Shark Attack in the Mediterranean (2004)

Please don't spend money on this.

Good concept, poorly executed.

The best films of this genre always show a path and provide a takeaway for being a better person.

After playing with our expectations, this turns out to be a very different sort of film.

"Hai-Alarm auf Mallorca", also known as "Shark Alarm", "SOS Mallorca", "Blue Savage" and "Megalodon", is a German television movie from 2004, so this one will soon have its 15th anniversary. The director is Greek German filmmaker Jorgo Papavassiliou and if you take a look at the quality of some of his other works, then this is not a good sign. But what is even more shocking is that no less than four writers worked on this mess of a script. And at 110 minutes, i.e. closer to the 2-hour-mark than to the 1.5-hour-mark, this is not a film that flies by at all. This is probably the closest Germany has to the successful Sharknado trash franchise, but it's really not that similar. There is only one shark in here, albeit a very big one, and we almost never see him. The main character is played by the colossal (in terms of muscles) Ralf Moeller and as he really is on par with everybody else from the cast here, that says a lot about the actors' quality or lack thereof. The line delivery is painfully wooden and stale at times. Cameos by Ottfried Fischer and Jeanette Biedermann (the German Britney) were expectedly unfunny and uncreative. And the inclusions of Spengemann, Liebich, maybe Hanselmann and Karrenbauer too make clear that range was not what they were going for here. Admittedly the way the characters were written, not even far more talented actors could have made it work. The attention to detail is really shoddy too. Are we really supposed to believe that Bloéb was physically strong enough to be equal with Moeller for a while during their brawl at the end? Or their relationship was the strangest thing ever anyway. They fight for death and life, one tries to kill the other on the road, but hey who cares they are still close and all and it was just because of the whole situation. No hard feelings etc. Ridiculous stuff. Nothing about this film felt realistic at all and this also includes the rushed-in father-daughter conflict or the blooming love story between the two main characters that admittedly did not suck as much as a lot of other parts here. Yes this film deserves to make it into the IMDb bottom 250 for sure. My suggestion is absolutely to skip it.

When a grieving widow (Moeller) discovers that a prehistoric shark – Megalodon – is responsible for the death of a swimmer, he suspects it might also be the same shark that killed his wife and two other divers several years earlier. Convincing newly appointed micro-biologist (Stinshoff) proves relatively easy, but she's oblivious to the grand scheme that has created the giant shark from living DNA recovered from a frozen specimen found in the Antarctic. Of all places to base a cutting edge cancer research facility, no doubt the idyllic Mediterranean tax haven of Mallorca would be the most sensible. At least that's what the makers of this film would have the audience believe.The over-used CGI shark is typically unrealistic and so out-of-proportion and scale that it scarcely conjures any excitement or thrills. Even the shark swarm in the first scene is disappointing, once again courtesy of the CGI effects that give every attack a video-game quality. This German production's English dubbing is some of the worst (and unintentionally hilarious) you'll come across – the sight of big Ralf running down the beach shouting "Shugalum, shugalum" (that's meant to be "shark alarm, shark alarm" in Bavarian accent) a dozen times will have you in stitches. At least the producers had the foresight to anticipate the drudgery to which this would ultimately amount, and incorporated some quirky humour to lighten up the tone. There's a number of genuine laughs (as opposed to the unintentional ones) throughout, one in particular paying homage to "The Terminator" which works well. The obese BBQ chef and his bevy of scantily clad accoutrements who lends Ralf a luxury car or two is also a comic highlight.But despite the eclectic editing, sometimes witty dialogue, postcards of Mallorca and stylish stunt-work (some great car maneuvers and helicopter acrobatics), there's little else to recommend this movie, which borrows heavily from several others of the ilk ("Deep Blue Sea" in particular), but achieves much less. Hanselmann's bikini-clad villainy is perhaps the most worthwhile aspect in this whole travesty; that or Ralf's physique, depending on your persuasion. Either way, it's not enough to entertain a second time.

RTL called this the TV Event of the year, nice Joke anyway.The Story about a mutated shark is boring, the action is silly and unrealistic and most of the actors are really bad. Where else can you see dumba**es like Carsten Sprengeman, Simone Hanselmann, Ralph Möller, Katy Karrenbauer and Jeanette Biedermann in ONE film? They aren't even able to match their one-liners.But what's really cool about that movie is the appearance by Ottfried Fischer: He's standing at a pool with maybe 20 Models in Bikinis. He grills there and talks about grilling and the GBA - German Barbecue Association. Whoever came up with this scene should get an award for it.Because of this great scene I rate this movie 2/10.

Flimsy story that works for teenagersWhere to begin, where to stop, in this 'Jaws' rip off made for TV?Rolf Moeller plays a tough former marine diver, living with his daughter all alone on the Spanish island Mallorca. A shark is roaming the waters, but not your ordinary shark. An ancient species supposedly extinct since 100.000 years. A couple of people die, till the secret of the sharks existent is revealed and Rolf could finish his personal vendetta, since this very shark had killed his wife three year back…Did you notice Rolf never took his shirt of in this flick? Great you hire 6'6' actor Moeller and have him act in a leather jacket on a summer vacation island. I don't expect Rolf to act, but pump it up man… The story is so flimsy its real hard not to laugh all the time through. Best part is Janet Biedermann, (German starlet) who appears out of nowhere so she can plug her singing career. SFX on the shark aren't too bad for TV, while the sharks teeth are simply laughable. RTL produced this mindless story and shoots huge ratings, that's how TV works – unfortunately