Machete Kills (2013)

if their story seems completely bonkers, almost like a feverish work of fiction, you ain't heard nothing yet.

The movie is wonderful and true, an act of love in all its contradictions and complexity

It's a movie as timely as it is provocative and amazingly, for much of its running time, it is weirdly funny.

Blistering performances.

One of the most ridiculous films I have ever seen. I have not seen the prequel, but I do not think it could be any better, or it would change my opinion for this one. I trusted the cast and I was deeply disappointed. Above all, Danny Trejo in a role, that did not suit him, brought him completely out of his usual style, thus making an ass out of him. IMHO he cannot support a large range of roles. Was this crap of a film a parody of action films, a slapstick, or what?My vote 2/1O.

Machete Kills (2013): Dir: Robert Rodriguez / Cast: Danny Trejo, Mel Gibson, Michelle Rodriguez, Sophia Vergara, Amber Heard: The theme of this crap is vengeance and that may be what the audience will look for after viewing this over the top garbage. The first Machete was by no means great but its tongue in cheek action and humour made for at least a creative outing. In this sequel it goes far beyond stupidity. Danny Trejo returns as Mexican agent / spy Machete whose partner is killed in the opening scenes. He is recruited by the President to find a terrorist with a split personality and a bomb wired to his heart that can send a missile towards Washington. That's not all. He also has to deal with nasty pageant queens, brothel bitches with a taste for blood, and a villain who literally changes faces thus allowing some high profile celebrities to make cameos. Robert Rodriguez has an eye for absurd creative action but his Once About a Time in Mexico is a superior demonstration of his talent accompanied with a good screenplay. Trejo plays Machete as if he is in on the joke therefore allowing his implausible action scenes a sense of amusement. Mel Gibson delivers perhaps the worst performance of his career as Luther Voz, weapons terrorist bent on going to space. There are a host of fighting femmes including Michelle Rodriguez who ends up with her second eye shot out, and Sophia Vergara totally overacting as a nasty brothel mistress armed with guns in private places. Amber Heard plays a beauty pageant lovely with a knack for the sadistic. In the end Machete kills ninety minutes. Score: 3 ½ / 10

"Machete don't tweet" is just one of the hilarious lines uttered by Danny Trejo's iconic character, Machete Cortez, in this new fun-as-hell sequel from Robert Rodriguez. If you pay attention, you might notice that Rodriguez has actually made a 'Star Wars' film with Machete in it this time around, complete with machete lightsabers, versions of carbonite and landspeeders, and characters similar to those in the 'Star Wars' universe. With an all-star cast and even more blood, guts and kills than the first one, this over-the-top sequel is highly entertaining.In this epic adventure, the President of the United States (Charlie Sheen, billed as "Carlos Estevez") calls up Machete to kill a Mexican drug lord named Mendez (Demian Bichir). Mendez suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder, and switches back and forth from being an evil drug kingpin, to a heroic revolutionary, to a secret agent. You never know what you'll get with him, but Bichir plays the character with gusto and hilarity. Mendez has implanted a device that remotely connects him to a nuclear warhead. If his heart stops, the missile will launch and hit Washington, DC. Machete accepts this mission when the President grants him U.S. citizenship and assigns him a handler in the form of a beauty pageant queen (Amber Heard) who has every weapon imaginable hiding beneath her gowns.As soon as Machete starts the mission, bad guys come out of the woodwork to kill him, including a top assassin known as the Chameleon, who changes disguises frequently and can look like Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Antonio Banderas or… Lady Gaga. After some guts are spilled and a few heads chopped off, Machete figures out that a multi-billionaire weapons mogul named Voz (Mel Gibson) is behind the entire scheme, and has big plans to destroy Earth and set up a new life in space.Does any of this make sense? No, but it sure is a hell of a lot of fun to watch. From Sofia Vergara's man-hating dominatrix who uses her boobs as weapons, to Machete swinging an enemy's intestines into the blades of a helicopter, you're in for something special with this sequel. Trejo has an impressive presence and owns the screen every time he's on camera, even if his monotone dialogue never has any emotion. The supporting cast around him rounds out this zany but brilliant action adventure. Yes, Michelle Rodriguez and her one eye show up again, and spill a lot of blood.This schlocky grindhouse material is what Rodriquez is great at. I can't wait to see the next chapter, teased in this one with a trailer called 'Machete Kills Again… In Space'.

Plot summary - Machete is hired by the U.S. government to find a madman in Mexico bent on launching weapons into space. Sounds crazy, huh? It is. As with the original Machete, the plot isn't as important as the action on the screen. If you've seen Machete, then you pretty much know what to expect from Machete Kills. It's more of the same with added fighting, explosions, and general mayhem. There are a couple of new things and characters in this one that I really enjoyed. I'll start with Mel Gibson. What a blast! He's so over-the-top, it's impossible not to enjoy every minute he's on screen. The same goes for Amber Heard and Charlie Sheen's (or Carlos Estevez) characters - Miss San Antonio and the President of the U.S. Awesome stuff!But, while I rated the first movie a 9/10, I'm only giving Machete Kills a 7/10. Obviously, there are some things that didn't work for me as well in this movie. First, Machete Kills would have benefited with more Michelle Rodriguez. She disappears for too long a stretch of the movie. Second, and more seriously, Machete Kills is really hurt by the lack of an ending. I understand exactly what Robert Rodriguez was trying to do, but it didn't go over well with me. Still, I'm looking forward to the next installment.