Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009)

Very well executed

Surprisingly incoherent and boring

People are voting emotionally.

Good idea lost in the noise

This is the greatest movie of ALL TIME My eyes are getting weary My back is getting tight I'm sitting here in traffic on the Queensborough bridge tonight But, I don't care 'cause all I want to do... is cash my check and drive right home to you 'cause Baby, all my life I will be driving home to you

This would have to be one of most un-comedic movies I've ever seen. Basically this is nothing more than an updated version of any Marx Bros movie, where you have a ridiculous premise full of equally ridiculous sight gags. Kevin James is Paul Blart, a shopping mall cop who rides a ridiculous Segway and who takes his job, or "shopper safety" as he calls it, a little too seriously. While his colleagues simply see it as a job where you punch in and punch out, (like all mall security guards do), Blart takes it up several notches to an area bordering on pointlessness where every random meaningless mall incident becomes a do or die mission. Naturally there's the usual ho-hum jokes-du-jour throughout; one where he pulls over an elderly man on one of those reprehensible mobility scooters for driving recklessly amongst shoppers. The man couldn't have cared less and drives off with Blart being dragged along the floor behind him. I'm not sure where the joke is, but it's supposed to be funny. Next he gets in a punch-up with 2 legged hippo in Victoria's Secret and she punches the stuffing out of him. If this were anywhere else but America I could see her probably getting away with it, but in a court-happy country like the U.S, I highly doubt it. Judge Judy would be all over it like flies on a turd. I don't remember too much after this as it was around this point that I started to really lose interest. I think there's some feeble attempt at a story when the mall is subject to a heist where they are after credit card codes or something, Paul Blart somehow manages to save the day, gets married and I'm counting the minutes of my life that have been lost forever. I was wondering when this was going to ever get funny and it simply never did. I get that comedy is subjective but normally you'd expect to find some semblance of comedy within a movie that's supposed to be funny, even if you as an individual don't happen to find everything funny. If you enjoy watching a bumbling fool getting himself into poorly scripted situations and unfunny situations, then you'll enjoy this. If you want to have a proper laugh, this movie is a waste of time.

I watched this movie to see if was going to be funny. It wasn't. I found out Kevin James can not handle a feature film. The premise is pretty good. Paul has to protect his mall. Fairly good idea for a film. The problem is hypoglycemia is not a thing to make fun of. He has to constantly down sugar to stay awake. Also, he seems to be clueless. He is playing an 'air' guitar while the bad guys ransack the mall. This is not the funny. Also, he seems to take out every bad guy with little trouble. I find john candy and john Belushi much funnier. They also were much more adept at physical comedy. It was an OK film but not worth repeated viewings.

After surfing sub-reddits that seem to be orbiting dangerously close to r/circlejerk I found an article that seemed to revolve around movies that helped you through a rough time. The main movie everyone seemed to mention was Paul Blart: Mall Cop, I don't know what it is about this movie and personally I didn't think it was that inspirational apart from a few laughs but people seem to really love this movie and I recommend it if your going through a hard time I guarantee you'll get emotionally better.Kevin James, bravo..