Alien Express (2005)

Very well executed

A Masterpiece!

How wonderful it is to see this fine actress carry a film and carry it so beautifully.

If you're interested in the topic at hand, you should just watch it and judge yourself because the reviews have gone very biased by people that didn't even watch it and just hate (or love) the creator. I liked it, it was well written, narrated, and directed and it was about a topic that interests me.

We all know that special effects cost money, but it seems as if they could have used the money they saved writing the script to get some better shots. The train is obviously a model in most moving shots, the helicopter is obviously computer generated, the alien looks like the one from the end of Spaceballs, except it's a decade later and Spaceballs had an excuse.The only smart thing they did was blur all of the special effects to make them harder to see.Not even the actors could compensate for such a poorly written script and it's pretty obvious they didn't really try either.Please, don't waste your time. Please.

"Dead Rail" isn't the worst Sci-Fi Channel original film.**SPOILERS**Senator Frank Rawlings (Barry Corbin) is traveling on his new high-speed bullet train on his way to a campaign rally on his way to becoming president, but in the desert, a meteorite crashes near the train, stopping it long enough for Vic Holden, (Lou Diamond Phillips) a detective, to investigate the crash. Rawlings wants nothing to do with the crash, and orders his train to move, which it finally does. Convinced the accident is nothing to just throw away, Vic chases after the train and climbs on-board. When his suspicions were right, he discovers the train is infested with strange creatures from space that eat human flesh. Discovering this, he gets the Senator's Secret Service to help him in dealing with the deadly creatures. When all seems lost, he and his wife Rosie (Amy Locane) find out that the train is on a collision course with a gorge that has no support for it. Finding out that fire works best to destroy the creatures, Vic and Rosie decide to plunge the train into the gorge and get the passengers safely out of the way, but the creatures make it harder than they thought.The Good News: OK, I know all about the hate that this movie has generated, and while I agree to some extent, this isn't the worst movie Sci-Fi has shown. That was "Parasite" not this movie. This does have a few redeeming factors. Despite what most of you say, I think most of the special effects work for the film. It has the same kind of charm that the old monster movies have: a cheep-looking creature but nicely imagined that has its own personality. The creatures themselves are given a nice new "power," they can fly around at super-sonic speeds, making them nearly invisible. There is a small flash that follows them around, so you can tell where they were a few seconds earlier. There is a good amount of gore in the film, so this has a small redeeming factor for those fans. We see several bodies completely ripped up, lots of skin missing, a giant pool of blood around the body, as well as the interior being devoured. There is also some great looking dismemberment, a gaggle of scratches and rips, and even some blood splatter. This does fit the tradition of hardly-dry Sci-Fi films. The film is also fast-paced, as there is always something happening. What is happening may not be the most exciting or convincing thing ever put on celluloid, something is always on screen. Explosions galore, lots of blood, and some minor trappings of suspense filter through, and it does have some great action.The Bad News: Frankly, where to start. The effects, as mentioned above, could've been done more convincingly by a second-grader, the explosions are so cheaply made they cost more than the computer used to create them, and the dialog uttered by the "adults" in this film is so mind-nerving that a sledgehammer to the face might seem like a more tolerable activity are only a few things that frankly bugged the hell out of me. If you want more in depth reasons as to why this is, read the other comments on here. They cover it in much better detail and more accurately than I ever could.The Final Verdict: With juvenile effects, laughable dialog, and a pathetic creature, I know it's shocking that I had some good things to say about it. The only people I can really recommend this too are those that perform their own "Mystery Science Theater 3000" on the movies they watch or those that loved the 60's monster films and miss the charm in the creatures from then. Otherwise, stay away; that isn't an option.Rated R: Graphic Violence and some Language.

It is way beyond me how this script was ever sold much less produced and distributed. The dialogue was so bad it was sickening. The train and helicopter scenes appeared to have been done on flash cards by high school students. Lou Diamond Phillips must have hidden under his seat when this --- this "movie"? was shown at a private screening afterwhich he most likely left by the back door. The only emotion it aroused in me was pity for the cast, they had to "bite the bullet" to get through this one. I couldn't stand to watch all of it, it was so predictable that it was funny. Who knows maybe it will be picked up by one of the networks as a situation comedy.

Alien Express is one of the worst movies I've bothered to experience.The plot is predictable. The aliens look like rubber sock puppets. The effects would have been mediocre in the 70's, but are just atrocious by today's standards. Couldn't they take a shot of a real train instead of using an obvious model?The acting isn't great but, really, the dialogue is the worst part. It gouges its way into your mind. "Don't you die on me. Not now." If you ever manage to suspend disbelief long enough to be absorbed into the movie, you'll rapidly be jolted painfully back to reality by the aliens, the model train, or the clichéd dialogue.The only reason I didn't give this movie a "1" is that it doesn't deserve to be rated so badly that some poor suckers might watch it for the pleasure inherent in a truly bad film.