline, apparently) Bellsy did himself! I could go on forever. I could cite the space chart / screen two characters stared at that appeared to have standard N-E-W-S compass directions on it. Future generations of Cub Scouts will no doubt be relieved to know that there is a North in outer space, and that their compasses will work.And yet ... this film is so stupid on so many levels (despite pretensions to ... uh, something at the end) that it manages to be quite entertaining at times. It's THAT kind of bad. It would have made a good MST3K target. It's garish, incomprehensible, nonsensical, giddy, idiotic. Furthermore, some of the actors make okay eye candy, if you are into that kind of thing. "Leontine" alone is worth the price of admission, as she is some kind of cross between Angelina Jolie, Barbarella-era Jane Fonda, and something I can't quite name. Her costumes made me believe that Western culture does indeed have a basement, a hard rock floor beyond which nothing can possibly go. And yet ... no matter how often I wanted to turn away, I just ... could not.

The plot itself involves the usual alien abduction, and is not very original. When compared to Francisci's other films, this one lags remarkably. However, it has a definite B-movie appeal, and is, when viewed as an interstellar espionage film, quite up to par with the later entries of Alfonso Brescia (although Brescia did more of a slap-dash space opera with little of the espionage element). Maybe, then, this film is a big brother of Primo Zeglio's "Mission Stardust." I'll tell you what it isn't, though. It certainly isn't up to par with Antonio Margheriti's sci-fi films, many of which were directed during the same period. Francisci never made such judicious use of miniature models as did Margheriti, and, on a special effects level, this one must be ranked along with Alfonso Brescia's flicks.One of the highlights of the film, is the return of actress Leonora Ruffo after a three year hiatus. Never a prolific actress, she was at her peak in films such as Francisci's "Queen of Sheba" and Sergio Grieco's "The Black Devil." Being a consummate movie buff, I also admired her performance in Francisci's 1951 film "Le Meravigliose Avventure di Guerrin Meschino," in which Gino Leurini fights stone giants, colossal dragons, and evil witches, in an attempt to free the then 16-year-old actress Ruffo. She looked so beautiful at that time, but in this film she appears... well... matronly. Nevertheless, Pietro Francisci dresses her up in a mini skirt, with a décolleté top-piece, and lets her play the commander of the alien spaceship.Gordon Mitchell shows up briefly as a dispatcher from the home planet, who gives his orders to Ruffo. As usual, his murderous glare and menacing attitude squeeze him into the plot as a superfluous bad guy, who has very little to do with the film. Some Asian criminals show up, speak bad English, and attempt to take over the ship, but are subdued by the professor and the others after a fist-fight inside the space-ship. Later, Ruffo falls for Nando Angelini's character, while Leontine May gets cozy with Kirk Morris. The film ends rather mysteriously, with some sort of weak message on the horrors of radioactive waste being dumped into the atmosphere, and the ensuing end of mankind.Now, the ultimate question. Was this just a paycheck for Pietro Francisci, or did he really have serious pretenses when making this film? After viewing "2+5 Mission Hydra", the answer is fairly obvious. Francisci had already made whatever artistic statements he once had in such earlier films as "Hercules," "The Siege of Syracuse," "Attila," "Queen of Sheba," and "Guerrin Meschino." This was a downslide for him, and he didn't shoot another movie until 1973, when he directed the low-budget and somewhat asinine "Sinbad and the Caliph of Bagdad." Francisci was mainly a director of epic films. And I kept that in mind while watching this one. On the whole, this is a film that one should watch if he or she enjoys cheap thrills, or is a die-hard completist. If you're looking for lots of big-budget effects, a well-written script, and superior acting, stick to Margheriti's sci-fi films.

This movie was re-released to cash in on the original Star Wars mania. Filmed on a budget of maybe, 15,000 Lira, it is a tour-de-force of nearly every 50's SF cliche' from the greying Scientist father to his luscious, oh-so innocent raven haired daughter in her fishnet bodysuit (with strategically placed bits of fluff) being menaced by Ape creatures to Bruno the Martian "floating" across an expanse of space with the aid of a trampoline (no, I'm not kidding). SEE the mysterious ancient city model filmed resting on a chair! See the twinkling stars! (and try not to notice the wires, swaying in an apparent breeze from an off camera fan). If you love bad films, by all means check it out-it's a scream. I saw this as the bottom half of a double bill with "Spawn of the Slithis" and couldn't stop laughing....