The Amityville Haunting (2011)

It's no definitive masterpiece but it's damn close.

Boring, long, and too preachy.

An absolute waste of money

I didn’t really have many expectations going into the movie (good or bad), but I actually really enjoyed it. I really liked the characters and the banter between them.

My Amityville binge has led me to this, a found footage movie set in a world where Amityville has been recognised, made into movies and books and yet another family moves into the infamous house anyway.As with all found footage films very little happens and this is 80 minutes of sheer unadulterated boredom.What makes it worse (If that's possible) is that it's not even the Amityville house despite being said multiple times that it is. Both inside and out that becomes blatantly apparent and really is seven shades of stupid.So we have shaky cam, we have night vision cam and we have the obligatory handicam filmed by someone who absolutely positively has to record everything for some reason.In true Amityville style people change, folks turn on each other and yet somehow this is the worst one yet.The Good: It ended, that bit was good The Bad: That had to be the least sexy sex scene since the zombie humping in Braindead (1992) NOT the Amityville house The "Warning" real footage thing is getting dumbThings I Learnt From This Movie: The fact that there are no opening credits, no closing credits and therefore everyone involved is uncredited screams volumes Someone should really trademark Amityville so Joe Talentless can't keep adding it to his film

This is part nine to Amityville series. And it is very disappointing. The Amityville horror is so mush better. Amityville II the possession is a lot better. Amityville 3 the Demon is a lot better. Amityville 4 the evil escapes is a lot better. The Amityville cures it a lot better. Amityville it's about time is better. Amityville a new generation is lot better. The Amityville dollhouse is better. Amityville Asylum is a better movie. And that is an awful movie. Amityville death house is better. And that is an awful movie. Amityville playhouse is better. And that is an awful movie. This movie has an awful story line. It also has awful acting. The ending is awful. It is not scary. Do not see it. It is just an awful movie.

Where to begin? This movie was the highlight of my Saturday night. To be fair, I didn't hear any of the dialogue because I was adding my own commentary, but the cinematography was top notch. It was almost like they were trying to cover up the fact that they had a 14 year old boy as their main narrator and camera man. One of the best actors of the movie was the ghost. He had an excellence stance and posture, really commanded any scene he was in (all 30 seconds of it). His character was very polite, slightly murder-y, and I empathized with him. This man proved that chivalry is not dead, though he may be. In addition he was a very industrious and ambitious man, who killed 7 people in 7 days. Who can blame him since he had to haunt such an ugly house? The wallpaper was atrocious, there was half of a marble column randomly in the living room, the backyard was lackluster at best, and the kitchen tiles were patterned (who does that?). However, it seemed like all of the blood stains from the previous murders cleaned up fairly well. Why I had to give this movie 9 out of 10 instead of a 10 out of 10 was because of the little girl (supposedly the youngest daughter). She looked far older than any child who should talk like a baby. I was concerned over her mental state. The father and the mother were both more than likely abusive and headed towards a messy divorce. Which wasn't helped by the entrance of the father's gay lover, Cut. But don't worry their marriage was saved by the ghost offing him. The oldest daughter, who was clearly the mother of the 'youngest daughter'(Mel), was a total slut who didn't fully grasp that bathing suits are more revealing than towels. In addition, her makeup applying skills were worse than sub par (which kinda should be expected with an angsty teenager). While watching this movie, a poster fell down in my room. I applaud the movie for scaring something.

Please note: I didn't realise THE AMITYVILLE HAUNTING was produced by The Asylum before I purchased it, otherwise I might have had second thoughts. This turns out to be a found footage twist on the whole AMITYVILLE HORROR franchise, which inevitably rips off just about every found footage movie in existence.The main "inspiration" behind this film is, clearly, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, although this movie makes that film look like a masterpiece in comparison. Everything about it is horrible: the acting, the style, the distinct lack of a story, in which the writer just throws everything into the mix in an attempt to make something stick (nothing does). So we get ghostly kids, intruders, doors opening on their own, murders. It's all ludicrous.The film's main character is a kid, and about half the running time seems to consist of him pointing the camera at the floor while his parents argue; this doesn't make for a good use of screen time. Instead, I was bored witless by it. The only thing that kept me watching was the bad acting of the father, which was pretty amusing. There's quite a bit of incident in the last five minutes (none of which makes much sense) but it comes far too late in the game to make THE AMITYVILLE HAUNTING an interesting film.