Monster High (1989)

Far from Perfect, Far from Terrible

disgusting, overrated, pointless

Boring, long, and too preachy.

I gave this film a 9 out of 10, because it was exactly what I expected it to be.

Two bald aliens arrive on Earth with the Doomsday Device, something they have stolen from their own alien planet, much to the behest of the Monster-in-Charge. They unwittingly unleash Mr. Armageddon (David Marriott) upon an all-American high school, and soon this long- fingernailed-bringer-of-doom is busy a-rapin', a-killin', and basically a-f****n' with every kid in the school. Dorky loner Norm (Dean Iandoli) is too busy lusting after foreign exchange student Candice Cane (get it - played by Diana Frank) to notice the arrival of horny gargoyle statues, the living dead, and deadly giant marijuana plants. But when he does, he strikes a deal with Armageddon to have basketball game to end all games, and possibly the world.I'm sure you can gather from the description that this isn't a film to take too seriously. It's a very 80's high school horror/sex flick that is very aware of what it's target audience wants - blood, tits, and goofy humour. And it delivers all that in abundance. It has everything a shlock hound could want. Where else can you find a monster with a computer for a head? Or a teen that gets eaten by his shoes? Or alien twins that were failed rappers on their own planet? Probably nowhere. This is of course an awful film. But where it lacks in subtlety and intelligence, it makes up for in sheer volume and creativity.The edits come thick and fast. The film cuts back and forth between different characters and locations as if it were filmed by a giddy teenager. This approach certainly keeps the film fun and interesting, which is undoubtedly the sole aim of the film. Fans of Troma will love it, as will fans of 80's teen sex flicks such as Porky's and zero-taste gross-out comedies a la Animal House. Special mention must go to the creation of Mr. Armageddon, who dons a crap cape and a long pinky fingernail, and has a voice which is deeper than Barry White. Clearly actor David Marriott, who had a short career starring in B-movie action films, is having a great time, as did I watching him. I feel guilty that I liked this film, as it is indeed awful.

Wow. Just... wow. If you are into schlocky horror films, then this is just beyond words. Everything you ever wanted is here: Killer shoes, zombies, strange directing (some characters open up an elevator door and some girl is getting killed as a strobe light blinks and someone sits on a pie or something -- what?!), and plenty of t&a. Oh, and don't forget Satan. And a guy whose voice is overdubbed to sound really evil. And really, REALLY cheap FX. And computers who kill people. And rapping aliens. And amazingness.I mean, the plot of this movie is simple: Earth is about to be taken over, so people play basketball to decide the fate of the world. If this DOESN'T sound amazing, then this isn't the film for you. However, this film is AMAZINGLY entertaining, hilarious, and just completely over-the-top. In a lot of ways, it's similar to Troma films (especially Class of Nuke'Em High) except it is even more clever, and there actually seems to be an attempt on the director's part to make something more out of this film than a cheap B-movie.I really don't know why more people don't know of this film since it used to be on USA's Up All Night, but you can easily snag a copy off of Amazon for a dollar. Really, I can't say it enough: The best trashy B-Movie horror/comedy/whatever film ever. See it now.10/10.

I have seen a lot of bad films, but I tend to find some points of amusement or enjoyment in most of them. However, this is not the case with this movie. While some films can get away with virtually no plot, this film cannot. In addition, the monsters were ridiculous, the jokes were awful, and the basketball scenes were the worst I have ever seen. Simply a terrible film.

I found this movie very amusing, it's use of off-beat and cheesy humor is absolutely wonderful! I thought the abstract storyline was very well put together, and is not your typical 80's high school movie. It has all things that make a great movie, blood and gore (check out the excellent microwave scene!), nudity, campy humor, and it even has a killer pot plant! I highly recommend this movie to anyone. If you ever see it in your local video store, check it out, it rocks!