2-Headed Shark Attack (2012)

Save your money for something good and enjoyable

Expected more

It is a whirlwind of delight --- attractive actors, stunning couture, spectacular sets and outrageous parties.

One of the film's great tricks is that, for a time, you think it will go down a rabbit hole of unrealistic glorification.

Don't blink or you'll miss the opening death scene entirely, in this quickly tiring shlockfest about a double-headed CG-shark chomps down on some chowderheads stranded near a small island, which they repeatedly claim is an atoll ( a coral formation, usually circular or ring- shaped ), despite the fact that it is clearly a small island ( a slab of land completely surrounded by water ).The first 30 minutes were fairly amusing, with plenty of good looking girls wearing as little as possible, and a couple of unintentional laughs at the bottom of the barrel effects, but the film played all its cards in the first 30 minutes, and spends the next hour repeating itself, after its topless lesbian kissing session. Carmen Electra turns up just to tan in front of the camera and for her ( oh so slight ) name value, her character could have been edited out completely and the film would be no different.The characters display some of the most moronic behaviour, even for an Asylum picture, that they almost deserve to be swallowed whole, and the effects go from being laughably bad, to mind-numbingly stupid, as the shark's size changes dramatically from one scene to the next. Apparently toward the latter stages of the film, it grows so large that it threatens to sink the island/ atoll, and these blockheads must pool together all of their room temperature IQs and figure how to stay alive, and kill this shark.

Although you have to out up with some terrible over acting and the guys in the film are obviously high steroid users, some with artificial chest implants which look ridiculous to say the least, if you like looking at pretty girls walking around in next to nothing, this is a film to watch - a few times!! There is a particularly lovely scene where 2 girls take a dip with one of the male characters and they both go topless, one is well endowed breast wise and the other has lovely young, firm and pert tits - well worth a few tissues. Plenty of other bikini clad girls to gawp over too. As for the film, forget about what it is about - I challenge you to discover any part of the film which was rehearsed before filming - it looks like it was simply made up on the fly - great.

Don't get me wrong, I like watching terrible movies. Just a couple of weeks ago I subjected myself to "Sharktopus," which was quite terrible but mildly entertaining throughout. I wish I could say the same about this pile of crap that some call a "movie." No amount of boobs or ridiculously long scenes of Carmen Electra sunbathing could save this movie from the depths of hell in which it rightfully rests. I have never really felt that watching any movie has been a waste of time. This movie changed my opinions and made me want the 80 or so minutes I spent watching this back so I could do something remotely good for humanity, like destroying every copy of this movie ever made to save the children from having to live in a world where this terrible movie exists. Excusing the flimsy plot held up by Carmen Electra's sex appeal which can only be exploited so many times before we begin to see through it, there are so many things wrong with this movie that I personally believe that those responsible for making it should be shot. Why in the hell is there a concrete bridge on some remote island in the Pacific? If I tried to list everything in this movie that was wrong, I would have to drop out of school and make this a full-time job. Don't watch this movie. Even if you like movies like "Troll 2," you will find yourself wishing you had never heard of this monstrosity. Like the two-headed shark, this movie should be blown up by a gas tank that somehow explodes with a wet t-shirt ignited underwater.

Well I thought I had seen it all. Malibu Shark Attack. A really, really bad movie. Until this one came along. And well it topped it. It was even worse. Was it laughable? Did it have bad lines like in "could be a post hole". Was it supposed to be intentionally funny? Or are these people just well let's not go there. I trust none of these actors (if you want to call them that) ever show up in another movie. Something ate it stupid - where did they get these lines. Something should have eaten this movie. Like the 2 headed shark.Please help. Bring back Ed Wood and Plan Nine from Outer Space. Or maybe Christopher Ray is trying hard to become the reincarnation of Ed Wood. Whatever.Run. Run away from this awful piece of **** as fast as you can.