Apartment 1303 3D (2013)

An action-packed slog

Great movie! If you want to be entertained and have a few good laughs, see this movie. The music is also very good,

it is the rare 'crazy' movie that actually has something to say.

Let me be very fair here, this is not the best movie in my opinion. But, this movie is fun, it has purpose and is very enjoyable to watch.

There are no spoilers in this review, nothing I could possibly write would spoil it more than the director already has.Unlike many reviews about the film I watched until the end - just to confirm how I thought it would end: no disappointments there, it was as predictable as the rest of the movie.Considering the cast had many established actors, I was surprised at how little they tried to act. This may have came from the director, as I'm sure if left in a room with him for an hour I would lose the will to live too.When the quality of the signal-to-noise ratio in the picture is the only good thing you can say about a movie you know something is very wrong. I don't usually write reviews here, as it's never good to ridicule the work of an individual or crew; which are usually hard working folk just doing their job - but this sucked so much I would happily take a mallet to them without breaking sweat. If you ever feel compelled to watch this movie I suggest a bucket-full of your drug of choice and regular electric shocks to make sure you're still alive by the end.

I'm so confused to as why Mischa Barton is an actress. She was stilted and awkward. The girl that played her sister was just as terrible. Rebecca De Mornay was off as well (spoiler: her death scene was dumb). Corey Sevier wasn't bad in comparison to the rest, but it doesn't help that he's pretty good looking in my opinion. The little girl was creepy only because little girls are creepy. Another problem I had with the film was the super. He was definitely pervey. But why didn't Janet or Lara call the building owner or cops to complain? It wasn't scary at all which was probably the biggest disappointment. I think I could handle the bad acting if I had actually been scared.

The only way this movie could have entertained me any less, would have been to remove the actors completely and film the empty apartment. This would have, at least, fixed the terrible script and awkward, unconvincing character interactions. I would literally have rather watched Rebecca De Mornay get drunk and play the guitar for an hour and a half. The acting was terrible, aside from De Mornay, but even she hardly gave a star-worthy performance thanks to awful dialogue and poor direction. The boyfriend, apparently played by Colin Ferrel's stunt double, seemed bored and lethargic, while his girlfriend, played by Julianne Michelle, seemed more than content to make up for his lack of emotion. Overacting is an understatement. Mischa Barton, on the other hand seemed to labor through each scene, struggling to make her lines work and her character appear deeper than the script allowed.Two stars is generous, afforded by decent CGI effects, though even those were unoriginal, borrowed and slightly improved from twentieth century horror films that, sadly, did a better job of it fifteen years ago. The plot was facile and underdeveloped, the characters hollow and dull and the overall experience was similar to watching a high school drama class practice their roles in a gymnasium.

Seriously. This movie is pretty bad in exactly to the same way 'The Room' was, which in the case of 'The Room' made it entertaining. Of course, could I make it through 'The Room' without the Rifftrax? I doubt it. Did I make it through 'Apartment 1303'? Yes I did, but not without making up some Riffing of my own. Will I watch it again like I have done with 'The Room'? Maybe because I think I might have missed a couple things while we were discussing the plot holes but I'm dubious. Still, this is definite fodder for those of you who like to riff and make fun of movies. I gave it 5 rating because I am one of those people and this movie scores a 10 in that department so I averaged that 10 with what this movie would normally be rated by myself as a serious horror film, and rounded down. You do the math.