The Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String (2003)

Highly Overrated But Still Good

I really wanted to like this movie. I feel terribly cynical trashing it, and that's why I'm giving it a middling 5. Actually, I'm giving it a 5 because there were some superb performances.

The film makes a home in your brain and the only cure is to see it again.

This is a coming of age storyline that you've seen in one form or another for decades. It takes a truly unique voice to make yet another one worth watching.

Lord of the G-Strings (2003) * 1/2 (out of 4) This being Seduction Cinema and featuring Misty Mundae you know you're in for some soft-core sex. This here is a spoof of the LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy with Misty playing the Throbbit Dildo Saggins who is given the magical G-string from a drunken wizard. Dildo must then travel to a lesbian island to destroy the bad guys while along the way licking as many women as possible. I guess it's fair to say that the "story" really shouldn't matter in a film like this but while watching it I still couldn't help but have a flashback to my teenage years where my buddies and I would stay up late on Friday nights just to check out the latest soft-core flick on Cinemax. You know, looking back on those movies they actually look pretty good and especially when you compare them to the latest trend, which is low-budget movies shot quickly and with a mostly unknown cast. Mundae has become a cult favorite due in large part to her very much looking like the girl next door. In the day and age where every "porn" star has breast implants, tans and more fake parts than a Frankenstein monster, many people enjoy the natural looking Mundae. I must admit that she's quite cute and when she wants to she can also deliver a fine performance. The performance aspect is pretty much gone here but she does manage to have a couple good sex scenes including a sequence towards the end where the threesome eventually turns into a sevensome as more and more ladies join the fun. I will admit that most of the sex scenes get rather boring as the soft-core elements just aren't as strong as many other films out there and even for such a soft flick the scenes just seem too timid for their own good. The supporting cast features some familiar faces to those familiar with Seduction Cinema. As you'd expect, on a technical level everything is pretty bland here with some incredibly bad acting, silly costumes and some computer effects that appear to be left over from the era of the original Duck Hunt. Fans of THE LORD OF THE RINGS probably won't be impressed with any of the "jokes" here as they are pretty lame. So, with that in mind, the film's really just for Misty fans who must see everything she's done.

OK first its soft-core porn, if you don't like a lot of soft lesbian scenes you may as well go elsewhere. As far as porn rip offs of well known films go this isn't bad. The characters are easy enough to laugh at, Erin Brown (Aka Misty Mundae) is hysterical as the main character and her wizard mentor Smirnof will have you in stitches. The plot is of course a very simplified version of the Tolkien books with as many sex based jokes as they could cram into one script. The effects are cheap and so are the costumes but you won't care. The actors know they are making a cheap parody and they run with it playing it for laughs all the way. There are several times they break the fourth wall but if it worked for Groucho it can work for this film. Grab a beer or 6 and some pretzels, but try not to drink to fast or you may end up doing spit takes while watching this.

A passionate tale of heartbreak and love triangles (literally). This movie lifted me to half mast, and kept me there for hours on and off. To say that this movie changed my life is a gross understatement to the testament of its magnitude on the movie experience. Move over Casablanca, this is the new American classic. i could go on and on about this movie. I have seen it multiple times and it has given me multiple orgasms. It is a travesty to try and confine this masterpiece in the parameters of human language. I feel like this movie has filled the void in my heart that was left aching from my disappointment of "Gladiator Maximus Glutius). I love Rob L.

(some plot content included, although there is no way to spoil this crap) Ok, here's the scene: Me and my friends are renting movies one night and we decide to rent this (thinking it would be funny, not a porn because of it's R rating). My, my, my, how we were wrong. There were probably 11 people total working on this movie. There are like 5 orcs in the whole movie, and they get killed and yet come back for the next scene. But the thing that had me tearing my hair out was the "comedy." Good lord! The jokes, if you can call them that, were so bad, oh so BAD. Seriously, it made me want to cry thinking that someone thought that some of these jokes would be funny. There was one part in the movie I thought was funny (I think at this point I would have found anything funny) was a scene where the bad wizard was killing Smirnoff the wizard by putting him under a blanket and then farting under the blanket. I believe he called it the "killer dutch oven." Another part an "orc" (which was a guy with blue make-up on) started p**sing on the "throbbits" that he was trying to catch. It was obvious that he would have seen them, but like the rest of this movie, it didn't make any sense at all. And despite what you may have read in other reviews, the girls in this movie are especially skankarific, and if you have any standards whatsoever with women, you would find MAYBE one remotely attractive. The dialogue is diabolical and the CG! I've never seen such crap. There were cut scenes to show where the throbbits were on their trek. The only thing was the AWFUL cg looked NOTHING like where they were. This movie is worth the rent to see just how bad this is! Another thing that absolutely baffles me is why this movie was made. It's not quite porn and it's the farthest thing from being a funny movie. Who provides funding for this crap? Only see this movie if you're looking for another reason not to live.