Seven (1979)

It's an amazing and heartbreaking story.

It is both painfully honest and laugh-out-loud funny at the same time.

This film is so real. It treats its characters with so much care and sensitivity.

Story: It's very simple but honestly that is fine.

Government agent Drew Savano (legendary tough guy William Smith in peak rugged form) gets assigned to take out seven criminal kingpins who plan on taking over Hawaii's crime racket. Savano rounds up a team of top operatives to kills all these baddies before it's too late. Director Andy Sidaris keeps the enjoyable story moving along at a quick pace, makes nice use of various breathtaking sunny Hawaiian locations, maintains a fairly gritty and serious tone throughout, adds a few inspired wacky touches (for example, there's a crossbow-wielding goon on a skateboard), stages a bunch of exciting and explosive last reel action with skill and flair, and presents a bevy of beautiful babes in bikinis or less (of course). The fine cast of familiar faces helps a lot: Barbara Leigh as the sultry Alexa, Guich Koock as jolly redneck Cowboy, Christopher Joy as the easygoing T.K., Art Metrano as wisecracking smartaleck Kincella, ace martial artist Ed Parker as himself, Martin Kove as lethal henchman Skip, Lenny Montana as fearsome head honcho the Kahuna, Reggie Nalder as mean loan shark the Hermit, and Terry Kiser as a wishy-washy senator. Foxy blonde Playboy Playmate Susan Kiger provides a tasty eyeful in a variety of skimpy outfits (and bares her lovely breasts a few times as well!). Quito's bright cinematography gives this picture a pleasing slick and sparkling look. The funky-throbbing score hits the get-down groovy spot. A fun B-grade flick.

"Seven" is less polished than Andy Sidaris' later girls-with-guns movies from 1985 to 1998, but it has some of his trademarks: exotic locales, topless women, helicopters, and things/people blowing up. It's disjointedly scripted and crudely directed (with more than one guest appearance by the boom mike), but if you survive the unexciting first hour, the remaining 30 minutes do have some action - and some Peckinpah-style bloodletting. ** out of 4.

This has a partial "Spoiler", or several in a way, since it's about a whole movie SERIES (at least, in a loose sense of the word). This might be the only adventure film ever to have, of all things, a villainous hula dancer (played by the belly dancer Little Egypt - the later one of that name, not the turn-of-the-century one, of course - I don't know why she isn't in the listings here). As for the famous "Indiana Jones" scene being inspired by this movie, there's only one problem convincing people of that - almost everyone believes that "little" movies steal from "big" ones, but try making people believe that the OPPOSITE thing happens. There's one complaint I have about these Andy Sidaris movies, at least, the handful I've seen. Each one has a pretty entertaining "villainess" (like the one I just mentioned), along with the male villains. But each one ends with a sort of showdown between her and the "heroine" (or one of the heroines), as opposed to any other kind of end for her. (I've noticed this in many other action stories too.) And since it happens very quickly, with guns or explosives, it doesn't seem to be an excuse for a "girl fight" kind of scene (at least, not the hand-to-hand kind). Instead (if I'm not exaggerating), it seems to be some kind of overworked "feminist" message - the EVIL woman has to be stopped by the GOOD one, that kind of thing. I don't know if that's really the reason, and I know there's a place for that kind of scene in adventure stories, but it does seem to be overdone. Anyway, that part of the ending is the most predictable part of these Sidaris movies, more so than the "gratuitous" sex, and more so than OTHER kinds of violence. To me, at least.

This was Andy Sidaris' second film, and it follows the formula for all the ones that followed: spectacular scenery, even more spectacular women in various and frequent stages of nudity, good action scenes, goofy humor. The plot is about seven mobsters who get together and decide to take over Hawaii, and the government agent assigned to stop them. It's good to see big William Smith playing a good guy, and he seems to be enjoying himself (there's one scene, apparently unscripted but which Sidaris left in, where Smith is sitting, clothed, in a shower room and a gorgeous naked woman appears out of nowhere, sits down next to him and stares at him; Smith obviously wasn't expecting it and bursts out laughing, then looks offstage and shakes his head, as if to say, "Okay, you got me"). The cast is stocked with veteran character actors--Nick Georgiade, Art Metrano, Reggie Nalder--and everyone seems to be having a good time. So will you. It's a fun movie to watch. Pick it up if you can.