Amityville Exorcism (2017)

Purely Joyful Movie!

Good idea lost in the noise

It's a good bad... and worth a popcorn matinée. While it's easy to lament what could have been...

The joyful confection is coated in a sparkly gloss, bright enough to gleam from the darkest, most cynical corners.

Need I say more? Some of the reviews were more entertaining than the movie. What's up with those "special" "mind" effects and the lipstick red outfit? I have to check into a bulimia clinic after just watching ~30% of this.

To begin with, the Amityville horror movies were not always the best. Far from it, really. However, this movie: with its horrible costumes: irritating "jumpscares": and lifeless actors, takes the f***ing cake. The intro itself should warn you that this movie is poorly made. I felt like I was watching a documentary with the film's terrible camera direction, I was waiting for the narrator to chime in the entire time. The actors themselves could not have done a worse job; the main "young, angsty teen" looks and sounds like she's in her mid-30's. The demon itself is an abomination; some guy with a red sheet and a solid red mask... You can even see his creeper-in-the-basement neck-beard. If you're hoping for plot, the foundation of the story is literally evil wood. Evil wood. Yes. The ending lacks any sort of satisfaction, except for the monstrosity finally ending. Don't watch this movie unless you genuinely want to torture yourself.

So yeah, director Mark Polonia has now lent his name to a low budget horror pic with fake, CGI flies. His latest being Amityville Exorcism, qualifies as one of 2017's most amateur offerings. Polonia is anxious here. He's always cutting away from telling his story. He'd rather show random images of ghastly figures, he'd rather channel rock gods White Zombie, and he'd rather get his Nine Inch Nails video fix. It's all so confusing, atmospheric-free, and totally hackneyed.Anyway, "Exorcism" (my latest review) is the 18th installment in the Amityville franchise. I haven't seen most of these films but I know for a fact that Amityville Exorcism is so far gone from being tied to 1979's original (titled The Amityville Horror). You don't even get a glimpse of "Horror's" famed house on 112 Ocean Lane (in Long Island, NY). I mean yeah it's featured on the movie poster but that's about it (I'm thinking the filmmakers and producers had no pull and no reliable permits).Made with troupers who obviously won the Hollywood lottery, green- lit with the tone of blackmailing, featuring an implausible binge drinking scene, and giving off a whiff of a rejected student film, "Exorcism" has a plot element that's as old as dirt. A young woman gets possessed and a priest must thrust the demons out of her. There's horrid acting, an opening credits sequence that feels like an 80's porno, some over-stylized direction, and a vibe of unintentional buffoonery. As far as the scare factor goes, well you'd have to be under some serious narcotics to get that effect (for the record, I don't endorse this).In terms of originality, man Amityville Exorcism copies off movies good and bad. It's like a slack version of The Evil Dead with its roving camera movement, its evil cheesy soundtrack, and its demonic speak. It's also like 1981's Saturday the 14th with its creatures looking like their donning tacky Halloween costumes. Finally, "Exorcism" kinda rips off the final scene in The Exorcist. That was an actual masterpiece with a sense of foreboding. This is clearly not.All in all, some might say that there's always room for another Amityville flick. After witnessing "Exorcism" with its straight to DVD release, its director who might have fell asleep at film school, and its neophyte cast who may never see their SAG pensions, I say go for it... NOT! Rating: 1 and a half stars.

The dead horse that is the "Amtiyville Saga" is flogged once more and this entry makes last years effort, "The Amityville Terror" (2016) look like "Citizen Kane" by comparison.To be charitable, this movie might have been a decent B-horror flick with a better budget and thus better actors and script revisions.