King Cobra (1999)

Am i the only one who thinks........Average?

If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

I have absolutely never seen anything like this movie before. You have to see this movie.

One of the film's great tricks is that, for a time, you think it will go down a rabbit hole of unrealistic glorification.

The dumb-but-fun ANACONDA was a giant snake movie that received a lot of flak from the critics. Personally, I thoroughly enjoyed the film, both at the cinema and at home on television. So when I saw the reviews for KING COBRA (itself marketed as ANACONDA 2 in some instances) I didn't take too much notice of them, figuring them to be just more negative comments from guys who hate the genre in the first place. Sadly, the criticism received by KING COBRA is entirely correct, as this cheap and tacky killer snake flick scrapes the bottom of the barrel in every instance. Heck, even the poorly-acted low-budget '50s B-movies with appalling effects were more fun than this modern variation, which has better effects but is substandard in every other way.Anybody expecting the monster rampage usually offered by such "creature features" will be disappointed by the minimal action on offer here; the film progresses as usual, with the creation of the threat and then the gradual deaths of townsfolk living in the outskirts of the town in the woodland, but things never progress from here. Instead, the best entertainment value the film can offer is throw a bunch of dumb rednecks into the snake's lair and have it eat them all one by one. Later, when a wooden actor uses a Van Damme kick to repel the snake, you know the film is in big trouble. The snake P.O.V. shots are also WAY overused, to the point of exhaustion, whereas any opportunity for gore or sadism is kept to a minimum, unfortunately, by the film's PG-13 certificate.Not that there aren't any incidental pleasures. Indeed, one of the film's highlights is an out-of-nowhere appearance by a down-on-his-luck overacting Erik Estrada, playing the town's campest inhabitant, whilst an aged Pat Morita appears to offer an amusing spin on his KARATE KID mentor character and gives the film some of its best humour. The special effects of the snake itself are very well created, unsurprising when it turns out that the reliable Chiodo Brothers are behind the menace, and it's just a shame that they aren't used to a greater purpose. The anti-climatic ending is also stupid and unexplained and as a whole the entertainment value is kept to a minimum, with just a few high points of so-bad-it's-good value. Definitely not a film to bother with unless you have a really high tolerance for pure trash.

The Hillenbrand's present one of the most frightening and intensely horrifying reptile films ever made. With incredible suspense and unrelenting thrills, the story of a huge hybrid snake wreaking havoc simply explodes across the screen. Pat Morita is superb as Hashimoto, the snake expert who recognizes pure evil in the unholy beast. Scott Hillenbrand is also excellent and certainly proves his acting prowess. Hoyt Axton is especially powerful in the role of the town's mayor and gives one of the best performances of his career. The entire cast is quite good in this terrifying motion picture and the direction is taut and creative. The sudden attacks by the snake, its stealth and menace, are almost to much to endure and represent some of the most frightening moments ever committed to film. Overall, this is giant snake cinema at its most visionary, epic in scope yet intimate in its moments of personal terror.

30 feet of pure terror! So proclaims the jacket ad. The monster snake is actually a Cobra-Rattlesnake creation, the result of genetic tinkering. After the obligatory lab explosion, it escapes and settles down in a small rural town to make life hectic for the hicks, who call in snake-expert Pat Morita (from Happy Days and the "Karate Kid" movies). This flic is rather low-budget and must have went direct-to-video. I'm not really sure how much of it is unintentionally funny or tongue-in-cheek (especially the climactic battle between Morita & the Monster, who, by the way, is named Seth). But, it comes off as entertaining in a goofy, lopsided manner, hearkening back to all those monster flics of the 1950s (and the 1970s, come to think of it). There weren't that many giant snake movies back then, however, instead mostly giant insects and an occasional lizard. Then we got "Anaconda" in '97 and the rest is history - the Sci-Fi Channel has a sub genre load of these by now. The snake-monster itself in "King Cobra" is fairly well executed, showing that even with a very low budget, FX can be done in a reasonable fashion these days. Lucky us.

I know, it's crap! But even so, I derived a HUGE amount of enjoyment from this stupid, stupid movie.It starts off almost like its aiming to be a serious horror flick. But as the movie progresses, it just gets sillier and sillier and sillier. What's more, the cast all seem to realise it's getting increasingly ludicrous and camp it up ever more enthusiastically.That's not to excuse the terrible acting, especially before the "camp" factor sets in. There's one scene with the doctor (Hildebrand) and the cop lady (Fallo) where she gives him a gift, they kiss and cuddle a bit, then he throws her off and launches into THE WORST monologue about how he can't get involved because he has his future to think about, and how he can never amount to anything in the small town and must go to the big city etc. etc. Truly vomit inducing stuff and all delivered so woodenly that I was rolling about with laughter.It was after this scene (quite early on) that I realised what a treat this film was going to be (in terms of bad movie-ness). It has some stumbles, but its really a riot if you treat it as a big joke, as the cast seem to later on.Pat Morita also gets one of the most protracted death scenes I've ever witnessed on film. Regardless of his immunity to poison, just how many six-inch fang bites can one man survive before he dies of blood loss, if nothing else? You'll find out in this film!Things to watch out for:1. The aforementioned awful monologue.2. A cameo by Erik Estrada (of CHiPs fame) as a gay guy.3. The sheriff, who spits tobacco into a cup constantly and has some of the best one-liners in the movie.4. The snake, which is just ridiculously funny whenever you see it.5. The "local hunters", who are just fun to watch whenever they are on screen.6. Pat Morita, who looks constantly embarrassed to be in this film.All in all, a silly movie for lovers of bad movies! It has all the horror cliches you'd expect, along with clumsy exposition, bad acting and poor effects. But it is fun, if you treat it as pure crap. Try and see it as a serious film, and you are doomed to disappointment.