Attack of the Sabretooth (2005)

The Worst Film Ever

recommended

The movie turns out to be a little better than the average. Starting from a romantic formula often seen in the cinema, it ends in the most predictable (and somewhat bland) way.

This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

Atrocious: no-name actors, appalling CGI, predictable plot and stereotyped characters. You have to wonder why this film was made... Is it a parody? It surely can't be anything else? This inept film doesn't have much going for it. A kind of JURASSIC PARK with the billionaire messing around with genetics and coming up with sabretooth tigers. The script calls them huge but they look like pussycats. The cast is ineffectual: Robert Carradine doing a Jack Nicholson impression, Nicholas Bell being British and boring and Stacy Haiduk trying to exude sexuality - and flunking. The sub-plot involves - what else? - a group of mindless college kid clichés. There's no suspense.

Talk about a blatant rip off of the Jurassic Park movies!!! It would be forgivable if only it was a good movie. Did not happen! Thew whole plot of the movie seemed to be let us see how much fake gore and guts we can throw out there. The acting was sub par in general and terrible with a couple of the characters. Your security chief is off banging the maintenance guy when things start to go wrong, the owner is a total tool and his brother-in-law is a louse. Most of the employees think there are only two cats but as the movie drags on there is a third, crippled one and at the end I guess the two mobile ones had kits judging by the last scene. gosh I sure hope there isn't a sequel. I sure won't watch it. The cats are bulimic so they kill, puke, and kill some more. Okay, if they can't keep food down how are they still alive? That was never addressed in the movie. A really poorly done movie.

**Some Spoilers** Run of the mill prehistoric DNA generated monster flick involving this group of fun loving teenagers going on a scavenger hunt on the exclusive island paradise of Valalola in the Fuji islands. It's there that the island's owner the arrogant and all full of himself Niles is planning his Primal Park resort where he has genetically engineered three ferocious saber tooth tigers. Niles did all that in order to attract thousands of tourists and their millions of dollars they'll be more then willing to spend to see the prehistoric big cats.Niles wanting to stick it to his ex-brother in law Grant who had once bankrupted him in a drawn out legal battle now what's him to eat his heart out on this new found gold mine he has in Valalola. It turns out that the only ones doing any eating in the movie is this trio of saber tooth tigers who by the time the movie is over have eaten almost the entire cast, including Grant and his stuck up girlfriend Autumn.This horror begins when scavenger hunt participants Robby & Kirk disarm the islands security system releasing the big cats on those millionaire Wall Street big wigs who came to invest in Niel's latest venture. Not wanting to scare his future clients away Niles does everything he can to keep them from finding out that their lives are in danger thus endangering them even more then they already are!The saber tooth tigers themselves are a piece of work in that their severally bulimic causing them, after tearing them apart, to takes just a bite or two out of their victim's and leaving what's left more or less, for a better word, both intact and in pieces! The biggest of the three big cats, weighing almost a ton, is unable to use his hind legs causing him to crawl after his victims who are either too scared or hysterical, with laughter, to run away from him.Niles himself is so stuck on his latest invention, the park and it's man eating inhabitants, that he still doesn't get it in how dangerous the big cats are until the very end of the movie. It's then that Niles finally gets the point to how crazy his venture with the unknown and unexpected really is by the "point", a what looks like a 12 foot long saber tooth, getting to him first!Not that bad of a made for TV horror/monster movie with the special effects as good as you can expect them to be for it's less then 3 million dollar budget. About a third of what the salary of actor Bruce Willis would be if he stared in the film.

Just the fact that the cover is a drawing, like those old B-movies should give you a warning about the quality of this movie. This is, however not a B-movie. It is a D-movie! There are no known actors, and the animals - WOW - it is the worst data-animation ever made during the last two decades. You hardly ever see the SCAAARY sabretooth shown on the front cover. You just hear people scream, bleed and die and you occasionally see a teeth or a tiger-paw. It's so amateur! Maybee worth seeing, just because it's so bad. Give it to a friend and say: "This is the best movie I have ever seen, and wait for their reaction" He, he. The movie is to weak to give it a Spoiler Alert! THIS IS A SPOILER.