Rock Monster (2008)

recommended

A Major Disappointment

Fanciful, disturbing, and wildly original, it announces the arrival of a fresh, bold voice in American cinema.

True to its essence, the characters remain on the same line and manage to entertain the viewer, each highlighting their own distinctive qualities or touches.

... if you only have one TV channel available and are tired of crying from boredom.A guy pulls an Excalibur stunt with a sword, stumbles into a backwards village, finds a hottie and ridiculousness ensues. I kept watching in hopes of finding redemption in *something*....*anything*... But the only part of the movie I enjoyed was the credits (Because that's what gave me the hot co-star's name so I could Google her and see if she has any other movies she may have been more "exposed" in.) While this production may have been recently created, it was certainly founded in the old-school style of where the bad guy lays out his plans in an extended speech to the reluctant, possibly mentally challenged movie hero.I never honestly expected quality movies on the SyFy channel and I can certainly say they did not let me down on this one.I would've given this movie a 1, but Natalie Denise Sperl adds "1" to the entire movie.

Young Chad Collins and his college buds are off in the Balkans, presumably Bulgaria which is where Rock Monster was filmed to check out a piece of real estate that he inherited. Chad finds a sword deeply embedded in a rock, his friends try to pull it out, but all they pull is muscles. Chad however like young King Arthur pulls it from the stone.When the group arrives at the local town, the natives aren't exactly open and welcoming, but they become downright unfriendly when they catch sight of the sword. King Arthur never got greeted like this, but David Figlioli one of the crowd offers to get them out of town and at least to Chad's new property.Figlioli is one of those characters who you know from the beginning is going to be one sinister dude. That he is, in fact he's set this whole thing up. Chad pulling the sword from the stone was like someone removing a stake from Dracula's corpse. An ancient wizard that Figlioli is descended from is that Rock Monster and a guy made of stone is hard to kill.Even all kinds of modern weaponry that retired Red Army officer Jon Polito supplies only slows the thing down a bit. It feasts on blood and that town is a banquet.You've got to love films like this where actors like Figlioli and Polito get to ham it up outrageously. Even Alicia Lagano one of Collins's friends gets her cut of the pig with her tank girl impersonation. Rock Monster is kind of silly all around, but the cast knows it and is not taking it all too seriously.

The best thing about this movie is getting to see John Polito, who you will instantly recognize because he has been in almost every movie and television series ever made, ham it up as The Colonel. No, they couldn't even bother to give him a name. In an otherwise forgettable film, Ron rocks. He gets drunk. He leads the citizens to fight the rock monster not once, but twice (but has his flask handy all the time). He cheers when the hero, Jason (Chad Collins) defeats the rock monster not once, but twice. Yeah! If you can't tell already, I just loved watching John in this movie. Never mind that he is Italian, but is playing an Eastern Euro (I think!). Never mind that his lines are lame, for the most part. John is on fire! As far as the movie is concerned, the monster looks good, special effects-wise. But, for some reason, the rock monster isn't really scary at all. The Sword In The Stone plot is a retread. You have the wise cracking girl (Alicia Lagano as Toni), and the black guy who apparently has no function in the plot and gets killed early on, the sniveling mayor who gives a woman away in exchange for the village's safety (as if he had the right to do that in the first place), and the lame hero who, for some reason, has the stunningly beautiful Cassandra (Natalie Sperl) fall for him - all because he pulled a sword out of a stone! I suppose you could do worse, but make sure to check it out just to watch John rock!

I saw the premier of this, i orignially had high hopes for this film but after seeing it, I had different thoughts.There are some elements from other films that they put into this film, like my title, sword in the stone, could they have thought of anything else creative? I don't think so.Story was OK, acting was descent, it was so cheesy when Jason said "You'll go no further" classic line. I did'nt like the fact that the one Arician American person went away immediately, i think that they should of kept him until the end of the film.I did'nt really like this film very much, kinda cheesy for me, hopefully they will have a better one than this.