Wolves of Wall Street (2002)

The greatest movie ever made..!

In truth, there is barely enough story here to make a film.

Watch something else. There are very few redeeming qualities to this film.

I didn’t really have many expectations going into the movie (good or bad), but I actually really enjoyed it. I really liked the characters and the banter between them.

Take The Lost Boys, add a little Boiler Room, and replace vampires with werewolves. Voila! You have Wolves of Wall Street.Ohio kid Jeff moves to NYC to work on Wall Street as a broker, but has no experience. He meets a cute bartender who hooks him up with the Wolf Brothers firm and he gets the job. Only problem is, they're all werewolves! Can Jeff save himself and the girl he loves? Or is he destined to a life of hairy toes? And why is there a full moon in New York about every two weeks? Now, this is a David DeCouteau film, so our male leads are very hot AND we get the obligatory underwear sequence where the boys frolic together. But unlike most DeCouteau films I've seen, this one has a weird homophobic undercurrent. The wolf boys are able to pick up pheromones from everyone except a pretty lesbian. Of course, she ends up making out with one of them anyway. And a very nice leather-clad boy happens upon Jeff on the street and is turned into a meal. Overall, the acting isn't too terrible.I would never recommend this one, but I don't know that I'd steer the curious away, either.

It sounded like it could be fun. The premise of the most powerful brokerage firm on Wall Street being run by hunky werewolves could have worked. And the film does boast some capable actors, even an amusing cameo appearance by Louise Lasser (from "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman"). Obviously, one doesn't expect a classic film, but the least these people could have delivered is something enjoyably bad. But there is no excuse for it being so dull. There are no werewolf transformations on camera, for starters. Eric Roberts plays the senior partner of the firm with "where's my paycheck?" restlessness, while the supporting cast just goes through the motions. There are constant, repetitive shots of Wall Street buildings, full moons (do full moons happen several nights in a row there?), embarrassingly bad wolf puns, and an idiotic flashback from a party. In the flashback in question, the brokers all strip off their clothes Chippendale's style, then crawl to a pair of seated female models, sniffing and licking their hands and legs while the women moan (but look like they're yawning). Meanwhile, the sound of wolves growling plays on the soundtrack. What do they plan to do to the women? Seduce them? Eat them? Hump their legs and pee on the carpeting? I never figured it out. There are a few off-camera killings, but it's the paying audience who are the real victims. David DeCoteau (the man responsible for this) belongs in the doghouse.

...since it had a complete absense of werewolves in it, I don't think it actually qualifies as a werewolf movie. Not only do you not see any in the entire course of the movie, the word "werewolf" isn't even metioned. The entire movie seemed to me like they were playing Taboo, and you had to suggest werewolves without showing or saying anything that directly describes or displays them. Anyway...Half the movie is montages of scenes cut from the same movie. During the main character's "transformation" scene (which looks more like someone having a heart attack than transforming into a werewolf) they constantly cut to the moon over Manhattan (it's ALWAYS the full moon in this movie, despite the fact it supposedly takes place over more than a week) and a earler shot of him in sunglasses and a beret (ooh! scary...). There's almost no continuous action, ever... it never goes more than 5 minutes without one of these montages.It is somewhat original though, will give you that. It avoids most of the overused cliches in werewolf movies. The trouble is that after removing those, nothing was put in their place. It's like removing stains from clothes by cutting the fabric the stains are on completely off. Sure, now there's no stains, but it's full of holes now... that's what this movie is.

*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*So this guy dreams about being a stock broker and heads to Wall Street. You'll know that it's Wall Street because the street and subway sign for Wall Street are shown numerous times. He's down on his luck until he goes to the Wolfie Boy Toy brokerage house. It's a hip, happening brokerage firm where all the men are buff and drink tea. They also dress sharp and have great hair. They want the new guy to run with the pack. Will he howl along with them? Only an idiot would stick around to find out. This rotten excuse of a horror movie really hurt me. There is not one werewolf in the entire movie. Not one! Most of the movie is spent having some broker tell the new guy how to be a good salesman/predator. This wouldn't have been so bad if there was some remote semblance of a payoff. What a sick joke. There's nothing. When you have a sex scene with four guys and two girls and all the nudity is on the guy's side, you'll know that the movie has dive-bombed into complete oblivion. The horror angle is only the hook to get the ignorant suckers, (like me), to rent this awful rip-off. I have learned my lesson the hard way. Please excuse me while I howl in agony, "AH-WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"