Night Train to Venice (1996)

Simple and well acted, it has tension enough to knot the stomach.

Instead, you get a movie that's enjoyable enough, but leaves you feeling like it could have been much, much more.

The movie's neither hopeful in contrived ways, nor hopeless in different contrived ways. Somehow it manages to be wonderful

One of the most extraordinary films you will see this year. Take that as you want.

0.5/10Back in the early 2000s I had saved my paper round money to purchase a DVD player with a surround sound system. When I opened the box I saw it came with a few free DVDs which certainly wasn't the norm. One of these films was Train to Hell (1996). From the title of the film and the picture of a big star actor (Grant) on the front I foolishly decided this was worth a watch.Terrible. Just absolutely awful. Words cannot describe how disappointing this film is. I sat through the entire film, start to finish!Even now, nearly 15 years later it still stands out vividly in my memory as the single worst film I've ever seen. The script was bizarre, the dialogue was all over the place, the camera work was often shaky and scenes with mistakes in the delivery and points where Grant mistakenly and nervously peeks into the camera lens were left in the final edit. It was clear from the look in Hugh Grant's eyes that he was uncomfortable with the direction during filming, at certain points he genuinely looks like he is going to be sick with anxiety.I think I burned the DVD after watching it, only to crave it again years later after discussing awful films with friends at uni. I felt I had to watch it again to make sure it wasn't just a dream (nightmare). I never managed to get a hold of another copy.I imagine if I was a lecturer on a cinema course I would make a point of showing all my students this film. It is basically a step by step guide of how to make a genuinely laugh out loud terrible film. I cannot fathom how people were paid to make this. I actually believe I could make a better film myself with a smartphone and a couple of friends; and that is saying something!If you're a film student, this is a must see......

Not aware of this movie until I noticed it in my local video rental outlet more than a decade ago. Upon finding it and reading the box, I thought I was about to discover a hidden cult treasure and, in accord with the title and quality cast, that I was going to be treated to a dangerous thrill-ride of adventure across a darkened Europe-scape; fast, edge-of-seat action and suspense. However, 'twas not to be. Waited patiently for some-odd 20 minutes or so for a situation to emerge that could be perceived as literal plot development (a crucial thread for this style of movie) and thus capture and maintain my interest for the duration of the film but alas, all that had come in this time was just a bunch of half-baked, confused, nasty, disjointed drivel. What a disappointment.

This had real possibilities, but seems to have blown them with confusing writing and direction. I have to agree almost completely with the comment "night train to confusion and boredom." I would give it maybe just a little more credit than that, because it's loaded with fine acting by Hugh Grant, Malcolm McDowell (a favorite of mine since "A Clockwork Orange") and others, and it has some marvelous sets and costumes. One clue I take from watching this and "The Orient Express" is NEVER ride on "The Orient Express." It's way too dangerous and spooky. Actually, I'm sure that portions of a real trip across Europe on the refurbished train would be quite delightful, but as horror goes--take a hint; don't run upstairs, run away from the monsters, and don't take the Orient Express. All those typical mistakes and more can be found in virtually every mediocre horror flick. You'd think they'd learn; or better still write some horror that's not so damned obvious.

I first saw 'train to hell' in France in 2004. It was in one of those 3-in-1 compilations - a sure sign of its poor quality. Its excellence, however, is belied by surely the most unrepresentatively titled film ever. Train to hell. No. train to Venice. Yes.I expected it to be a dark nightmarish train journey, culminating in some sort of death. However, the train appeared quite pleasant, apart from the odd camp German skinhead neo-Nazi stereotypes and Malcolm Macdowell, whose silence is enough to turn any milk sour with fear. Truly a spectacular start. It gets better.Martin Gemmel gets Amnesia, but his constant questions 'who am I? Who is Martin Gemmel?' should surely be replaced with 'What is this film? Is there a plot?' If he had asked these, I'm sure he would have never recovered. Just as you think, 55 minutes in, that the film is about to go somewhere, it ends. Malcom Macdowell, looking ominous, stares for five minutes, then Hugh Grant runs over to save a child from a high fall. Cut to some Venice Tourist Board shots of Venice by Helicopter, and Bam! the film ends. Just over an hour, containing at least 20 minutes of needless footage of Venice and trains, this film has everything a film should: gratuitous sex, violence, explosions, a high profile actor (Macdowell), a rising star (Grant), Nazis, Slow motion, psychoanalytical 'barn' shots.Everyone should watch this film. It is amazing.