River of Darkness (2011)

Did you people see the same film I saw?

Am I Missing Something?

While it doesn't offer any answers, it both thrills and makes you think.

It's easily one of the freshest, sharpest and most enjoyable films of this year.

OK i am a huge film fanatic and have seen many horrible movies and still forced myself to try and enjoy it and find good points. i am also a major wrestling fan have been for 12 years which is the reason i decided to watch this film. Please anyone that is reading this before watching the film DO NOT WATCH IT! it is awful in every way. acting is the worst i have ever seen from everyone involved. the film work is filmed like a old horror movie and even if you take that into consideration the film work is still completely terrible. i got 30 minutes through ( how i don't know) and i had to turn it off which is something i can never recall doing. ( as i said i always try to find good points.) Now moving onto the wrestlers. Kurt angle has disgraced himself and all wrestlers turned actors in this film. i actually felt sorry for him that he did this movie. Knash and Sid Vicous is where i turned it off after finally seeing them i realised there is just no chance this movie is getting better and they obviously did it for the money (which i hope wasn't much as they don't deserve it from this performance)this is certainly the worst film i have seen 100% and if i find one worse i might start making movies myself if one worse than this can get produced onto DVD.

I had low expectations going into watching this film as I saw it only to see how the professional wrestlers (Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash, Sid Vicious) did on the screen. I hoped for at least mildly entertaining in that bad horror movie way since the slasher/horror genre is just about the hardest to make truly bad. I was soon proved wrong as this is one of the worst movies I have EVER seen.Sure enough, all three wrestlers were bad. Kurt Angle seemed to wear the same facial expression throughout the movie. Either he or the director thought it was some sort of deep thought look but I found it to be more of a "why am I here? what am I doing?" look. Nash and Vicious were even worse as they played zombie killers who basically had to emulate Jason and failed miserably. They looked more like animatronic monsters from a failed Disney ride than professional wrestlers who have plenty of experience with fake violence.To be honest though, I can't blame the wrestlers for their bad acting as everyone else in the move was equally bad. Given the overall crappiness of the movie, I have to place most of the blame on writer/director Bruce Koehler. The plot is the typical slasher/horror plot of three people wrongfully killed by a lynch mob who come back 30 years later as zombies to get their revenge. Not the most original story but one that has worked for others into at least a semi- entertaining movie. Sadly, Bruce's script has the worst dialogue, horrible pacing, and too many plot problems. Seriously, if that is how he thinks police investigate a serial killer then thank God he isn't involved in law enforcement or no criminal would ever get caught. Dear Bruce, please watch a few episodes of CSI and Law & Order next time you want to write about cops.Bruce can add horrible directing to his horrible writing credit as it appears he was happy with the first take on every scene. The movie also featured some of the worst production values I've ever scene in all their high def glory. The whole movie looked like it was shot under far too bright fluorescent lights. The slasher kill scenes were unimaginative and featured some of the worst, most obviously fake blood ever scene in a slasher flick. I suspect that much of the 3 million plus reported budget went to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain of the cast and crew because it sure didn't go into the special effects or stunts.Bottom line: if you are a wrestling fan wanting to see your heroes in a movie, skip this one and go re-watch a Steve Austin, John Cena, or Rock film; they aren't great but at least they aren't awful either. If you aren't a wrestling fan you should just run away at the mere mention of the movie.

This movie was so bad that I even thought about turning it off. It was boring and painful to watch. The script was terrible and I think the actors knew this because their acting was not any better. Please do not watch this movie and this is from someone who loves B-movies but not even I could see any entertainment in it. If we scrape a little on the surface it seems like the script was made for a much shorter movie as they had to fill it with meaningless junk like the movie characters having to repeat almost everything that another character was saying. Ontop of all this there was no thrill, no thought through story and it didn't even have enough gore or blood to be classed as a splatter, which would've saved it.

oh..come on! seriously??? worst film ever... oh my god...i just cannot believe it! everything about the movie was terrible. At one point, I actually thought that it was a horror/comedy. But turns out that it's not. you've gotta be kidding me to actually call this a movie and release it. seriously. I would not even want to get paid to watch this movie another time. horrendous.Didn't the maker of this movie even watch this once, before he actually went on to release it? oh my god...seriously, this has got to be a joke or something.