Maiden Voyage (2004)

A Masterpiece!

I am only giving this movie a 1 for the great cast, though I can't imagine what any of them were thinking. This movie was horrible

One of those movie experiences that is so good it makes you realize you've been grading everything else on a curve.

A great movie, one of the best of this year. There was a bit of confusion at one point in the plot, but nothing serious.

MAIDEN VOYAGE: OCEAN HIJACK is a fun B-movie riff on Steven Seagal's UNDER SIEGE, substituting the Aikido-fighting star for B-movie regular Casper Van Dien (STARSHIP TROOPERS). Van Dien and his buddies (including a rather unbelievable kung fu fighting female head of security) are trapped on a luxury cruise liner when it's hijacked by terrorists, and they must do their utmost to regain control of the vessel and save the lives of the passengers.Being a TV movie, I wasn't expecting much from this one, but I was pleasantly surprised by what I got. MAIDEN VOYAGE certainly packs in the action throughout, and there's so much of it that you can forgive the poor production values and the lack of technical expertise apparent in the movie's poor continuity, editing, and special effects.Almost half of the movie seems to consist of Van Dien beating up various henchmen or running away from them. All of the usual DIE HARD clichés are in place, but what most surprised me was how violent this film is for a TV movie, with plenty of bloody squib hits peppering the production. It's certainly no classic, but it's often unintentionally funny and it never fails to entertain. I had a ball with it.

There is only one problem with this website, you can't give a negative rating. Additionally a mate rated this as a D grade movie. I say he was being too nice. A piece of wood could show more emotion that the actors in this movie, and the money used to produce this movie would have been better used to start a fire. This is absolutely terrible, 2 hours of life that anyone who endures this untalented bloodbath will never get back. After watching 5 minutes, myself and the boys wondered if sinking bulk heavies would make this anymore entertaining. Half a carto and a bottle of 151 later I finally found some of this G grade acting remotely funny. It's an insult upon this entire planet that the director thought anyone could find anything beneficial from this more, he should go and buy a rope. And to the actors in this flick, I hope you got paid well to be in this joke because I doubt you will ever work again. In summary I fine everyone in this movie 100 grand and 12 demerit points off your acting licence.

Maiden Voyage is just that. I'd like to say straight away that I watched 5mins of this before I just couldn't stand it anymore. As already stated in another comment, this film doesn't fall into the whole "so bad it's good" thing, it's just bad. The acting is awful, the sfx are poor, and the story is bland and stupid. Even the extras suck, the "bag guy guards" and such appear to hold their weapons like water pistols.Don't even bother watching this film, the only thing special about it is that, no matter how low your expectations are, you will still be disappointed.

Van Dien must cringe with embarrassment at the memory of this ludicrously poor film, as indeed must every single individual involved. To be honest I am rather embarrassed to admit I watched it from start to finish. Production values are somewhere between the original series of 'Crossroads' and 'Prisoner Cell Block H'. Most five year olds would be able to come up with more realistic dialogue and a more plausible plot. As for the acting performances, if you can imagine the most rubbish porno you have ever seen - one of those ones where the action is padded out with some interminable 'story' to explain how some pouting old peroxide blonde boiler has come to be getting spit-roasted by a couple of blokes with moustaches - you will have some idea of the standard of acting in 'Maiden Voyage'. Worse still, you can't even fast forward to the sex scenes, because there aren't any. An appallingly dreadful film.