The Erotic Rites of Frankenstein (1973)

Critics,are you kidding us

Just intense enough to provide a much-needed diversion, just lightweight enough to make you forget about it soon after it’s over. It’s not exactly “good,” per se, but it does what it sets out to do in terms of putting us on edge, which makes it … successful?

This movie feels like it was made purely to piss off people who want good shows

The joyful confection is coated in a sparkly gloss, bright enough to gleam from the darkest, most cynical corners.

Jess/Jesùs Franco (also known under approximately two dozen of pseudonyms) must be – hands down – the most audience-dividing filmmaker in history! Regardless which one of his more than 200 (!) movies that you research here on this website results in ultra-contradictory viewers' opinions. Some claim that he was a severely underrated visionary and progressive artist of surrealism, while others carelessly downgrade him to one of the most incompetent and perverted amateur directors of all times. And me? I generally tend to agree with the first bunch of people, although admittedly I can sometimes just enjoy a certain Franco movie when I'm in a very tolerant mood and/or under the influence of large amounts of alcohol. "The Erotic Rites of Frankenstein" is arguably one of Jess' most challenging efforts. It definitely contains several ingenious and innovative aspects, but at the same time you can't get passed the numerous 'what the hell' moments and almost laughable story development. Speaking of alcohol, I assume that good old Jess had to be quite drunk as well to come up with a scenario like this. Dig this: Doctor Frankenstein is busy minding his own business and joyfully creating a monster when, suddenly, a ferocious blind bird-lady invades his laboratory, kills him and takes off with his semi-resurrected monster. The bird-lady turns out to be an acolyte of the evil wizard Cagliostro who intends to build a whole race of super-monsters, males and females! I'm not entirely sure why, but I reckon it's primarily to organize massive S&M orgies and gradually obtain world domination or something. After all, isn't that the goal all evil wizards pursue? Anyways, Frankenstein's daughter Vera wants to avenge her father, but she's rapidly captured by Cagliostro and – through a lot of whipping – forced to fabricate the first female mate for the monster. What makes this film so unfathomable, I think, is the wide variety of colorful and flamboyant characters. The Bird Lady, impeccably depicted by Anne Libert, is a fascinating and disturbingly loyal shrew with bright green feathers on her arms. She's blind but sees through the hypnotic mind of her master. Cagliostro, played by Franco's shadow Howard Vernon, is a skinny freak with heinous eyes and he has a ridiculous bush of pubic hair glued to his chin. The Frankenstein monster here is, for whatever unknown reason, painted silver and stumbles around the sets like he doesn't really fit into the story. Vera Frankenstein disrespectfully brings her father back from the dead no less than three times, just to gain some additional information about his slayer and it is all for nothing, since she is soon captured and whipped. Franco does succeed in – occasionally - generating a genuinely macabre atmosphere, mainly through misty forests, uncanny costumes and sinister musical guidance. And regarding the psychedelic sexual content? Well, let's just state that Franco unquestionably was a provocative pioneer in this department. "The Erotic Rites of Frankenstein" is one of the few movies that actually make me wonder: what would Mary Shelley think? Footnote: there exists a heavily cut version entitled "The Curse of Frankenstein", not to be confused with the legendary Hammer classic starring Peter Cushing. In this version, most of the sexual content has been replaced with an additional sub plot about Lina Romay (in her very first appearance in a Franco movie) as a gypsy girl wandering through the woods and receiving mental messages from Cagliostro. The sub plot leads absolutely nowhere, but hey, what else did you expect?

Doctor Frankenstein (Dennis Price) creates a man (Fernando Bilbao), but before he can fully enjoy his creation, Melisa (Anne Libert), a blind vampire with wolfman hands, steals him and takes him to her master Cagliostro (Howard Vernon) so he can use him to collect beautiful virgins. Not exactly the Frankenstein story we are familiar with, but one from the mind of Jesus Franco.Vera Frankenstein (Beatriz Savón) is on the hunt to find her father's creature and continue his work. Unfortunately, she falls into the clutches of Caliostro and must help him in his quest to create the most beautiful woman in the world. I don't know why he wants to create a woman when Lina Romay is close at hand, and she would certainly qualify on her own.The film was a great disappointment as it was basically a story of an evil genius, a strange vampire that served him and Frankenstein's creature. The creature didn't rape any beautiful virgins. In fact, there was nothing in the film that would get it more than a PG-13 rating - and that was all from the blood drawn by the vampire.

I am generally a big fan of the highly prolific exploitation filmmaker Jess Franco, yet it is undeniable that his impressive repertoire includes ingenious films as well as big time stinkers. While this "Erotic Rites Of Frankenstein" of 1972 is not one of the most awful films Franco has ever brought to screen it definitely ranges among his lesser ones. The film has its positive aspects, including a certain delightful weirdness, but it is overall a bit too messy, and often quite boring. Still, for my fellow trash fans, there are some reasons to see the film. This is the first film ever starring Lina Romay, who subsequently became a Franco-film-regular and sleaze-queen. Romay was only 18 when this film was made, and she became director Franco's wife some time later. The film's storyline is weird and very absurd, and basically typical for a Franco flick. I will not go into detail, but I'll say this much: The story revolves about an insane scientist/sorcerer named Cagliostro (regular Franco-film star Howard Vernon), who has a cult of devoted freaks in his castle, and wants to create a human 'masterrace' by crossing beautiful women with Frankenstein's monster. Or whatever. Sounds like a lot of weird fun, I know, but sadly the film gets quite tiresome at times. There are two versions of the film, one of which is a lot sleazier. They basically shot the whole film twice, with the exact same things happening, only that the women are mostly clothed in one version and mostly fully naked in the other. My DVD contains the more prudish version, with the more explicit 'alternative' scenes as a bonus feature. I strongly recommend to watch the sleazier version, of course, since the sleaze factor is arguably the most recommendable thing about the film. The female cast is lovely to look at and mostly naked (in the interesting version). Also, there are some ridiculous and amateurish, but delightfully weird outburst of violence. The cinematography and settings are also very good. Howard Vernon enjoys a certain cult status among many of my fellow exploitation fans, and rightly so, if I am considered. The guy was certainly not the most brilliant actor ever, but he fit very well in the trashy Eurohorror roles that he played. Vernon's repertoire ranges from some excellent films (such Jess Franco's very own masterpiece "Miss Muerte") to god-awful (such as Jean Rollin's dreadful "Zombie Lake") and his presence actually makes films like this one a lot more worthwhile. This film of many aka. titles (such as "La Maldición De Frankenstein") is watchable (in the explicit version) for its weirdness, but one shouldn't expect too much. Among the Franco films I've seen (and those are quite many by now) this one doesn't rank at the very bottom, but it certainly ranges in the lesser half.

This picture is utterly weird. Between unbelievably dull scenes (filmed without any inspiration) we find some of the most extraordinary scene's ever. It uses characters and idea's that were known at that time (and are therefore not introduced), but since comics like Crepax' Valentina are sinking to obscurity, girls who are actually birds and a monster of Frankenstein who whips a couple while they are standing above a field of sharp pins aren't daily routine. I was lucky to find a copy on VHS, so it exists!