Alien Blood (1999)

Why so much hype?

Very well executed

good back-story, and good acting

The first must-see film of the year.

It's hard to believe any film that blends aliens and vampires together could turn out to be such a stinker, but alas writer/director Jon Sorensen manages to fumble the ball something terrible in every possible way. For starters, the pace crawls at a painfully sluggish rate while the sloppy narrative meanders all over the place without ever acquiring any focus, tension, or momentum. Worse yet, Sorensen brings a heavy-handed pretentious artsy-fartsy sensibility to the movie that sucks all the fun out of it. The poorly staged action scenes consist mostly of clumsy martial arts that are done in groan-inducing strenuous slow motion. The cruddy (far from) special effects (the CGI alien is simply pathetic), underwhelming acting from an insipid cast, cheesy gore, and ugly cinematography add further abject insult to already appalling injury. Only some tasty gratuitous female nudity -- plus one guy who goes full monty for the ladies -- and Glyn Whiteside's lively portrayal of the ruthless Jouvet provide some slight relief from the overall tedium. A dismal dud.

This is a film that requires some patience, and for that reason may not be compatible with the regular Multiplex-movie-goer. But for those who watch movies for their content instead of only for fast moving ridiculousness, this is a very interesting one, because it is a little of a lot of things and a lot of never seen before. Apparently the producer/writer/director Jon Sorensen (responsible for the special effects of Alien, The Dark Crystal, Moonraker and Terry Gilliam's Time Bandits, to name a few) had trouble finding funds to finance the film, because in Britain it was the first independent film with a science fiction theme in at least ten years. Producing it himself he eventually managed to go on with the project, and that is a very good thing, because he made certainly the first British independent film of any kind that is remotely like ALIEN BLOOD. The film evolves around a hunted mother and her child, which is the target of the incredibly unrelenting mostly masked persons, the leader of which mentions to be responsible for "this project". A family having a dress-party for the millennium gets involved and without us learning the exact truth about the mother and the child, the film is keeping the viewer constantly involved with them, concerned for them. Without much plot this is a very poetic film, of which each and every frame could be framed and hanged on the wall for it's sheer beauty. The atmosphere reminds a little of some of the best Jean Rollin pictures, especially Requiem For A Vampire, as it shares a very long beginning without any dialog, and a sneaked in vampire theme combined with some implied lesbianism plus the fact that people who come "from another world" speak French lead to believe that the director indeed wanted to include some nods to the French auteur filmmaker. With it's visual poetry, stunningly thrilling atmosphere, wonderfully worked out story and questions that still remain after the closing titles have ended, this is a very special film. Some people complain about the acting in many films that are made with a comparatively small budget, but even the most cynical of those could complain here. The acting has to be done without a lot of lines, so facial expressions are very important, and the cast deliver a great performance. The DVD has an interesting monologue by Sorensen, in which he shares a good deal of information about the production of the film and beautiful shots of the location (just as beautiful) where Alien Blood was shot.

I happened to find this film in a double DVD pack in the bargain bin at blockbuster. 1.99 for two such spectacular sounding films!! How could anyone resist? Surely a film with a blurb that involves not only aliens but vampires as well (hence the witty title) couldn't possibly be bad? After watching the truly FANTASTIC cinematic work that is Alien Blood, I must confess I have somewhat questioned the logic of my decision. The film has, as I can see, nothing even remotely resembling a plot. The story, so far as I can tell, is about some ugly women and a spooky kid who are being chased, as the blurb says, by 'a group of killers'. Possibly some sort of bizarre 'killers day out', I don't know, this is never explained.The incredibly limited dialogue that does appear in the film (it can't be more than about 10 lines) is delivered in such a wonderfully badly acted way that it makes one want to chew off their own fist in sheer embarrassment. The cast mostly consists of blokes dressed all in black with, for some strange reason, what appears to be bandages wrapped around their heads. I think this is more than likely to disguise the fact that they are in fact all the same person as they can't actually afford more than three actors on screen at anyone time.The rest of the cast are the ugliest bunch of people you could ever hope to see and have between them the acting abilities of a damp dish cloth. The best of all being 'Dracula', who in this film appears as a Cumbrian known as 'James', during the limited time he is in this film before being shot by a (clearly not) French alien he seems to be drunk off his face. I can't help but wonder if he even knew he was in this film!! I can imagine that Sorresson woke up the day after making this film, with a bad head ache and a few empty bottles of whiskey, seeing the video tape and going 'God no!! I've done it again!' Despite being without a doubt the worse film ever made, this is truly hilarious and I would recommend it to anyone!

