No Such Thing (2002)

It’s fine. It's literally the definition of a fine movie. You’ve seen it before, you know every beat and outcome before the characters even do. Only question is how much escapism you’re looking for.

The plot isn't so bad, but the pace of storytelling is too slow which makes people bored. Certain moments are so obvious and unnecessary for the main plot. I would've fast-forwarded those moments if it was an online streaming. The ending looks like implying a sequel, not sure if this movie will get one

This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

Story: It's very simple but honestly that is fine.

Really, the music makes the film. I have always thought grew films have a similar rhythm to music. This is no exception.Not as deep as other Hal Hartley films (Girl From Monday is awesome!) but it has that rhythm.BUT! How does a girl at co-ordinates 48.72W 38.50N end up in a hospital in Iceland? The location is so close to the US or Canada, is MILES away from Iceland, and yet, she ends up there. Weird. And the route, no matter where it would have crashed, would be closer to anywhere else except Iceland. Never understood that.Still Hal puts us to the test with his film style, people and cars criss-crossing at every opportunity, the music. The usual. Hal is a terrific director.After reading jshoaf's review 12 April 2008, I am further enlightened. I stand corrected on Hal's depth.

"No such thing" is a modern fairy tale in a postmodern pop-cultural setting. In a weird rendition of "Beauty and the Beast" the monster (played by Robert John Burke) - who by the way is apparently American - resides on a rock in Iceland far away from civilisation. However legends persist and nowadays where there is a legend there is a film crew. One such crew gets torn to shreds before the beginning credits and soon after we hear the monster's existential monologue, who tries to warn off any further interference from outside. However Beatrice (who works for the same TV station as the killed crew and was romantically involved with one of them) offers to investigate further and her boss (played by Helen Mirren) is up in joy at the proposal. Soon she is on a plane and after about 30 minutes of pointless movie filler (with Beatrice getting mugged by an addict, crashing in a plane, breaking he spine, getting operated and recovering) she finally makes it to the monster's hideout.After a lacklustre talk with the monster she somehow convinces him to leave the island. How she did that with her crappy monologues and banal argumentation is a mystery. Even more so that this creature apparently has at least a couple of hundred thousand years of life behind him.Only recently have I heard of Hal Hartley, supposedly a talented and ambitious director, and this is one of my first attempts at adoring his potential. Maybe. But this movie is the epitome of a disaster. I was very quickly taken aback by the absurdities of the news served at the beginning of the movie - supposedly we are in reality, but surprisingly everyday modernity apparently has bomb attacks, terrorist plots and high death tolls every 15 minutes. Not exactly sure what the point was of all this - why tell a serious story about a monster set in modern times, only to make it even more far-fetched with an exaggerated reality more fitting for a satire or a Monty Python sketch?Soon after we are forced to survive about 30 minutes of filler, where Beatrice becomes a revered almost supernatural personality, because of surviving an airline crash. I theoretically understand that this was supposed to make her a counterpoint to the monster character and was aimed at creating more back-story for Beatrice... ultimately it caused much irritation and made me severely disinterested by the lax storytelling.Unfortunately the movie never picks up from then. It doesn't work as a comedy. Nor as a horror. Nor as a drama. Nor as an art-house flick. It fails in every department mostly because of the poor script and sometimes god-awful dialogue. The movie also shifts from winking at the audience at the wrong moments to treating itself too seriously for it's own good. The plot is also severely unbelievable and at times watches like a bad 80s movies... In the 80s it was passable, because of the specific atmosphere at the time. In the 90s it's just corny.I guess the only good thing I can say about the movie is the cast. Robert John Burke, who I am fond of since his monster role in Dust Devil, does great as the alcoholic horn-headed abomination. Similarly Helen Mirren is always ravishing and breathtaking... even in the most insignificant of roles. I can't however say the same about Sarah Polley, who in my opinion gave the most bland and forgettable performances of her lifetime.All in all give this one the pass, unless you want to see some nice pictures of Iceland or are interested in the weird and mildly intriguing ending (the only part of the movie that actually worked).

Most of independent cinema admirers know that American director Hal Hartley has made many outstanding films in his prolific career. However,it is a pity that he has completely goofed up his film "No such thing" as it is nothing short of a big bad joke.Many viewers might complain that this Hal Hartley film is something of an incomplete cinema as its characters have not been fully developed.Some viewers might also feel that by making a rather obscure film about a monster in a foreign land,Hal Hartley has attempted to distance himself from independent cinema movement.The only best thing which works wonders in "No Such Thing" concerns actress Sarah Polley's fortuitous transformation from a coffee maker to a beautiful journalist who achieves instant fame by bringing a weird monster to USA.Among other actors,Helen Mirren is wicked as ever as a boss who would like to get best news for her channel.For Hal Hartley,Icelandic setting also does not help much as the plot of his film is muddled as it has all the shades of a film which has been made in an agonizing hurry.This might be one of the plausible reasons why his film had a limited distribution despite the fact that it was chosen for "Un Certain Regard" section during Cannes International Film Festival 2001

I'm not sure how to put this, but this movie just kind of... happened.The plot seemed to go nowhere, the dialog for the most part was excruciatingly boring... There was potential with the writing for the monster, but all else aside, the plot twists had nothing to do with the story at all.I don't see what the plane crash had to do with anything... aside from just eating up time in the movie.That, and after finding out the monster had killed her fiancé, she simply goes back home and sleeps with random people. What?I wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone, save for getting ideas for what (or what not) to do for disgruntled, lonely beasties.