Santa with Muscles (1996)

Wonderful character development!

The greatest movie ever made..!

True to its essence, the characters remain on the same line and manage to entertain the viewer, each highlighting their own distinctive qualities or touches.

I think this is a new genre that they're all sort of working their way through it and haven't got all the kinks worked out yet but it's a genre that works for me.

Santa with muscles is bad film but it is daft, unpretentious and strangely entertaining if watching around at Christmas. I was ill when I watched this and drugged up with flu meds which might explain why I have not given it a rock bottom rating.Hulk Hogan plays mean wealthy egoist health food tycoon Blake Thorne who ends up running from the cops after a awry paintball incident and hides out in a shopping mall while disguised as Santa. A head injury leaves him suffering from amnesia, an opportunistic elf convinces Blake that he is the real Santa. Blake starts doing good deeds and takes on a villain who wants to shut down an orphanage for some magic minerals.The film looks cheap, the story makes little sense such as why does no one recognise this rich tycoon acting as Santa but there is enough slapstick and bad puns to keep the little Hulksters happy.

You know that a movie is really bad when it makes you feel psychically ill. This for me was really the case with "Santa with Muscles". It's amazing how many bad Christmas/Santa Claus movies for kids are around. But this movie is even below the normal level of Santa Claus movies, that are made for kids.It's very obviously a movie that got aimed toward young children but just because it's a kids movie doesn't mean it can get away just with everything. But also on top of that; I really can't see how kids could ever enjoy watching this movie. It really isn't that entertaining or humorous to watch because of some serious bad writing. If I had seen this movie as kid it probably wouldn't had annoyed me as much as it did now but I probably would still had been bored out of my skull while watching it.I don't even know what this movie is supposed to be all about. It's such an huge mess to watch and it feels like the script got put together from a couple of other different Santa Claus scripts they had floating around somewhere in a dark corner. The movie too often doesn't make sense and it's a very inconsistent one to watch, since the story jumps all over the place and doesn't seem to know what it wants. What the story is also lacking is a good Christmas message in it. This movie has absolutely none and isn't even about the Christmas spirit at all. Who wants to watch a Santa Claus movie that isn't even somewhat remotely Christmas related.It always has been sort of a mystery as to why Hulk Hogan's acting career never took off. He had the right looks and charisma and was and still is incredibly popular and well known, all over the world, due to his wrestling career. And hey, if Dwayne Johnson and Arnold Schwarzenegger have a big acting career, with similar backgrounds, than why couldn't he? The answer is in movies like this. He made some bad choices with his picks for movies and the highlights of his acting career are cameos in some well known movies, in which he only spoofs himself. So Hulk Hogan doesn't impress much with this movie but so does nobody else in this. The movie made some weird casting choices, by making Steve Valentine and Ed Begley Jr. the main villains. When you have Hulk Hogan as your main hero, you need a strong and way more threatening villain opposing him, not two lab-geeks. It still gets points for having Clint Howard and a very young Mila Kunis in it though.What also puzzles me is if this is supposed to be a Christmas movie than why does this movie look all the time like it got shot in the middle of the summer? Couldn't they at least somewhat tried to fake it.To be honest, I don't think I'll ever put this movie on any of my worst movie lists but that is simply because I have seen so many bad movies, that are even in one way or another worse than this one. But of course that really doesn't make "Santa with Muscles" somewhat of a good or a remotely entertaining watch. Just avoid, it's not even watchable for its cult-value.3/10http://bobafett1138.blogspot.com/

