Theodore Rex (1995)

Just so...so bad

Great story, amazing characters, superb action, enthralling cinematography. Yes, this is something I am glad I spent money on.

Let me be very fair here, this is not the best movie in my opinion. But, this movie is fun, it has purpose and is very enjoyable to watch.

It's simply great fun, a winsome film and an occasionally over-the-top luxury fantasy that never flags.

Like the Nostalgia Critic said (let's face it, 9/10 of you reading about this heard about it from him first), the movie falls apart right at the premises. So if you read the back cover and still decided to check it out of the video store anyway, you'd better not be surprised when it turns out to be anything worse than a colossal waste of time.It's my theory, honestly, that this movie was intended to ruin careers; that the studio had a bunch of contracts, some of which it wanted to renew for less than they were worth, and others it just wanted to be done with, and this movie was their way of making it happen.And, well, when you look at it through that kind of perspective, there is something oddly compelling about it. And that's why it only gets a 2/10 from me. Sure, it's an absolute disaster of a film, but I was never angered by its existence the same way I was Garbage Pail Kids or Movie 43. Just bewildered by it.

As I explained to my doctor, I have this thing for short heavy black women in tight leather suits that hang out with guys in rubber dinosaur suits. So was it no wonder that when I found this on the cover I had to see the contents? I took it home and popped it in and began to watch the amazing revelations unfold. In the future there will be dinosaurs, cyborgs, genetically new species, and yet another ice age not the fault of global warming! What really blew my mind is the psychic link between dinosaurs. When Whoopi was in the dinosaur bar being hit on by a dinosaur, it was at this point I realized this had to be originally a porn video. They ended up cutting out all the porn scenes so they could get the rating dropped to PG for the family market. Basically I am still seeking the original uncut version but I am having a hard time locating a copy. My doctor insists that the movie is uncut, but I can read between the lines. Just look at some of the scenes how they cut away just before and it is like we missed important dialog. This movie gives me hope for the future.

Theodore Rex is apparently much hated; some people have given it a 10-star rating, but I'm going to go with sarcasm on their parts. However, over half the people who've rated this gave it a 1. I suspect this is as much an effort to put this movie into the bottom 100 as anything else. The movie is not that bad. It isn't wonderful either, but it isn't abominable. I liked it as a kid, and while it isn't a masterpiece, it is watchable as a kid at least. It was a mediocre movie, but I thought it was fun.That being said, don't think this is some amazing movie. It isn't. It is watchable and mediocre, but there are lots of better movies around. But it definitely doesn't deserve a 1. This movie may not be mind-blowing, but it isn't the Land Before Time XI or Plan 9 From Outer Space. It is better than a lot of the insipid romantic comedies starring Jennifer Lopez. But its below the level of high quality entertainment.I'd not recommend buying it, but watching it once isn't a loss.

From the What Was She Thinking? file: Whoopi Goldberg plays a cop in the future who is teamed with a talking dinosaur (!) for a crime case involving a madman who wants to start another ice-age. Straight-to-tape oddity is embarrassing and ridiculous, a high-concept in search of itself. Apparently this was a labor of love for its writer-director, Jonathan Betuel (who also served as one of the producers); sadly, the end results are anemic, to be charitable. Goldberg's mere presence on-screen can often spark good will and laughter no matter how poor the script, but here she's drowning and you can see the unfunny results. NO STARS from ****