Amityville 3-D (1983)

Really Surprised!

Fun premise, good actors, bad writing. This film seemed to have potential at the beginning but it quickly devolves into a trite action film. Ultimately it's very boring.

I think this is a new genre that they're all sort of working their way through it and haven't got all the kinks worked out yet but it's a genre that works for me.

This movie tries so hard to be funny, yet it falls flat every time. Just another example of recycled ideas repackaged with women in an attempt to appeal to a certain audience.

It's factually correct, because if you were planning on being entertained, you're out of luck. You'd be better off throwing $5 at the register and running out of your used video store than buying this DVD.But really, Sam, why not tell us about the film first...John Baxter (Tony Roberts, Annie Hall, Popcorn) is all about exposing psychic con artists, like James Randi with a white man afro. Along with his partner Melanie (Candy Clark, ex-wife of Marjoe Gortner and as well as acting in Cool as Ice, Q, 1988's remake of The Blob and providing the voice of Stella Star in Starcrash) he busts up a special effects-aided seance at 112 Ocean Avenue (dum dum dum in Amityville!). The lady running the show spits right in his face and then, he decides to but the place after his real estate agent talks him into it. But guess what? Flies attack and kill that agent, turning him into a rotting corpse.He buys the house anyway.All manner of accidents befall John and Melanie. The worst one? Well, I guess that'd be when Melanie gets killed in a car wreck after seeing a demon's face in a photograph and rushing to show John. But that dude just thinks it's all a coincidence. Oh, John.What would make things worse? What if John's daughter Susan (Full House's Lori Laughlin), her friend Lisa (Meg Ryan!) and their boyfriends play Ouija in the attic.? The game tells them that Captain Howdy just got a promotion to Admiral. Just kidding. The game informs Susan that her life is in danger, but she ignores it and dies in a boat accident. Her mom, Nancy, sees a vision of her walking up the stairs of the dock, but nope. She's a goner.John still thinks this is all make believe, even when his ex-wife thinks her daughter is still alive and he keeps having dreams about the old well in the basement. So he brings in Doctor Elliot West (Robert Joy, Desperately Seeking Susan) and his team, who succeed in getting the demons in the house to show up. Elliot asks for whatever in the well to reveal itself and bring Susan back to life, but in one of the few bright spots in the film, a demon leaps out - right at the viewer - and burns the doctors face and drags him to Hell. The house implodes and only a few of the team, Nancy and John escape. The well keeps glowing as we hit the credits.Due to a lawsuit between the Lutz family (the original owners of the Amityville house) and Dino De Laurentiis, this is film does not refer to them at all and had to be listed as not a sequel to the original film. That said - the DeFeo family who lived in the house before the Lutz's are referenced more than once. But hey - weren't they called the Montelli family in Amityville II: The Possession? At least John is based on someone real - Stephen Kaplan, who was investigating the film at the time of filming as he was sure that the Lutzes' story was a hoax. Look, you may enjoy this film. But after the complete and utter insanity that is the second film in the series, it feels like a step backward. But where can you really go after part 2? It's a film that throws you down the steps and laughs at you.

It's interesting to look back at when 3D had a boom in the early 1980's and was always included in the third installment of a series. Oh yeah, 3 for 3D. I have grown tired of 3D and agree with Roger Ebert that we should stop constantly use it. The 3D in this film seems very forced and it's very easy to tell every moment that was supposed to come out at the viewer. I didn't watch this in 3D, but in modern movies that use it, I've seen the versions without the 3D and these moments were never there. As someone who didn't care for the original "Amityville Horror", I wasn't expecting much. I heard this is considered to be the worst installment in the entire series and even fans of the other movies hate it.Having only seen the original movie, this is mostly just a retread of that. I know the original was based on a book that claimed to be real that was proved to be false. I have no idea if any of these numerous sequels were based on books that were themselves supposedly based on real life events. The original film received a Pigasus award from James Randi for lying to its audience. I was disappointed to find out this film did not receive a Razzie. Paranormal claims are bad, if only because they give us crappy movies! The worst thing about this movie is that the ghosts or spirits are represented by flies. Yes, they literally swarm and kill a guy in one scene. In another scene with a fly, they somehow cut the brakes of a car and set a woman on fire (!). It's as ludicrous as it sounds and is a waste of time, even for fans. *1/2

The Amittyville horror III this time follows the story of Cathy and her divorced parents as they investigate the claims if the house was haunted.What made this approach different from the first two was the investigation of fraud cases that actually took place when the Luzs tried to get out of paying for their house and the 3D angle that simply wasn't put to good use in my opinion. Its not the effects fault, but it offers nothing scary and only saved for minor motions.Another aspect is the demons have had enough of intruders and blown house, fully restored at some point, sky high leaving only a window to hell in its wrath. While I like to say this was a good way to end the series it leaves to many questions unanswered like why blow up your haunting space and was Cathy a trapped soul doomed to spend eternity trapped within?Is this suppose to be the last in the series since the house will be fully restored and play a major role in a few more sequels? No timeline is ever established to set a date unless you can go by current trends.Besides these plot holes the music was chilling, the acting was a setup from the last two and so was the picture quality.The demon is decent, not the worst to come, and should be viewed as an alternate ending to the first two. 10/10

Expectations were low to begin with and were even lower when finished viewing. The second Amityville picture gave us its rendition of what happened...sort of...with the Defeo family prior to the Lutzes moving in and then out 28 days later. Presumably this trash takes place after both of those incidents. You know you are in trouble when Tony Roberts is your main gate attraction. Trouble indeed comes, but first a brief look at the plot: writer for a cheap magazine called Reveal buys house cheap and things happen to people he knows. people start dropping like flies...for those that sat through that..get it. Yeah, I need some levity no matter how small the dose because I sat through a real bad picture. The story has no hold on you at all as things in the house just start to happen. First character actor John Harkins gets flies all over his face and dies belly-up(for him no small feat). Tony Roberts gets in a weird elevator miles from the house. Candy Clark, his friend and photographer, stays waiting in the house for Tony. A fuse is blown and she gets air blown all over her from the basement door. Tony gets home and she screams not to be touched in a truly funny(though not intentionally) moment. Clark later is burned to a crisp in a car. Meg Ryan and Lori Loughlin, both hot, look the house over when Lori's dad Tony is out. Meg talks about ghosts having sex. Yawn. Tony'ex and Lori's mom forbids Lori to go to the house. She does...and, well, things get even more bizarre, stupid, and wretched again. This movie has no real story. The special effects are constructed in such a way that every shot, whether it be a fly buzzing in an elevator, should look 3-d. Roberts as the lead had me laughing as he has virtually no acting range whatsoever. After a couple deaths he looks exactly the same. Like he just got through trading witty barbs(though none witty here) with Woody Allen. Check out the special effects at the end of the film from the water well. Phew! Who came up with that junk? This movie is poorly scripted, poorly directed, and poorly acted. It makes the second Amityville almost look artistic. A truly bad movie all around.