Skeleton Coast (1988)

This movie is the proof that the world is becoming a sick and dumb place

SERIOUSLY. This is what the crap Hollywood still puts out?

just watch it!

While it is a pity that the story wasn't told with more visual finesse, this is trivial compared to our real-world problems. It takes a good movie to put that into perspective.

SKELETON COAST is a very low rent action/war film, made in South Africa and shot in the Namibian desert. If you're going to watch it, it's going to be for the various ageing actors who have been coerced into appearing, because otherwise it's a film with no value. The action is cheap and repetitive, and the 'mission' plot feels meandering and lacking in plot.Ernest Borgnine headlines the piece as a mercenary who must break into a fortress to rescue his kidnapped son, but what plays out is cheap and lacklustre. Watch out for a gruff Oliver Reed cameo, a sheepish Robert Vaughn as the baddie, and Herbert Lom in an early part. Arnold Vosloo's here too, years before HARD TARGET and THE MUMMY, and he has a full head of hair! It says something that this is the most remarkable thing about the movie.

It's yet another late eighties adventure/action film featuring such greats as Ernest Borgnine, Herbert Lom, Oliver Reed, Robert Vaughn and…Daniel Greene (from Atomic Cyborg and many, many Italian action films – maybe he got lost on his way to some Fabrizia De Angelis production?). This one has a kind of Dirty Dozen type deal going on which I'll explain….now: Over in some African country I never bothered remembering the name of, Borgnine's son gets kidnapped by the government (or the rebels, something like that), and Ernest goes to Africa to get him back, employing the help of Herbet Lom, then gathering together a rag tag group of mercenaries (Daniel Greene, token chick, token martial artist, old man, religious nut etc) and heads off into the desert with loads of guns to get him back. You know, the usual crap.It's fun watching Borgnine and his crew blowing the crap out of stuff, and facing off first against Oliver Reed's security forces (you've got to love the way the film makes you think that Reed will come back for another battle, but vanishes from the film instead) then Robert Vaughan's nazi-style forces. Things blow up, people fire machines guns at each other, and is it just me or did Borgnine and his crew just flat out murder those smugglers in order to get that plane? Why are action films from this era so appealing? I'm not sure. There's no barrage of over-stylised shots, no self-parody, no Tarantinoisms, and no modern film would end with such a cheesy freeze frame like this one does. That all helps. Plus, who doesn't like Ernest Borgnine? He was Mermaid Man!

This film is one of the greatest illusions I have ever witnessed - It managed to make my interest disappear right before my very eyes. Astounding! The acting made my hair stand on end (without any wires) and at one point I must have been hypnotised, because to this day I still haven't been able to recall anything redeeming about this film. There was some discreet mind-misdirecting going on during the act, I mean film, because my mind didn't just begin to wander, it took a bus halfway through the film and didn't turn up until the next morning. Conjuring Oliver Reed up in this film was a pretty clever gimmick as well. The penultimate showpiece was a "sleight of hand" trick: where I gave 36p of my money (via Amazon) for this DVD and never saw the cash again - simply amazing! All these of were mere parlour tricks though, compared to the final, and best trick of all... the one where I sawed the disc in half!

I own this movie on DVD having somehow missed it when it first came out, and i have to say i was impressed. What started out looking like it was going to be a waste of 90 minutes viewing time and a good number of brain cells turned out to be a fun, amusing, and enjoyable feast of cheesy dialogue, great action, and good music.The credits list Oliver Reed and Herbert Lom as main characters but this patently isn't the case. They would have been paid hansomely to appear in their cameo roles, in which they do quite well, giving hammy but very amusing performances. This paradox is one of many questions hanging over this film, which feels at times like a cliche but is actually quite entertaining.In the lead is Ernest Borgine, a realiable campaigner who doesn't seem to out of place in the film despite the fact that he was 70 when starring in it plays Colonel Smith. He is ably assisted by Daniel Greene as Rick Weston, whilst former UNCLE star Robert Vaughn as the East German baddie.What i expected to be a real stinker full of old hams and a rather tragic affair turned out to be a nimble little East African romp with some great-looking loactions, which should have been used to greater effect, some nonsensical but intriquing plot development, and some title music that is a real gem if you ever coem across it.