Hammer of the Gods (2009)

It's no definitive masterpiece but it's damn close.

An Exercise In Nonsense

There is just so much movie here. For some it may be too much. But in the same secretly sarcastic way most telemarketers say the phrase, the title of this one is particularly apt.

Not sure how, but this is easily one of the best movies all summer. Multiple levels of funny, never takes itself seriously, super colorful, and creative.

Now and again, a movie comes along that lowers the standard of all that has been before it, and challenges your reality of what sucks, and forever changes you for the worst. This is one of those movies.What else can I take from this movie that hasn't already been said?BORE: The Bummer of the Gods. He wasn't a god, he was a bore.BORE: The Dummer of the Gods. Who, like the rest of the cast, stand around talking.THIS YEARBORE: The Dummer of the Dogs. Whose enemies wear dog masks as unmoving as this movie.SEE! The the plastic werewolf masks they refrain from showing. Until you know it's too late.HEAR! Our heroes talking every minute. SMELL! This stinking dog.TASTEless!FEEL! Nothing.SENSEless!Watch! Your expectations lower beneath the underworld as all your sense is lost.

I admit I wasn't expecting much considering SyFy's usual standard, but not in a couple of months have I seen a movie of theirs this bad. For instance it looks cheap, with costumes more reminiscent of fancy dress and settings that suffer from a lack of authenticity. The camera work and editing all feels very slipshod, the lack of quality in the effects suggest that those involved were more concerned about quantity instead of the other way around and the swordplay is clumsy and almost cartoon-ish. The script is cheesy with none of the lines of dialogue ringing true, the direction is sluggish and never feels sure about what it wants and the story is unexciting and predictable. The acting is terrible with the lead especially uncharismatic, but they are not helped by the underdeveloped walking clichés that are the characters. All in all, I have seen a lot of bad SyFy movies, but Hammer of the Gods is down there as one of the worst. 0/10 Bethany Cox

Frankly, I don't know where to start with this one. This is not the beloved Thor of Marvel Comics but a Viking type who lands on an uncharted island with his crew. There, they encounter weird forest creatures while seeking a mythical hammer of power. Maybe Thor becomes the Thor I know by the end, but I couldn't get that far. Shot in Bulgaria or some similar dreary place, this TV movie is absolutely pathetic. The acting is as wooden as the boat Thor and his buddies sail on and one of the kids from Home Improvement plays Thor. He ain't Thor, however. Believe me. There's even a female warrior in the crew, which of course would have been impossible. She's there for the same reason a female warrior shows up in the abominable KING ARTHUR, both of which were pathetic attempts to play to female viewers. Skip this one if you value your sanity.

Wow, Bulgarians making movie about Vikings.Maybe next year Palestinians will make movie about discovery of America.Question is, why the hell is somebody doing this?For money?Well i cannot imagine anyone who is ready to buy that nonsense.Sci-fi channel is going to lost his viewers.This guy,who directed movie should going back to Sofia or so, and taking his chance to care of goats in the Bulgarian mountain.He experience lack of talent, absence of fantasy.Not the mention about actors.Dialoges are like "Oh Thor, did you dream?And what about, tell me buddy?i try to understand that in the time of crisis even movie producers are forced to save money but, please, pretty please, forget about Bulgaria and Romania.