We're Going to Eat You (1980)

Crappy film

Clever and entertaining enough to recommend even to members of the 1%

Go in cold, and you're likely to emerge with your blood boiling. This has to be seen to be believed.

One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

The second horror film from Chinese director Tsui Hark (after 1979's BUTTERFLY MURDERS) is a crazed, madcap variation on the old Texas CHAIN SAW MASSACRE theme, with a gang of insane masked cannibals wielding meat cleavers making life difficult for our hero, the oddly-named 999. 999 is a kung fu fighting hero (is there no other?) who is searching for the equally bizarrely-monikored Rolex (just who chose the names in this movie?), a missing criminal who has vanished into a remote island off the coast of China. What follows is like one live-screen cartoon as 999 and his various friends repeatedly fight off attacks from dozens of hungry cannibals, who themselves are starved of food due to the rule of their nasty leader, the power-mad Eddy Ko (from John Woo's HEROES SHED NO TEARS).This bizarre, one-of-a-kind movie has plenty of diverse ingredients to recommend it. Unusually for what is primarily an action movie, there is plenty of characterisation and throwaway lines for both the good guys and the villains, and the acting is of a strong standard throughout with plenty of amusing performances. Hark mixes plenty of well-choreographed martial arts into the film's formula, as 999 fends off a dozen cleavers and battles it out with the leader of the village. The film has a distinctive visual style, with the emphasis on the bizarre and unnatural, and plenty of music is ripped off SUSPIRIA which makes for a weird experience. Not only are there a gang of gargoyle-like baddies on the loose, but there's also a sex-mad transvestite and twisted, contorted appearances a plenty. The film is fairly violent but with the emphasis on the humour in the violent scenes, with bubbling stews of human entrails and limbs being torn off. But in the end the wild mix of humour, horror, and kung fu comedy is what makes this concoction work.

Switching from gross-out gore, to slapstick comedy, to entertaining martial arts mayhem in the blink of an eye, 'We're Going To Eat You' grabs your attention from the word go and doesn't let go until the credits roll.Tsui Hark's second movie as a director sees Norman Chu as Agent 999 who, whilst tracking down the notorious bandit Rolex (Eddy Ko) on a remote island, stumbles upon a town inhabited by cannibals. Agent 999 spends the majority of the movie avoiding being filleted and served as a main course, only to be captured when he arrives back on the mainland. But with the help of some unlikely allies, some firecrackers and a couple of handy pairs of roller-skates, the good guys fight back and kick major cannibal ass!! This totally mad movie feels as though Tsui Hark made things up as he went along, but this only adds to the brilliance of the film—all semblance of logic quickly goes out of the window and it soon becomes apparent that anything might happen, and probably will.Even with the occasional lull in the action, the loads of blood and guts, nicely choreographed fights courtesy of Corey Yuen, and truly unforgettable characters (including a sex mad giant of a woman and some of the ugliest actors ever committed to celluloid), ensure that We're Going To Eat You is solid trashy entertainment from start to finish.

I know this film has it's fans and is possible I was just not in the mood, but I don't think so. A great start with fast and gory action that includes all manner of weapons two deaths and a guy cut in half with a saw whilst he is strapped to a table. All within the first five minutes. There is also a gory and well shot ending, but in between…fighting….slapstick comedy…oh and a 'cool' guy with a hat and a cigarette. I am never very good with Chinese humour, just a little broad for me and the endless below par kung-fu fighting…aagh! It looks OK, in fact it looks as if quite a lot was spent on it and there is a very large cast, but oh dear, no not for me.

two men walk in the forest on an island. they are briefly separated, when the fatter of the two is attacked by four men with cleavers, wearing aprons and leatherface masks. after he is hacked to death, the other one is cornered and brought back to a village, he pleads "can't we all get along" and then he is put on a table and sawed in half.. no none of this is half as gory as is sounds. in fact it is oddly funny. After all these four are just feeding a large community who don't have enough meat. unfortunely, there favorate meat is called traveler (the other white meat). the leader of the the group (eddy ko ,LEATHAL WEAPON 4, HEROS SHED NO TEARS), who dresses like he just robbed a third world dictator, is giving most of the meat to the 'security forces (leatherface look alikes) and the population is getting restless. he manages to placate them a bit, by sending them to a funeral, but all is not well in this glorious canabal paradise (yes there are serious overtones of comunism in this film). now enters security agent 999, hot on the trail of a bandit who now lives in the village. he comes to town, amidst much applause (he looks mighty tasty), and manages to fight off every hungry attacker, all of whom he thinks are sent by the bandit. and then things start getting bloody . . .this whole movie has the feel of an extended sick joke, but it stays funny throughout, thanks to inventive kung-fu deaths (involving messy means) throughout lots of inventive fight scenes. their are dozens of intricate sight and situation gags, even in the middle of combat scenes. my personal favorate is when agent 999 rolls a cigarete on the face of an attacker before beating the crap out of him. the violence is gorier than a kung-fu flick, but tame compared to most horror films. i managed to catch a screening of one of the two last remaining prints, but i think it is available on vcd and tape. it is a great late night party films, especially with buckets of popcorn on hand to throw at the screen