What can really be said about a film like this?Well, let's start with a little background information about the leading man. Terry 'Hulk Hogan' Boella is the most selfish man in the wrestling business. He never put over anyone, he can't sell whatsoever and he tried to sabotage Bret Hart's career. He even disrespect Shawn Michaels - SHAWN FREAKING MICHAELS. The Heart-Break Kid! The Icon! The Showstoppa'! MR. WRESTLEMANIA!So when the Hulkster is tasked with playing an obnoxious, egotistical, vapid, sexually confused plutocrat it is by far the most convincing part of this abortion of a movie.He hires his buddy Ed Leslie to play an Asian doctor - correct, an EVIL Asian doctor. Ed Leslie, the man who couldn't get over playing a stripper/barber. Ed Leslie, the man who caused a terrorist scare when people mistook his COCAINE for anthrax. The fact that this man was in the wrestling business for so long is bad enough, but for the love of God and Scorsese, blacklist him from cinema!This movie is awful, truly awful in every way. You see, there's an orphanage and it's going to get blown up. And when the poor children need someone to rely on, who do they turn to? The cops? A responsible grown up? No, poor old steroid-addict Hulk Hogan. He rambles through the script like a diabetic monkey, delivering dialogue so hideous it would make Vince Price (God rest his soul) blanch.And then, at the end of the movie, this disturbed mental patient, makes a bunch of orphans live alone with him in his secluded mansion. Everything about this film is wrong, everything about this film should be buried in the Nevada desert alongside Jimmy Hoffa and those copies of the ET video game.Do not watch this movie. No, not even if you are told to do so by your Mother on her death bed. This is tripe of the highest order and will actually make you question your sexual orientation. At one part, Hogan begins wearing a fetish Santa suit complete with tight leather boots and an S&M belt. I wish I was making this up.Please, just let this film die a slow and painful death.

If ever there was a family holiday film that could kill the holiday spirit, this film is it. It makes "Jingle All the Way" and even "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" seem GOOD in comparison! And, if you ever meet anyone who hates Christmas, chances are that they saw this film! This movie is a cloying, annoying dud...the sort of contrived mess of a film that makes you want to tell Hollywood to STOP making holiday movies if this is the sort of crap they think the public could want! The film begins with Hulk Hogan playing some sort of combination rich guy, superhero, GI Joe wannabe and ninja. I am glad that his impressions of himself and his abilities are not in any way over-ambitious or egocentric! In a stupid freak accident, the Hulkster now thinks he's Santa and comes to the aid...I kid you not...of a home for orphans!! Folks, it just doesn't get any worse than this--or does it?! Well, in fact it does. You see, the evil man behind this is, naturally, Ed Begley, Jr. and I assume he wanted this property to build an electric car dealership. But, in a bizarre twist, it's to get a whole bunch of neon-like power crystals hidden in an underground vault! Say what?!?!? Begley's crew of evil villains look like the sort of baddies that might attack Barney the dinosaur. They are all really, really lame and are about as threatening as a mild case of dandruff. And, it's up to Hulk to kick some butt (wow, not a tough thing in this case), win the hearts of a whole bunch of cute moppets AND manage to make a family-friendly movie that involves lots of punching, kicking and other forms of violence! The film has absolutely nothing going for it other than Hogan's massive ego. The acting is crap, the script is crap, the action is crap and there is nothing...I repeat, NOTHING of any value to this steaming pile of....movie. What makes it worse is the 'surprise' twist concerning the villain and Hulk's childhood--which, oddly, neither seemed to remember! Sadly, anyone seeing this turkey of a film will not have the same thing occur--they'll never forget having wasted nearly an hour and a half on this snot-fest. This film easily deserves to be on IMDb's Bottom 100 list, as it's the worst vanity project I've seen in ages--and a family film which is too violent and stupid for kids and just about impossible for any adult to sit through without massive amounts of liquor.My favorite part of the film? Towards the end, one of the lame villains yells "It's gonna blow!!". He couldn't have been more right, though he probably should have said this at the beginning in order to warn people what they were in for seeing! I think I'd have rather seen "Chitty, Chitty Bang, Bang", "The Adventures of Pippi Longstocking" or even "Son of the Mask" instead of this movie--it was that bad!By the way, there is a worse Christmas film. The 1959 Mexican film "Santa Claus" is in the Bottom 100 as well and it is light-years worse! But, for a big-budget Hollywood Christmas story, "Santa With Muscles" takes the prize!