I received a reject copy of Alien Blood for free along with a bunch of other extremely bad movies when I interned for Troma a long time ago. The cover art looked so pitifully stupid that I couldn't bear to even pop it in my DVD player for years. I expected it to be an unfunny, poorly made, boring Alien rip off with bad computer effects, in the vein of Legend of the Chupacabra [another free Troma movie I got in the same batch--possibly the worst movie I have ever seen in my life]. The only reason I decided to watch it tonight was because I'm trying to build up the perfect DVD collection, and Alien Blood is a blight on my shelf. Also, I asked my boyfriend if he would rather watch Alien Blood or Brad Grinter: Nudist. Those familiar with Something Weird's BLOOD FREAK release will understand why he chose Alien Blood!Anyway, the good thing about having rock-bottom expectations for a movie is that you may easily be pleasantly surprised by some aspect of it. In this case, the cinematography made the movie almost worthwhile. There are many striking shots, most notably a great one of a bagpiper up on a cliff while a gunman waits below in the foreground. A few effects are a WAY overused, such as breaking up a shot with fades to black over and over again, or using slow-motion on a flickering candle. Also, I got a very Pure Moods/Enya vibe from some of the waterfall and nature footage. Overall though, I'd say the photography was great--symmetrical, well-composed, and a lot like Ginger Snaps.As for the plot itself--ickk! My boyfriend and I figured Jon Sorenson had a vampire movie all planned out, but then someone came to him and said, "What's better than a vampire movie? A vampire ALIEN movie!" so he added a bunch of nonsense about women who run silently through the English countryside, standing atop rocky cliffs and communing with screaming moon-men [depicted in jarringly fake CG]. Admittedly, I did find the screaming moon-man to be hilarious. He shows up in the DVD menu loop, which I watched over and over again with great relish.Also, I appreciated how the director at least TRIED to tell a complex story without using many words, even though he definitely didn't pull it off.At any rate, the alien ladies seek shelter in a house full of bickering adulterous vampires. As I type that, I realize that it sounds like an amazing premise. It should have been amazing. Instead, the vampires act just like ordinary people, only they dress in 19th century garb and have pointy teeth. No one is ever bitten, and they can be killed with a regular gun. The alien ladies are also basically normal people. The little girl is a little weird, but then she basically has two lines which she repeats over and over again in exactly the same tone of voice: "Allez maman! Allez maman! Allez maman!"--ARRGGH! You would probably like this movie if you're into the X Files, but if you like campy exploitation/B movies, look elsewhere for entertainment. The gore effects are minimal, the interesting ideas lack interesting content, and basically it seemed like the longest 80 minutes of my life. The opening credit sequence alone lasted for about fifteen minutes and seemed to list the name of every single person who worked on the movie, including "Second Assistant Camera Operator" or something, in the most excruciatingly slow manner possible. I'm convinced the director stretched out all the slow-mo and long, still shots he could just to make the movie feature-length. I may watch the DVD extra "Jon Sorenson: Man of Mystery" just to find out...although putting an extra on your own DVD about how you're a "man of mystery" seems totally ridiculous!All in all, this movie is a waste of time aside from a bunch of pretty shots. I plan to sell my copy and get it out of the house as soon as possible!