The Undertaker (1988)

Some things I liked some I did not.

Really Surprised!

How sad is this?

The movie is wonderful and true, an act of love in all its contradictions and complexity

Like I'm sure it's the case for every single other reviewer around here, my sole reason for watching "The Undertaker" was because it stars the great (and late) Joe Spinell in a role very similar to the one he played in the legendary gore classic "Maniac" (1980). Joe Spinell may have appeared in several acclaimed A-listed cinematic landmarks, like "The Godfather", "Rocky" or Taxi Driver", but he'll always be most remembered for his role as the perverted, mother-obsessed psychopath Frank Zito. Presumably he was desperate to add another notorious horror role to his repertoire, as he allegedly lobbied intensively to be cast in the titular role, but it didn't quite work out as he hoped. By now "The Undertaker" is a forgotten horror movie from the 80s, and rightfully so because it's really boring, slow-paced and badly acted. Apart from being the local undertaker, Roscoe is also a deranged and megalomaniac killer who keeps the embalmed bodies of his victims hanging around in the basement like there's some kind of everlasting tea party going on! Roscoe and his murder patterns aren't exactly discrete or carefully planned, so there are many people that grow suspicious and attempt to stop him (subsequently his own nephew, a high-school teacher, a sleazy cinema owner and a couple of police officers) but they stupidly get themselves caught or killed as well. It's truly incomprehensible that "The Undertaker" is such a disappointment, as it basically contains all the necessary ingredients for success: a simple but effective plot, a very high body count, some gore, gratuitous nudity and a creep in the lead role! However, the whole film gets ruined due to slow-pacing, too many pointless boring scenes and an endless amount of inaudibly muttered dialogues/monologues. Not recommended, unless you feel the uncontrollable urge to track down and watch literally every 80s horror slasher ever made (which I'd understand if that's the case, by the way).

Deranged mortician Uncle Roscoe (the singular Joe Spinell in peak creepy, slimy, and sweaty form) murders folks in a sleepy small town as a means of keeping his business afloat and stores their mangled bodies as gruesome souvenirs in the basement of his funeral home.Director Frank Steffanino, who's actually a pseudonym for no less than four different people (!), and screenwriter William Kennedy really go out of their way to scrupulously cover the sleazy exploitation cinema bases: We've got a pleasing plethora of leering gratuitous female nudity, an unsparingly sordid tone, cheesy gore, and a warped subtext about necrophilia for that extra icky kick. With the notable exception of Spinell, the rest of the lame no-name cast all give laughably atrocious performances, with Martha Somoeman in particular copping the grand thespic booby prize with her supremely irritating portrayal of shrewish old bat Hazel. The plodding pace, meandering narrative, and ludicrous surprise shock ending further enhance this film's considerable cruddy charm. A total trashy hoot.

"Welcome to my parlor, said the spider to the fly".Deadingly dull slasher movie with Joe Spinell as a deranged coroner who likes to murder certain girls who fit a profile which attract his psycho-sexual sensibilities. On goes the white gloves and suit, Spinell, always the heavy breather, sweating away, knife drawn to gut the ladies he greets from behind, became typecast as a lunatic, never to escape the role he made famous in "Maniac". I imagine "The Undertaker" will be of definite interest to Spinell fans as he talks to dead people and lurks in the darkness, peeping on future victims. In between stalk and slash scenes, the pace languishes, not to mention Spinell looks to be in really bad health, slurring his lines as if either drunk or sick. Spinell's "Uncle" Roscoe sets his sights on his nephew Nicky's(Patrick Askin) anthropology teacher who teaches of necrophilia to her students..Nicky uncovers secrets regarding his uncle and wishes to tell somebody. When Nicky sees that Mrs. Hayes(Rebeca Yaron) understands a thing or two about Roscoe's "extra curricular activities", he unwittingly puts her in danger of being another female target. For those hoping Spinell would go off the depend, he does in grand fashion, eyes bulging with madness, all intense giggles, mouth salivating as his squirming victims struggle as life slips away, often gurgling on their own blood after a nasty throat slicing. There were a few other directors who attempted to ape Lustig's success with Spinell, but were simply not able to because Tom Savini was a vital part of why "Maniac" left a lasting impact. "The Undertaker" is a badly assembled mess, shot on the cheap in a few rooms and a couple of houses, with only Spinel's name recognition salvaging it. The sound and picture quality are dire. The final screenshot/fade-to-black is a pathetic attempt to model the fantastic close of "Maniac". Spinell wields a mean machete which impales and severs victims. Yaron's Mrs. Hayes and her best friend/roommate Mandy(Susan Bachli)both have sex/nudity scenes which might be of interest to slasher fans hoping for gratuitous elements besides some modest ultra-violent bits here and there. There's one impossibly long/tedious sequence where Mandy investigates Roscoe's lair which loses any suspense the director might've intended because he drags it on forever and ever.

The Undertaker is not very well known to say the least; and I really can't say I'm surprised about that as the film is rather silly and lacklustre. In fact, if it wasn't for the fact that this is one of the last films of cult star Joe Spinell, I highly doubt that anyone would remember it at all. As you would expect from a low budget trash film such as this; the plot is not particularly inventive and the writing is even worse. The film starts off with a rather amusing scene that features an attempted rape by a motorcyclist, and it really sums up what you're going to see nicely as the victim must rank as one of the slowest-witted of all time! The plot focuses on an undertaker named Roscoe. He's a sick man and has decided to take his job into his own hands and has begun killing people himself. He slices up his victims and keeps them as his 'friends' inside the funeral home he lives in. Naturally, it's not long before the police find out what's happening and begin to investigate.Joe Spinell is best known for his role in 1980's Maniac; but anyone hoping for anything like as good as that is liable to be sorely disappointed. This film does feature a handful of murders; but none of them are particularly violent or bloody and mostly we just get to see the killer and his dead victim after the event. I don't know if this was an attempt at 'less is more' or (more likely) the budget constraints meant no gore could be afforded; but either way it's disappointing. As the film is very hard to track down, the copy that I saw was less than great and looks like someone spread Vaseline all over the film stock; but even so it's obvious that the film has a trashy look about it anyway. This does lend itself well to the plot, which is also trashy, but still the film is not very nice to look at. The Undertaker runs for ninety minutes, and even though that's an average running time for films like this; it still feels overlong. The ending is serviceable, but not really worth the wait. Overall, I can't say that this film is worth tracking down, even for hardcore Spinell fans.