Beastly Boyz (2006)

This Movie Can Only Be Described With One Word.

Good idea lost in the noise

Expected more

There is, somehow, an interesting story here, as well as some good acting. There are also some good scenes

Sadly, from time to time certain people emerge who are so completely devoid of talent...a metaphorical untalented black-hole if you will, that sucks any/all semblance of talent from anyone and everyone who participates in their endeavors, to the extent that even someone as great as Sir Lawrence Olivier would be unable to withstand the suction. David DeCoteau would epitomize this phenomenon. Watching what amounts to an extended Abercrombie and Fitch ad, it would seem the basic plot here is athletic men undress and shower in slow motion, with an increasing emphasis on camera-zooms to their torsos (but don't worry...even though this is obviously gay-themed, there is absolutely NO nudity of any sort to worry about). The music crescendos during the shower scenes seem to provoke several emotional reactions from the viewer; "Wait! Is he going to use a conditioner? Oh, no! There's no luffa sponge in sight!" Just a mess. Don't bother.

Beware: Spoilers.I've always enjoyed David DeCoteau's films. They have an appealing formula that turns on a superficial and vaguely supernatural plot usually involving a group of guys, one of whom is innocent and nice and gets seduced (or nearly so) into evil by another guy. (Of course, all the guys are young and ripped.) There's usually a girl or two, and inevitably she gets involved in some kind of elaborate quasi-orgy scene with the innocent guy, the evil guy, and his flunkies. (During this scene the flunkies help the good guy undress and then watch him make out with the girl while they watch and touch themselves.) Sometimes shots are replayed in slow or fast motion. David DeC claims that he makes his films for girls and keeps everything suggestive, even the violence, for a teen audience.This time around, a guy's twin sister has been brutally murdered and he avenges her death. We don't know why she's killed. There's almost no dialogue. The main character works out and rubs a knife on his body. Then he magically finds each of the killers, spends a long time looking at them and sometimes rubbing the knife on them, then kills them. We never really see any stabbing, but we do get to see long, long sequences where he runs the knife over the other guys' bodies. (The one I'm watching now feels like it's been on for 10 minutes.) Did I mention there's hardly any dialogue? The whole film kind of reminds me of Derek Jarman's The Angelic Conversation. Kind of a more commodified version. Worth a look or two.

5 minutes of running through the woods + 5 minutes of sitting in front of a bunch of candles in your skivvies + 10 minutes of the camera panning up and down the toned, scantily clothed bodies of young guys + 50 minutes of a dude in his undies running a large knife up and down the bodies of the same scantily clad young guys = Beastly Boys! No script, absolutely no acting talent required! Apparently the only thing that matters is that your bum look great in a pair of boxer briefs! Can I please have back the 75 minutes (well, actually more like 15 minutes - my finger was on the fast forward most of the time) I just wasted viewing this piece of trash?

David Decoteau seems to have earned, rightly so, a reputation as the Roger Corman of gay horror schlock, having produced a dozen such movies in the past four years. He uses an interchangeable cast of nobodies who probably just came off of a modeling shoot or out of the nearest twink bar, and has an Uwe Boll-like proclivity for reusing the same sets and locations over and over, probably because it's cheap to film there. Beastly Boyz takes a slightly different tack from most of his movies, because the script is about as long as the Preamble to the Constitution. Instead of silly things like plot and dialog, we get treated to extended scenes of the main character rubbing a knife up and down the bodies of lithe young men. These sequences literally last for several minutes at a time. The movie is 74 minutes long, but it feels much longer, just because it doesn't ever bother to *do* anything. If you have a fetish for knife play, then this is the movie for you, but I don't think anyone else needs to see this.