Can't Stop the Music (1980)

SERIOUSLY. This is what the crap Hollywood still puts out?

Self-important, over-dramatic, uninspired.

Plot so thin, it passes unnoticed.

I think this is a new genre that they're all sort of working their way through it and haven't got all the kinks worked out yet but it's a genre that works for me.

Yes, 10 stars. I know when I'm beaten. This movie is just as bad as everyone says, but it has one thing going for it. It doesn't care. You can say what you like about bad scriptwriting, acting and direction, but this thing is just going to damn well party down, no matter what you think. Gay? 'CSTM!' is so 'festive' that the DVD should come wrapped in a pair of gold lame shorts (although there's Valerie Perrine and those remarkably sexy dancers in the outlandish 'Milk Shake' sequence to unashamedly ogle). 'Bad'? Think 'Plan 9 From Outer Space' bad. In other words, if you appreciate 'good' movies (and a beer or two) then you'll definitely enjoy this total affront to all things 'good' (and 'tasteful'). There's something wrong everywhere you look; watch out for such choice moments as the 'recording session' held in Valerie Perrine's back yard. Most musicians and producers prefer purpose-built soundproof recording studios, but not these guys. I've been a musician for over 30 years and every few minutes had me doing another face-palm. The songs (e.g. 'Magic Nights', 'Milk Shake' etcetera) mostly sound like they were written on the back of a beer coaster after an all-nighter, and the crazed 'audition' sequence has to be seen to be believed. You don't have to know anything about music to have fun with this movie (although it certainly helps); there's plenty for everyone. How about the insanely amateur camera angles covering the big San Francisco concert at the end? When you're not staring directly up the wildly gyrating Ritchie Family's skirts (and their song goes on for an utterly ridiculous time), you're looking at five of the six Village People on the stage. That's after seeing them arrive on stage in spectacularly excitement-stifling middle distance. Look, I genuinely could go on for several pages listing stuff like this, but you're better off witnessing it for yourself. Imagine a 1940s screwball comedy put through a concrete mixer and brought to fruition by well-intentioned Martians with a less-than-firm grip on Earth culture circa 1980 and you're there. You can't stop the music; it'll run you down and leave you in stitches.

Well, after 30 years of pretty much avoiding this movie that got so many bad reviews and was such a bomb at the box office, I finally managed to watch Can't Stop the Music on a DVD that I borrowed from the library several days ago. Man, what an ultra cheesy movie this was! Where to start...Steve Guttenberg getting the multiple-image treatment when roller skating on the streets of N.Y., a couple of audition scenes like when that guy singing "Macho Man" starts stripping as he shows off his muscled body or that other guy twirling a couple of flaming batons just before it sets the water sprinklers, Bruce Jenner getting hot food dropped on his lap which gets both Steve and Valerie Perrine taking his pants off, and that whole bizarre "Y.M.C.A" number...there's plenty more but I think you get the drift. There's also some funny and some very unfunny moments galore here though it's interesting seeing such accomplished character actors like Jack Weston, Barbara Rush, Tammy Grimes, Paul Sand, and especially June Havoc as Guttenberg's mother do what they can with the material. Actually, while I mentioned that the "Y.M.C.A" number was pretty bizarre, it also provided some energy along with many of the other ones that made many of the just talking scenes just so monotonous or pointless in comparison. In summation, Can't Stop the Music was a mess that first-and-only-time director Nancy Walker couldn't fix and it must have knocked screenwriter Bronte Woodard and his co-writing partner and producer Allan Carr down a notch after their big success with Grease two years before though Carr wouldn't really decline in power until that really awful production number involving Snow White and Rob Lowe at the 1989 Academy Awards. That said, the cheesiness did contribute to the fun I had watching this and I may watch this again if I so desired. Certainly, some scenes with Ms. Perrine would make it worth my while again...P.S. Once again, I have to acknowledge someone involved here that's from my birthtown of Chicago, Ill. This time it's Mr. Carr. And one more thing: A critic back in the day said, "By 2010, this movie will become 1980's The Gang's All Here." Now, considering that picture had such icons as Busby Berkeley and Carmen Miranda, I don't think the comparison's apt. They both have similar camp value, however.

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The criteria for the crappiest movies of all time have a tendency to fall under the inflated snobbery of those who drink the AFI's Kool-Aid. The main question you must ask after any movie is "Was I entertained?" After watching this movie, you will respond with an enthusiastic YES!There is no pretense that this flick will rival Schindler's List or Gone With The Wind, but that is not the goal of this movie. Can't Stop The Music is a silly vehicle meant to suspend reality for an hour and a half. What plot there is simply pushes the viewer from one bouncy tune to the next. Reality has no place in this pseudo bio-pic, but it really doesn't matter as the origin of the Village People is all colored smoke and glitter adorned mirrors anyway.Make no mistake that this monster reflects it's creator (Jacques Morali) and his overwhelmingly "alternative lifestyle" point of view. The film flows with a child-like quality born of an optimism that was promised yet never surfaced in the 80's.This is the definition of escapist celluloid. Go watch it!