Robot Monster (1953)

This movie is the proof that the world is becoming a sick and dumb place

True to its essence, the characters remain on the same line and manage to entertain the viewer, each highlighting their own distinctive qualities or touches.

The story, direction, characters, and writing/dialogue is akin to taking a tranquilizer shot to the neck, but everything else was so well done.

Mostly, the movie is committed to the value of a good time.

Hu-mans! I, Ro-man, have conquered your puny, insignificant planet, making it a vacation spot for The Great Guidance and his army of my Ro-man brethren! You are doomed to be eviscerated by my Calcinator Death Ray! Bow and kneel before your new masters! Don't make me turn on the bubble machine! I'm warning you, it's ghastly! What? No, this isn't a ratty old go-rilla suit! Wha...?? Hell no! This helmet was given to me by my father, Ro-man Sr.! Hey! Don't touch the equipment! Are you crazy?! Put that down! Do you silly hu-mans have any idea how long it took me to tidy up this cave? Hmmm? Grrrr...

"ER-ROR! ER-ROR! - THERE ARE EIGHT!"Robot Monster, now here's a strange duck for you, this low-budget Sci-Fi film from the early 50's is a true oddball entry if ever there was one. Oddball I say and the reason why it's such an odd one is because of the films ridiculous looking antagonists, who are a race of alien beings known as the "Ro-Man's", but in reality are nothing more than a guy wearing a gorilla-suit and a cheap-looking space-helmet. Robot Monster is a good 66 minutes worth of laughter and though I can't accuse it of being a good movie, yet in light of how hilariously ridiculous the Ro-Man's look and sound, the film certainly does make for an amusing, early, entry of the genre. Robot Monster was released back in 1953 when Sci-Fi was still very much in it's infancy, but even for the standards of the time this film is well below-average, especially when you consider the fact that "The War of the Worlds", an early classic of the genre, was released the same year.The basic plot revolves around world conquest by the hands of the Ro-Man's, who, through the use of their superior weapons, seek to exterminate all signs of human life, then claim the planet as their own. Given the bare details it sounds like a heavy-weight plot doesn't it, however given that the Ro-Man's look and sound ridiculously comical and move so slowly and clumsily, it makes it impossible to ever feel threatened or menaced by them at any time. This results in the movie (starting with it's laughably generic title) feeling more like a comedy then anything else, and as anyone can plainly see this film, as funny and as entertaining as it is, is nothing more then dated Sci-Fi schlock. Yet despite my low rating I still like it quite a bit, because I see it as being unique and off-beat, plus I can't think of any other movie quite like it. Robot Monster is pleasure to watch, while taking barely an hour of your time.The strong points of this film undoubtedly has to come in the form of Elmer Bernstein's score which is terrifically catchy and yet at the same time somewhat unsettling. Bernstein's music is prominently featured throughout and it's jaunty quality definitely increases the films overall effectiveness. Then we have the Ro-Man's, just the sight of these characters is simply hilarious and they're the key reason why this film stands out from the other films of the genre, the Ro-Man's are quite possibly the single most ridiculous looking characters in all of Sci-Fi. Not to forget the way in which they speak, which is uniquely entertaining, voiced to perfection by the ever so distinguished sounding English actor John Brown (worlds most boring name?). Which would matter not if the dialog wasn't equally good, but that's not a problem here - in fact the Ro-Man's lingo is the best part of the movie.The Ro-Man's have nearly succeeded in their mission and it's down to the last handful of people, who by the merits of their scientific know-how, have been able to survive the wrath of the Ro-Man's and their terrible weapons. It's comes down to these six people, three of which are scientists to defeat the alien onslaught and avert imminent world domination at the hands of mighty Ro-Man's. Among the six remaining people are a couple of young kids, who are there for probably no other reason other to lighten the mood of things. The little boy "Johnny" does so effectively, but the girl "Carla" is simply dismal, as she never quite grasps the enormity of the situation. She does nothing other than loiter around in a blithe state of ignorance, which is revealed through such golden lines as: "Well-when-it-is-can-I-go-over-to-Janie's-house-and-borrow-her-dolls" said in the most flat and lifeless voice possible.I find Robot Monster to be at it's best when it's Ro-Man "Extension-XJ2" speaking to the Ro-Man leader, through some sort of a alien tele-conference set-up, which includes a large screen and what looks like some ham radio equipment. During these ridiculous tele-conference scenes all you see are two jack-ass's wearing cheap gorilla suits and space-helmets which sport large, circular, glass, face-plates and rabbit-ear antenna's that look like they were taken off the top of some TV set. Evidently aliens like to Skipe too - provided it's within the movies budget of course. The movies visuals are varied at bit with the inclusion of a montage of stop-motion dinosaurs (amateurly done to say the least), stock footage of rockets (including what looks like a V-2 launch) and of nuclear explosions, these visuals are edited together in effort to quickly and efficiently explain the movies backstory of world-wide confusion and calamity.If you're one who get's a kick out of low-budget Sci-Fi flicks from the 1950's, well then I couldn't recommend Robot Monster more highly. But otherwise, no I couldn't recommend it to anybody else, this has appeal to a very narrow demographic. Robot Monster was also one of the first movies to be featured on MST3K, specifically episode 107 (that's season: 1 / episode: 7).

Well, I pass the trophy over from Jaws III to this movie. It really is so bad. Some movies can be so bad they are good. Not this movie...it is a stinker. The acting...what acting? The special effects...what special effects? The dinosaurs...well, they were kinda cool. But what purpose did they serve? Best thing about this movie? That's easy; the love scene. Our hero and heroine are fleeing from some hairy armed man in a diving helmet (supposedly an alien) and incredibly they find time for a bit of flirting, foreplay and a massive kissing session in the hay while this killer robot is limping around in the desert looking totally lost (probably trying to find a way to sneak off the set. In a word, dreadful.

There's not much to say about this movie that hasn't already been said. I could talk about the plot or the characters and how bad they are, or how this movie has no sense of pacing and environment. But that's not why anyone would watch this movie. They'd watch it for the stupidity. And boy, will they not be disappointed. A quick list of idiocy: -The "robot monster" is a scuba diving gorilla. -His radio to his home planet spits out bubbles. -Somehow this lumbering buffoon has wiped out the entire human race. -His death ray is just random, seizure-inducing flashes. -"Dinosaurs" randomly pop in the middle of the movie for no reason. -Said dinosaurs are either reused footage or two wrestling crocodiles, one with a fin taped to his back. -And once again, the robot monster is a scuba gorilla. It's really quite remarkable. I suggest you all stop whatever measly activity you are currently partaking in and go view this movie on your nearest public domain website. It's free and you can also find an old Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode to ease you into the madness. You've been warned.