Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels (1999)

Good concept, poorly executed.

A lot of fun.

I really wanted to like this movie. I feel terribly cynical trashing it, and that's why I'm giving it a middling 5. Actually, I'm giving it a 5 because there were some superb performances.

While it doesn't offer any answers, it both thrills and makes you think.

My only requirement is production value. I'm just not down with 7th grade video projects for the camera club. That brings us to this. This is just friggen pathetic. FIN

HOT WAX ZOMBIES ON WHEELS is your usual example of a middling, nonsensical Z-grade movie hiding beneath an amusingly exploitative title. Having just watched it, I still have no idea what is meant by a 'hot wax zombie'; this film's about a biker gang and a beauty salon and there's nary a zombie in sight. It's a film packed with crude humour and wooden acting, set in a small town seemingly populated by blonde bimbos and dumb guys. The film has quite extensive nudity but the version showing on Amazon Prime censors all of it with some crude emojis that certainly didn't exist when this film was released in 1999.

You think full body waxing is painful? Then try suffering through this inane travesty, which HAS to be one of the most irritating and incompetently made horror comedies I have ever had the misfortune of suffering through.Sharon (Jill Miller), a lingerie saleslady and city council member, and Sven (Tre Lovell), a barber and her best friend, team up to stop `Chez Yvonne,' a beauty salon which specializes in the removal of body hair. Using a specially formulated wax treatment, innocent customers are turned into lusty living dead minions who chant `no more pesky body hair' over and over again and have insatiable sex drives. The evil lady in charge, Yvonne Wayne (soft porn actress Gwen Somers in a blonde wig), is a cackling, caped, motorcycle-riding dominatrix who moves from city to city turning folks into `zombies' (the filmmakers didn't bother with any make-up or special effects). Unmercifully overacted by the entire talent-barren cast, the director (who apparently does not understand the meaning of scene continuity) stoops to using speeded-up film, `comical' sound effects (`boing!,' kazoo, flatulence, etc.) and T&A provided by women who look like they've been around the block (a few thousand times) in an attempt to entertain his audience. He fails miserably. Interjected mid-scene, for no apparent reason other than to pad out the running time, are flashes of the moon or boats or lightning or even military stock footage. I honestly had to stop this video four times and take a breather before I could finish it. Let's hope we never have to hear from director Mike J. Roush or scripter Elizabeth S.J. Bergholz ever again, but after this, it is doubtful we will.Score: 1 out of 10

Lots of amateurs behind and in front of the camera for this grade-z home movie, but not one of them is able to bring anything of value to this schlock. There's not a single joke that works. Oh well, the DVD makes an interesting drink coaster.