1990: The Bronx Warriors (1983)

Truly Dreadful Film

A movie that not only functions as a solid scarefest but a razor-sharp satire.

I think this is a new genre that they're all sort of working their way through it and haven't got all the kinks worked out yet but it's a genre that works for me.

A film of deceptively outspoken contemporary relevance, this is cinema at its most alert, alarming and alive.

There's very little good I can say about this movie. The promotional artwork was actually better than the movie, with their old-fashioned drawn posters of macho men wielding machine guns and roaring to a black sky. The only thing it really seemed to have was a cool location that was appropriate for its story, and I seriously doubt it took a lot of work to find rundown locations in the Bronx (and places that obviously weren't the Bronx) during that time. The acting sucks certain cavities like a vacuum cleaner sucks hairballs. The main actor's facial expression doesn't change for at least half the movie--or more. Everyone's acting is equally abysmal, with two exceptions: Fred Williamson was above-average as Ogre, and the guy who played the villain Hammer (a psycho cop/mercenary... type person) was as over-the-top and as cheesy as they come. I get that low-budget Italian exploitation is crap by default, especially in the acting department, but the bad acting wasn't even a fun kind of bad here.The plot is the type of thing you'd want to see in a Hollywood type of movie, with a gang protecting an heiress of a gunrunning company from the psychos that are sent by her father to retrieve her. She doesn't want to run the business, so automatically her first choice is to flee to the Bronx, which has apparently become the most dangerous, lawless, gang-ridden part of New York, and a total 'No- Man's-Land'. Think Old Town from Sin City, but with less babes and an unclearer reason as to why cops aren't supposed to be in the Bronx anymore. For what it is, we have an interesting story shoved into a boring movie. The whole thing is so dull that whatever story potential it may have had is ruined by its mediocre acting, uninteresting characters (except for the aforementioned Ogre and Hammer), bland action sequences (I mean come on, half the deaths in this movie were caused by slapping their opponents), and lack of resolution. It literally ENDS after a few deaths, and we aren't told what happens to half the characters involved in the end (the ones that are still alive, anyway).I enjoy some low-budget movies if they're done well. Or even semi- well. I like exploitation movies for their weirdness and occasional boldness. Hell, I even like the odd ripoff here and there. Speaking of which, this movie was clearly inspired by the 1979 movie The Warriors. Just look at the costume design and the way the actors talk tough in chest-baring leather and the now-classic 80's mullet hair. It's as ridiculous as it sounds, but it's not that fun to watch.I guess this could be a good movie if you're looking for some unintentional comedy or if you just want to pass the time on a boring afternoon. Even I would put it on as background noise and nothing more. It's underwhelming and more boring than it needs to be, and not as fun as it could've been. Still, it had its moments.There will always be better ways to pass the time than watching this, though. Like watching The Warriors instead. Or staring at a brick wall.

***SPOILERS*** Futuristic film, released in 1982, about the Boro of the Bronx circa 1990 where crime has gotten so out of hand that the NY City Government abandoned it to its fate. In letting the Bronx get overrun by criminal outlaw biker gangs who made the Bronx into a living hell. It's in that hellhole that a young 17 year old who's to inherit the Manhattan Arms making Corperation Anne Fisher, Stef Girolami, decide to escape to in order not be be made CEO by her pop the cooperation's president Ted Fisher, Enio Girolami. Mr. Fisher who doesn't have long to live plans to make his daughter Anne president before he leaves, by dropping dead, the scene.Anne gets hooked up with biker gang leader Trash, Marco Di Gregorio, who ends up uniting all the Bronx bikers gangs who are targeted for extermination by psycho cop Hammer "the Exterminator", played by real life Bronx boy Vic Morrow, hired by the Manhattan Corp.to get Anne back home even if she doesn't wan't to go! Trash for his part doesn't come across as a hard as nails outlaw biker but more like a wimpy ballet dancer which in fact the person who played him, Di Gregorio, actually was. Stiff as a board and walking around as if he's wearing a tight brassiere Gergorio, who was 16 when the movie was made, reads his lines as if he were reading cue cards and has a mop of unkempt hair that any member of Hair Club of America would be green with envy of.There's also Trash's comrade in arms Orge, Fred "The Hammer" Williamson, the self proclaimed "King of the Bronx" who's, together with Trash, to take on Hammer and his gestapo-like cops with his main squeeze Witch, Betty Dessy, in the films flaming and final sequence. As for nut-job Hammer he gets more and more crazier as he succeeds in his mission in wiping out all the Bronx biker gangs and getting Anne back home to her luxury townhouse, that she discarded for a burnt out Bronx tenement, in Manhattan.**SPOILERS*** In the end it's the brutal and brainless Hammer who screws up the whole operation in rescuing Anne from her biker friends. Flushed with victory by having slaughtered almost all the outlaw bikers, including Orge, with his flame-throwing stormtroopers Hammer stupidly exposes himself to enemy fire and ends up getting whacked in the process! What was even far more ridicules on Hammer's part is that the very reason he and his gang of psycho cops were sent in into the burnt out Bronx in order to rescue Anne turned into a total disaster! In Hammer and his men ending up killing Anne together with almost the entire, of what was still left, of the Bronx's population!

This movie isn't post-apocalyptic in strict terms, not like 2019: After the Fall of New York who was more similar to Mad Max, this film is more similar to Escape from New York. I won't go so far saying that this movie is better than Escape from New York, but Bronx Warriors is more entertaining movie. Escape from New York tells us about dead man's land, The Bronx Warriors, gives us an ability to travel around dead man's land and get to know better this world. The biggest flaws was some really stupid dialogs, sometimes it felt that you are watching a puppets or something like that. But there was some great action sequences, mostly fighting scenes, but there was also some great stunts. The best fighting scenes were the ones with Fred Williamson. There were lots of gangs and colorful characters too. It's really cool action flick and is worth watching if you are a fan of movies like Mad Max, Escape from New York or 2019: After the Fall of New York.

I have seen this movie from Showtime around the same year he died in 1982 and the Italians didn't even keep his voice in the movie ! I can't believe they would just dub out his voice with some cheap imitation because this was one of the last movies Vic Morrow made before he died. I rated this a 2 because I can't say it's awful because Vic is in it. The acting STINGS and everything else is the same junk you saw from the Italians in the 1980's. One point though, the World Trade Centers are shown a few times in the background so that might be worth seeing it for. If you want to see a boring two hours then I recommend it, otherwise just skip it.