Hansel and Gretel Get Baked (2013)

That was an excellent one.

Fantastic!

Great example of an old-fashioned, pure-at-heart escapist event movie that doesn't pretend to be anything that it's not and has boat loads of fun being its own ludicrous self.

There's a more than satisfactory amount of boom-boom in the movie's trim running time.

Molly C Quinn, the hot little strawberry blond from Castle, is Gretel, while Michael Welch (know to the Twilight folks specifically and to zombie fans with his role in Z-Nation) is her brother, Hansel. Gretel, her brother, and her boyfriend all love smoking pot. There's a "cute grandma" selling pot and brownies not too far from where they live…yeah, she's a witch. She has the ability to drain "youth" from others, and so potheads arriving at her door offer the perfect victims to "suck dry". Lara Flynn Boyle, at first in old age makeup, soon has returned to her 40s thanks to the youth of Andrew James Allen (Gretel's beau).Part of the comedy is how busy the knocks at Boyle's door become. At one point she just shoots two cops who answer concerns of missing people possibly tied to her (Yancy Butler and Lochlyn Munro in small, but humorous, supporting parts…part of the joke is that the film builds them going to the house only for them to be "dispatched" rather quickly), while her gory mistreatment of Allen is particularly gruesome (eye gouging with a fork she pops in her mouth after the fact and she chews on meat sawed from his leg, throwing a chunk to her dog!) and prolonged. A couple of victims (including a drug dealer of her weed who becomes too much trouble and a trio of drug supplying goons outraged with her selling on their turf) turn into zombies and go after our young dope-head heroes. You just have to see the throat slashing (it goes over the top by having the victim jerking and bleeding like a stuck pig) and an upside down "blood drain" (through the use of a hose turn spout!), not to mention, the ole "yank out the heart" gag are included for extra ultra violence. Boyle keeps the face straight although the part is absurd. She literally goes into the oven and even makes out with Latina babe, Bianca Saad, at one point, as Quinn searches throughout her house for the boyfriend. Boyle even has a bomb shelter converted into a pot farm! Cary Elwes is barely recognizable as a meter man who picks up a black cat seemingly abandoned and pays for it. As you might expect, there's plenty of "pot humor" to go with the grue. Definitely a kitchen sink movie.

I simply do not like these types of films.My friend recommended this one to me, but I really needed some strength to sit and watch it all.Acting was OK, actors gave what they had.Plot, well was there a plot? Since film was crap, I might as well use some time to talk about legalization of marijuana.I think it is a positive thing. In many countries and states of the Unites States marijuana is legal for medicinal use, and in some countries and states it is becoming legal for recreational use. Since tobacco is legal for purchase in all of those countries and it is proved to be very harmful, and marijuana is proved to have medical positive impact it is very illogical to have tobacco legal and marijuana illegal. Hence legalize marijuana and criminalize tobacco, eh?

The film is set in contemporary Southern California. The film opens with a seemingly endless montage of visuals of medical marijuana prescriptions. Eventually, we shift to a meter man reading usage at a house consuming a huge amount of wattage. He decides to investigate a bit more before calling it in. This turns out to be a mistake.Hansel and Gretel are brother and sister in an upper middle class house. Their parents are away for a while at the beginning of the film. Gretel and her friend Ashton are in her bedroom sharing a sample of weed ('Black Forest') while they listen to music. Hansel comes home and is not amused. He goes up to chat with them, and they decide to make gingerbread after Hansel describes Black Forest Cake. Ashton goes to get some more Black Forest from the little lady who lives in Pasadena (where else...). Agnes is willing to sell him the weed and to get him some munchies, as long as he does not touch her gingerbread house.Ashton does eat some of it, and is knocked out by it. He awakes to find Agnes basting him. She starts eating him while he is still alive: first an eye, then roasted lower leg. Gretel makes a lot of calls since she expects him back. Next day, she starts asking his stoner associates where he might be. She gets Agnes' address from Manny, then convinces Hansel to drive her there. Agnes manages to fend off her inquiries.The police call the power company to ask about a missing van about to be towed. The company acknowledges this, and the van is towed. Hansel and Gretel call the police, but the interview does not go well since they are unwilling to provide specifics about Manny, or Gretel's own drug use. Officer Hart takes Agnes' address anyway. Gretel is disappointed; Hansel is resigned.Agnes seems to be more of a succubus than a cannibal. Sucking Ashton's spirit out of his body seems to do more for her than eating his flesh.Carlos decides to horn in on Manny's action with the Black Forest High. Manny goes to Agnes and tells her about Carlos' demands. Agnes is unimpressed. She sends Carlos an insulting message, then kills Manny. Gretel posts signs about Ashton. Carlos, Jorge, and Octavio visit Agnes. This proved to be a bad idea for them.The power company continues investigating the power spike. Sam's son (one of the stoners who gave up Manny to Carlos) divulges the location of the new weed, and Sam reports it to her boss. He personally continues the investigation from the power usage angle.Gretel and Bianca decide to look for Ashton and Manny at Agnes' house. While Bianca talks to Agnes, Gretel breaks into the basement, and searches. She finds a piece of shirt that she recognizes. Soon she finds Octavio, or at least his voice. Agnes prevails again.Hansel heads to Agnes' house once he sees Gretel's text. The police get a missing person's report on Ashton. The power company is zeroing in.Will Agnes maintain her household against all these challenges?-----Scores------Cinematography: 7/10 Mostly excellent, but many of the interior shots were not so good.Sound: 10/10 No problems.Acting: 6/10 Molly Quinn, Lara Flynn Boyle, Reynaldo Gallegos, and Yancy Butler were all fine. Bianca Saad was rather fun. Michael Welch, Lochlyn Munro, and Eddie Martin were almost OK. Andrew James Allen and Claudia Choi were terrible.Screenplay: 6/10 This one had a few continuity errors involving time of day. Some of the plot motivators were really weak. Also, just what did the power company contribute to the whole matter? The opening seemed like the film was to be a full-on stoner film with no other considerations, which turned out to be false.

I am impressed that I made it through the entire movie. The sad part is that I think want kept me watching was Lara Flynn Boyle's face. I can't figure out if she got some kind of illness or if she just went crazy with the plastic surgery, but either way, its sad and hard to stop staring. Back to the crapfest of a movie, about an old lady who lures teenagers to her house by selling them weed and then of course, she kills and eats them to regain her youth. This movie was a total snooze fest. I thought it was going to be funny, it wasn't. I also thought it might be a little scary, not even a little. Definitely pass on this on unless you're curious to see Lara's new face.