The Runestone (1991)

How sad is this?

There are moments that feel comical, some horrific, and some downright inspiring but the tonal shifts hardly matter as the end results come to a film that's perfect for this time.

Close shines in drama with strong language, adult themes.

I didn’t really have many expectations going into the movie (good or bad), but I actually really enjoyed it. I really liked the characters and the banter between them.

One part end-of-the-world thriller, two parts werewolf-like nocturnal beast on the rampage horror picture, and all parts quick-moving, animated, get right down to business butt-stomping fun, this hugely enjoyable romp makes for a most pleasant surprise. An ancient rhunestone that's the prison for a centuries old clawed, fanged, highly lethal lupine humanoid monster gets unearthed in a Pennsylvannia coal mine. When the gigantic rock is sent to New York City so it can be displayed in an art gallery, naturally our hairy, hulking, none too friendly or sociable whatchamathingie wakes up from its lengthy slumber and boy is he one grumpy SOB! Pretty soon it's racking up a hefty corpse tally as a gruesome preliminary to a possible apocalypse said beast is a harbinger of. Of course, your usual colorfully mixed bag of courageous protagonists -- skeptical artist Joan Severance, her hunky boyfriend Tim Ryan, plucky teen Chris Young, and eccentric clockmaker Alexander Godunov -- have to stop this vicious critter or it's curtains for us all, baby! Besides the inspired and imaginative handy dandy multi-genre combo narrative which scores bonus novelty points for making Armageddon part of a Nordic prophecy rather than the standard hackneyed Christian religious hooey, this surprisingly well-produced and energetically executed little number further benefits from William Carroll's brisk, capable direction, a steady, unflagging forward-ho pace, David Newman's rousing score, some nice witty touches, a cool monster, handsome photography, several lively kill scenes, and a properly spooky atmosphere that positively reeks with ominous portent. The performances are uniformly stellar as well, with Peter Riegert giving a wonderfully rough-edged portrayal of a coarse, irascible, candy-noshing homicide detective and delightfully crusty cameos by Lawrence Tierney as a gruff police chief, William Hickey as a flaky elderly mythology expert, and Arthur Malet as an amiably yappy fuddy dud museum curator. Dynamic, thrilling and refreshingly bereft of any needless pretense or condescending campy humor, this vastly entertaining and charmingly old-fashioned fright film overall rates as one completely worthwhile and satisfying bloodthirsty behemoth on the loose in the Big Apple horror blast.

Forgive me if I am wrong but there was something just plain missing from THE RUNESTONE, one of about three Viking Horror idiom films where ancient Viking curses lead to modern day havoc and mayhem. I was able to track down this one and a movie called THE BERSERKER, which won the contest easily by being a silly, sleazy, lurid backwoods hacker. This movie thinks it is HIGHLANDER material, and for the second time in a week I get to fault a horror movie from the late 80s/early 90s for not being sleazy enough. I am not sure when the era of "respectable" medium budget horror started (right after CREEPSHOW 2, maybe) but it resulted in a decades worth of uninteresting no-scares and no-offense meant horror efforts. The whole point of making a horror film is to give a young filmmaker the freedom to be as offensive as they see fit. Real talent doesn't come from disciplining yourself at first, it comes from letting it all hang out and RUNESTONE seemed to have a preoccupation with being respectable. The monster was cool though: At some point the film switches gears, transforming itself from a DA VINCI CODE-esquire thriller about ancient artifacts, manuscripts, talismans and glowering white haired Swedes into a busy, loud and amusingly obnoxious monster movie. Here we get to see Norse god of war Odin personified by a big rubber costumed goon with glowing eyes, cloven hoofs and a head peaked by a tangle of horns. If only the film hadn't exhausted my ability to understand what the point of it was by then. The gore is ultra low-key, the nudity and sexual content more suggested and non male gaze oriented than usual, and the hero was difficult to care about. The only real sparks in the film that registered in my brain were scenes where "Resevoir Dogs'" Lawrence Tierney gets to chew the scenery as a loud mouth clam-headed police captain between various killings, none of which inspired much dread, alarm or interest to be memorable.The HIGHLANDER comparisons come because the bulk of the film is set in New York City and involves large, open-spaced townhouses that are so expensive to rent that the only people who can afford to make use of them are set designers for movies. And the use of medieval weapons like broadswords, battle axes and a good icy glare from beneath hooded eyebrows. Seeing Alexander Gudanov dressed up like a Nordic Thomas Dolby to battle this costume designer's vision of Odin didn't provide much of a payoff, and the tail end of the film is filled with so many collapsing townhouse floors that the movie became a sort of ironic commentary on, yes, the 9/11 WTC tower collapse, caused by the weakening of the support girders and the pankcaking floors falling one on top of the other. I didn't see any puffs of dust but am pretty sure that these floors collapsed due to a controlled demolition so 9/11 Truth conspiracy buffs might want to check this film out to help your "research" into proving that Bush blew up the towers. And if all else fails you can post screengrabs of Odin with his eyes all glowing real demonic like and claim that they are non-doctored pictures of Condoleeza Rice. I think the bottom line here is that horror movies in general took a nose dive during the 1990s due to this frenzied rush to not offend anyone, which may explain why the sleazy Euro Horror years of the 1970s have proved to be so popular now on retrospect. RUNESTONE created nothing new, accomplished nothing notable and is probably only remembered by the scattershot few who bothered renting it as a home video release and perhaps yearn for the good old days when you could go out & rent three movies for $5.00 on a weeknight, watch them safe and secure knowing that your life with not be changed by any of them, there will be three more just like it to check out the following night, there will be no reason to ever watch any of them ever again, and your girlfriend won't be put off by gratuitous exploitational nudity or gross icky gore. Heaven forbid!!3/10

Having just sat through this it is hard to put into words exactly what the viewing experience was like.The plot is pretty much the same as every one of these type of films - Some ancient artifact creates or resurrects a monster, people run around a bit and the monster is killed.What saves this film from rating a 1 is that it is hilarious (but not at the points where it is supposed to be). There seems to be more pointless and stupid chases in this film than any I've seen for a while.The monster looks pretty fake but is not so bad that it ruins the film. The music is totally awful and is almost as bad as the dodgy disco music from Friday the 13th Part 3.The acting and wardrobe are slightly on the dodgy side but it just adds to the charm of this gem of a film.One to see and then try to forget.

This was never going to have been a masterpiece but it need never have been as bad as it is. The combination of sloppy direction, amateur editing, and some unbelievably bad actors leave the film floundering. There are exceptions, Joan Severance and Peter Riegert are professsional and competent, but the chaos around them is overwhelming and they would probably rather that this monstrosity was removed from there filmographies! The plot though preposterous could have formed the basis of decent movie but one gets the impression that not enough time was put into tightening up the script so that the dialogue regularly lurches into the farcical. If you are fans of either Joan Severance or Peter Riegert, both fine film actors, then perhaps you should pass this one by and look to their other work!