Female on the Beach (1955)

Very well executed

Great example of an old-fashioned, pure-at-heart escapist event movie that doesn't pretend to be anything that it's not and has boat loads of fun being its own ludicrous self.

This is a gorgeous movie made by a gorgeous spirit.

There are moments that feel comical, some horrific, and some downright inspiring but the tonal shifts hardly matter as the end results come to a film that's perfect for this time.

The immortal Joan Crawford is Lynn Markham, a widow who longs to be left alone at her beach house, where previous tenant, Eloise Crandall (Judith Evelyn) had fallen to her death.Lynn's neighbor turns out to be the gorgeous male specimen in the form of Jeff Chandler, playing Drummond Hall (Drummy), who might have had something to do with Eloise's fatal fall off the porch. Of course Drummy starts to move in on Lynn. Along for the ride are the marvelous duo of Natalie Schafer and Cecil Kellaway who play Drummy's crafty aunt and uncle, Osbert and Queenie Sorenson. And then there is the frequent visitations by realtor Amy Rawlinson played by the always effervescent Jan Sterling who is of course gaga over Drummy, the slick and sleazy gigolo with a rough past.Directed by Joseph Pevney (prolific in great television series' spanning the 1960s-80s, not to mention THE STRANGE DOOR 1951,and PLAYGIRL 1956 starring Shelley Winters.)The film is filled with the right amount of 50s kitch and camp and delicious vulgarity under the sensationalized surface. An obscure Crawford goodie that enthusiasts of the actress and genre should add to their 'must see' list!

I have to say, Joan Crawford is THE queen of camp without a doubt. This trashy little gem showcases Joan at her campy best in this her midlife career.She plays Lynne Markham, a rich widow who moves to the beach house she has never seen that was owned by her late husband. She moves into a mess, the previous tenant, a lonely rich woman who couldn't handle her booze or the sleazy beach bum, Drummond played by iron jawed, steel haired Jeff Chandler, died under mysterious circumstances. Did she commit suicide or did she have a little help? Joan emotes shamelessly in this tawdry soap. She swoons, flares her nostrils, almost passes out as Drummond savagely paws her, this borders on rape and Joan's character absolutely LOVES IT!!!! She spits out such classic lines as "You're about as friendly as a suction pump" with a completely straight face. What a hoot!!!! The storyline is a camp classic, the rich, lonely widows who succumb to the wiles of Drummond and the con artist neighbors, played by Natalie Schaefer and Cecil Kellaway and the beautiful Realtor played by Jan Sterling all mix together for a movie to die for. It is a must see for all Crawford fans. At this stage of her career she had become a phenomenon, a steel rose, the makeup and hair becoming more surreal and harsh the older she got, amazing, transfixing. You have to see it to believe it.

Although this drama is a sleeper, you will find the clothing spectacular. I see the only reason to make this picture was to showcase those famous shoulders. Every evening dress is a masterpiece and the plot secondary only to anything Joan wears in this film. As you may expect, Ms. Crawford plays the "rich bitch" role to the hilt too. I had to love the role played by Natalie Schaefer, she's just too delicious in this role. No Joan Crawford drag party would be complete without this gem playing in the background. And if you can't arrive in a stunning frock similar to ones worn by her in this flick, you're not invited !!

Early in the movie Joan says to Jeff: "It's getting longer." But later in the movie she tells him: "It's smaller than I thought." Okay, the first line refers to her list of dislikes and the second line to the interior of Jeff's boat, but you get the idea. This whole movie hinges on the sexual attraction supposedly felt by its two leading characters and everything is secondary to this relationship. There's no subtlety here. The first time Joan sees Jeff he's shirtless and you can tell from her expression that she's wondering what he'd look like if he lost his pants as well. And when Jeff looks at Joan, you can tell he's wondering if her dress would fit him. The second time Jeff is seen he's lying face down on the beach with his swim suit molding tightly to his buns. Yes, there's something for everyone here.Actually, Jeff seems a bit old for his part. Isn't "37-year-old-beachboy" sort of an oxymoron? But it's great to see Judith Evelyn during her "Golden Age." Just the year before, she played "Miss Lonelyhearts" in "Rear Window" and the Queen Mother in "The Egyptian."Ed Fury pops up briefly in one scene. Maybe he should have played Jeff Chandler's part!